Just popping in, again.

[Emower]

Hey all,

Turns out I quite miss you all. This was and continues to be a great place to land after the rug gets pulled out from under you. I thought I would pop in and say hello.

I moved to Nevada a few months ago. Life is good here. Tahoe is close and it is beautiful if you can look past all the people. The Sierras are also beautiful if you can look past all the smoke. The Great Basin desert is beautiful, and there is nothing to obscure its view, which is half the charm. I was doing fish management in Arizona, now I do sage grouse stuff and land use mitigation for the Department of Agriculture. Its a pretty good gig.

I ripped the band aid off the other day and said goodbye to the church on facebook. I did it mainly to flush out how many of my facebook friends would contact me to say they also have had a similar experience. Turns out that 11 people have. I was able to provide some "don't do this" type of advice. It gave me a weird sense of closure as well. I had continued to attend church with Dmower, and it was getting worse with time, not better. I had been honest with the last 2 bishops, refused all callings. However, with this last move I announced it to the EQ as well. They introduced me and asked me to tell a little about myself. I told them that I was going to take some liberties with that opportunity because I had learned it was best to let the cat out of the bag early. The EQ presidents face was panic stricken as I told them all that I had apostatized, didn't believe in anything, was just here for my wife, and to please not feel awkward if they saw me in the grocery store buying coffee and a six pack. There were crickets afterward. I thought maybe it would win me points for being "the cool guy," but no, it just made everybody pretty nervous I think.

After a few weeks, I wondered what the point was in me being there? It was ruining Sat. Sun. and Mon. for the whole family as I would dread it on Sat, it would make me mad to hear stuff I didn't like on Sunday, and I would still be at a simmer on Monday. Dmower and I talked about it and I quit going. I am not going to lie, it was wonderful. I was trying to do the supportive thing, be there for the kids and the wife, and the members in AZ really gave me props for that. But leaving for good, and posting about it on social media gave me a closure and acceptance that I have changed, and that it is time to accept it. I have gone church hopping. I am not looking for faith, if I found a cool community I would count myself lucky, but I am more interested in experiencing religion in a way that I never have before. In an academic way, a curious way. I have read several book about the evolution of God in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and a few texts on early Christian history, as well as a whole audio course given by the Yale divinity school about the old testament that someone on here mentioned in some thread. This has given me a fascination, with the fascination with God that we have as a species, and going to a different faith every week is super interesting. So far Presbyterian is most familiar, Episcopalian is least familiar, and evangelical non-denominational are the most outwardly friendly, although it feels a little too motivated by Jesus. I need to figure out how to get involved in a community somewhere, because that is really what I miss the most, along with most other Mormons who leave. I will figure it out at some point.

Dmower continues to be the kindest best person I could have married. She still goes, teaches primary, values it, but buys me coffee as well. She does not buy into most of the hardcore stuff anymore. I dont want to speak for her because she may still lurk here from time to time, but I dont think she buys into the larger church as a whole much anymore. She was affected by a person on the "another testament of marriage" facebook group who posted about engaging with the church on a local level and not giving a rip about the church on a larger level. She understands the inherent problems with that ideal, but she still tries and is largely successful. I try to engage her less about it as I come to grips with my transition.

Thanks for being here for me when I needed it most. I have taken a good break, and it has been great for me. I may pop in more often now, as I am over the hump. I recommend getting away from it all when you need a 10,000 ft. view. It helped me free up some bandwidth.

[Anon70]

What a great update. Gives me hope. I hope things continue to go well for you all.

[moksha]

Great update. That exploration of Church services sounds fun, perhaps nutritional as well when combined with a Sunday brunch afterward.

Potential doxology for the Sunday brunch:

Truckee to the left of me
Carson City to the right
Brunching in Tahoe with you.

[RubinHighlander]

Awesomeness! It will be really hard on Dmower for a time, but I think she'll come around when she sees how much happier you are and how much better of a husband and father you are without that big bag of bullshit weighing you down. My kids and step kids noticed a big difference in me; a happy funny guy they like to hang around now and not some uptight feeling-guilty-all-the-time moronic and judgmental patriarch. My marriage and relationship with my kids has never been better. I'm jealous you get to run around in the craggy hills of the great basin desert; it's also my favorite place. Reminds me that I need to get out to Great Basin NP to see some milky way over the old trees, but I'll wait until the smoke clears.

[Arcturus]

After a few weeks, I wondered what the point was in me being there? It was ruining Sat. Sun. and Mon. for the whole family as I would dread it on Sat, it would make me mad to hear stuff I didn't like on Sunday, and I would still be at a simmer on Monday.

Same experience! And it's great being on the other side. Emower - mind sharing the link to that Yale audio course?

[slavereeno]

Awesome update, it gives me hope as well. I have really started feeling like a stranger at church. Thanks for posting.

[Hagoth]

Thanks for the report! Always good to hear from you.

[wtfluff]

The EQ presidents face was panic stricken as I told them all that I had apostatized, didn't believe in anything, was just here for my wife, and to please not feel awkward if they saw me in the grocery store buying coffee and a six pack. There were crickets afterward. I thought maybe it would win me points for being "the cool guy," but no, it just made everybody pretty nervous I think.

Oh man. This is all kinds of awesome! Funny how a "church" which constantly pushes honesty, doesn't really want anyone to actually be honest.

You win the DAMU for today Emower.

[MoPag]

Hi!! It's good to hear from you!

HI!.png (191.04 KiB) Viewed 8487 times

Hugs to you and Dmower!

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

The EQ presidents face was panic stricken as I told them all that I had apostatized, didn't believe in anything, was just here for my wife, and to please not feel awkward if they saw me in the grocery store buying coffee and a six pack. There were crickets afterward. I thought maybe it would win me points for being "the cool guy," but no, it just made everybody pretty nervous I think.

Oh man. This is all kinds of awesome! Funny how a "church" which constantly pushes honesty, doesn't really want anyone to actually be honest.

You win the DAMU for today Emower.

+1 I love this. You were the only exciting and authentic part of that meeting.

[Red Ryder]

You failed to mention you're also now the proud owner of a mini van!

Can't take away ALL the mormon. Some of it doesn't wash off.

[achilles]

Great update. That exploration of Church services sounds fun, perhaps nutritional as well when combined with a Sunday brunch afterward.

Potential doxology for the Sunday brunch:

Truckee to the left of me
Carson City to the right
Brunching in Tahoe with you.

I'd rather brunch at Donner's Pass... Mmm...

[hiding in plain sight]

The journey forward continues.

Thank you so much for sharing where you are and how you are doing. I admire how you have done this.

Good luck.

[deacon blues]

What a fun update.I love Tahoe, but don't get out there much anymore. Have you visited Genoa? It was an early church settlement in the area. There is supposed to be an Orson Hyde prophecy that the area would be cursed. http://www.nevadaweb.com/nevadaca/curse.html

[Emower]

Same experience! And it's great being on the other side. Emower - mind sharing the link to that Yale audio course?

https://oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies/rlst-145
It was pretty good drive/bike to work material.

What a fun update.I love Tahoe, but don't get out there much anymore. Have you visited Genoa? It was an early church settlement in the area. There is supposed to be an Orson Hyde prophecy that the area would be cursed. http://www.nevadaweb.com/nevadaca/curse.html

I have been down to Genoa, it is really a pretty cool place. There is a fort there called Mormon Station where the information above is talked about. Although they dont list the grievance and the letter. That was funny. The 4th of July concert was pretty cool there.

You failed to mention you're also now the proud owner of a mini van!

Can't take away ALL the mormon. Some of it doesn't wash off.

You can take the guy out of Mormonism...

[Evil_Bert]

Lucky you, emower. I just can't rock the boat that much. I quietly go to SM with the wife. I usually ditch out on the rest. I just told the EQP last week that I wasn't interested in participating in ministering. I am sure that will go around the ward, but I don't give a damn anymore. The bishop already knows, no club card to lose, so nothing to hold over me.


We will have to catch lunch again soon.