This Really Sucks!

[lightbulb]

I told my wife I was going to send in my resignation letter. My daughter is getting married in about a month and I just cannot bear to have my name on the roles of an organization that is going to separate me from my daughter at that special moment when she goes from being my little girl to another man's wife. I'll never get to see the expression on her face and she'll never get to see me shed a tear of joy as she makes that life changing transition. There's absolutely no reason that the church shouldn't allow, actually require, a public civil ceremony that everyone can take part in. I know it's just a power play by some cowardly, egotistical church leaders. Maybe it's the wrong time for me to do this but I feel like maybe it will help me cope better if I know I'm no longer under the thumb of the church. Thoughts?

[Mackman]

I feel for you lightbulb !!! You are right it should be a family affair I totally agree and support you hang in there.

[2bizE]

I feel for you. This is one of the most destructive things the church does. This policy continues to tear families apart rather than bring them together.

[Not Buying It]

So sorry. I am not sure which is worse, the Church that needlessly excludes family from weddings, or the members that are convinced that treating family members that way is acceptable.

[Red Ryder]

Wow! I just had this same thought about a half hour ago driving in to work. My mind was wondering down the road of future and thinking about the next couple of years and thoughts of kids getting married came to mind. I seriously thought I need to resign before it comes to temple weddings.

Here's my thoughts:

If you choose to participate without a temple recommend in a limited back seat way, everyone feels sad and sorry for your daughter, your family, and for you. But if you resign, you're simply not a member of their church and everyone knows non-members can't participate.

I say F the church and resign!

Enjoy your daughters wedding without the sham membership requirements!

[Hagoth]

[jfro18]

I'm so sorry - that is one of the most damaging parts of the church. I think all of us on here w/ kids think about this a lot, and I'm sorry for you it is coming up now. I think I'd resign, too, although I know that is easier said than done.

I hope that if you do it, it helps to bring some closure for you. I really wish no one had to go through this nonsense.

[Reuben]

This sucks, dude. Probably the worst thing about being an open unbeliever is being looked down on by the Mormons still on the Rameumptom.

The less I identify as a Mormon, the better I feel about myself. I think it's because I get negative self-esteem from being in a stigmatized class in an organization I regard as deeply dysfunctional. If I were to resign, it would probably be to force myself to regard myself as non-Mormon, once and for all.

I'm doing pretty well without resigning, though. Inactivity, drinking coffee, not wearing garments, choosing a new label for my beliefs (Christian agnostic), and not including myself when I refer to Mormons has worked for me. Besides, I don't want to break my wife's heart, and I would lose any remaining influence I have in the local ward. (See that? It's not "my" ward.)

Some members resign to take a stand, and that's fine. Some members resign to make a clean break, and that's also fine. Some members resign to hurt someone else, and I think that's not fine. Just make sure that's not your actual reason, and everything will be fine.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

This sucks, dude. Probably the worst thing about being an open unbeliever is being looked down on by the Mormons still on the Rameumptom.

For some reason this reminds me of the line from yeats in the movie equilibrium

"I pay it gladly"

https://youtu.be/os2Z_Ekg-dM

[lightbulb]

Good thoughts. Thanks! I thought someone might try to talk me down but sounds more like a cheering section! I definitely don't want to hurt my wife and would not even mention it to my daughter till sometime in the distant future. It's been well over ten years. I think my wife is resigned to the fact that I'm a "lost cause". But I feel like I have no integrity. I'm not living an authentic life. I want to say "I'm not a Mormon" but then I have this compulsive need to clarify and muddle the whole thing and I just want to be done with that. I'm fine with my wife and daughter believing what they want but it really hurts that they can't even process the fact that cutting the father out of the wedding is seriously messed up. So yea, the letter is typed up. Going to print it tomorrow and maybe sit on it one more day. But I really want to be done!

[Wonderment]

Good thoughts. Thanks! I thought someone might try to talk me down but sounds more like a cheering section! I definitely don't want to hurt my wife and would not even mention it to my daughter till sometime in the distant future. It's been well over ten years. I think my wife is resigned to the fact that I'm a "lost cause". But I feel like I have no integrity. I'm not living an authentic life. I want to say "I'm not a Mormon" but then I have this compulsive need to clarify and muddle the whole thing and I just want to be done with that. I'm fine with my wife and daughter believing what they want but it really hurts that they can't even process the fact that cutting the father out of the wedding is seriously messed up. So yea, the letter is typed up. Going to print it tomorrow and maybe sit on it one more day. But I really want to be done!

I completely support you and believe that you are making the right decision. Congratuations on this very important step.
I think it is heartbreaking that the church tears families apart at one of the most significant times of their children's lives. - Wndr.

[Mackman]

Lightbulb : One little tidbit that helped me was someone on this board said " I love my wife more than I dislike the church " I tell myself that all the time now and it helps !!! God Bless.

[blazerb]

I'm guessing this will be me in a few years. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take care.

[AllieOop]

Good thoughts. Thanks! I thought someone might try to talk me down but sounds more like a cheering section! I definitely don't want to hurt my wife and would not even mention it to my daughter till sometime in the distant future. It's been well over ten years. I think my wife is resigned to the fact that I'm a "lost cause". But I feel like I have no integrity. I'm not living an authentic life. I want to say "I'm not a Mormon" but then I have this compulsive need to clarify and muddle the whole thing and I just want to be done with that. I'm fine with my wife and daughter believing what they want but it really hurts that they can't even process the fact that cutting the father out of the wedding is seriously messed up. So yea, the letter is typed up. Going to print it tomorrow and maybe sit on it one more day. But I really want to be done!

Good for you! This policy of the church causes an incredible amount of pain and is totally unnecessary.

One thing I'll add is that when it comes time for me to deal with this, I will not be sitting in the temple foyer or outside the temple while members file past me giving me sorrowful looks and thinking "shes' not worthy". I will ask what time I need to be there for pictures afterward (outside the temple) or I may just simply attend the reception and be a part of the pictures there.

[slk]

So sorry to hear what you'll be going through. I've told my story on here before. I was two weeks from sitting outside the temple of my daughter's wedding. Luckily for me they called it off. Shortly after that she met someone else and a year later they were married up the canyon with an amazing background. I had prepared myself the best I could to be shunned and shamed. I was pissed at TSCC and just pissed at the world. Fortunately for me, there was a happy ending. I still have two unmarried kids.

I feel your pain and I'm so sorry. Don't really have any input on resigning but do what feels best for you.

[Tudor_Princess]

It does suck and it really is COMPLETELY unnecessary. As it looks like a lot of you come from Utah I can tell you that the church is different in the U.K. Which proves a lot of church 'policy' and 'doctrine' is actually cultural crap that varies from country to country. Your situation would never happen in the U.K as we have to get married civilly (thank goodness) so why do you have to suffer this way purely because you live in America?! It's messed up.

[slavereeno]

Your situation would never happen in the U.K as we have to get married civilly (thank goodness) so why do you have to suffer this way purely because you live in America?! It's messed up.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves about the church. It would do so much for the church's image to separate the sealing from marriage across the board! Let everybody participate in the wedding then the Mormuns can enjoy the sealing as a religious ceremony separately and nobody gets offended.

[deacon blues]

Your situation would never happen in the U.K as we have to get married civilly (thank goodness) so why do you have to suffer this way purely because you live in America?! It's messed up.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves about the church. It would do so much for the church's image to separate the sealing from marriage across the board! Let everybody participate in the wedding then the Mormuns can enjoy the sealing as a religious ceremony separately and nobody gets offended.

Yeah, it seems like such a good, considerate solution. And in some ways it makes the temple ceremony more special and sacred.
Nah, they'll never go for it.

[Anon70]

that is going to separate me from my daughter at that special moment when she goes from being my little girl to another man's wife. I'll never get to see the expression on her face and she'll never get to see me shed a tear of joy as she makes that life changing transition.

this is why i keep lying for a tr

[lightbulb]

Well, it is done. Resignation letter has been sent. Feels a little weird right now but I am hoping it will help me handle the upcoming ordeal with a little more equanimity. My wife is handling it better than I expected, at least externally. I’m sure she’ll feel the loss in her own way. Bizarrely enough the first thing she said was now that I didn’t have any “skin in the game” that I just needed to leave the whole church thing alone. This organization really does a good job getting inside of people’s heads! Actually I would like nothing more but I’m sure it will keep encroaching in my life in ways that will cause me some grief. But for now at least I have some comfort in knowing that my name is no longer associated with an organization that treats families so poorly.