Loss of belief isn't a trivial thing, but time and effort can help you rebuild into a better life.

[Hermey]

(The following was written and posted on FB by someone else. It's shared with permission.)


TL;DR Loss of belief isn't a trivial thing, but time and effort can help you rebuild into a better life.
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It has occurred to me that humans are no more immune to the G.I.G.O. (garbage in, garbage out) principle than computers are.

When one is taught a certain belief system and there is nary a contradictory challenge to that system...where the data is carefully filtered and sanitized and only data which agrees is permitted through, then that data becomes the foundation of an individual's personality. Every decision, even every thought is influenced by the core data. If that data is corrupted, untrue, shaded, or presented in a certain way to enforce perceptions, we then make decisions (garbage out) based on the data we have (garbage in.)

For that core data set to be set aside...to be recognized as "faulty", "flawed," or "dishonest," usually takes a traumatic event...something for which our core programming is no longer able to make sense and results in massive cognitive dissonance.

The very act of examining our closely held beliefs is traumatic in and of itself. Suddenly, the world no longer makes sense. Everything is upended, trust is lost, fear takes over, and relationships are skewed. We isolate ourselves because those who are closest to us are the very ones who, perhaps unwittingly, created the foundation of our deepest beliefs, beliefs which no longer permit us to make sense of our world.

They're also the ones who know the code phrases and lingo so useful in punching our buttons...to manipulate us into conformity.

The loss of belief though, corrupts those buttons and with the loss of efficacy, the next tool in the arsenal becomes shunning and then gaslighting. At this point isolation is the goal by the community because the corruption of the core data might be spread through contact, just like a germ or virus.

People are by nature, social. Solitary confinement is a punishment in every society. To isolate, shunning in its most extreme form, is a punishment reserved for a society's worst offenders. Historically, banishment from the tribe WAS a death sentence and evolutionarily speaking, we are hard coded to see banishment as a death sentence. In many ways it is. It is often the death of our most treasured relationships, the loss of companionship with friends, family, and loved ones.

When people experience a total collapse of their belief system, there is far more to it than just "oh, if you don't like it, leave. It's your choice to remain." Such platitudes make a mockery of the devastation with which individuals must deal. It ignores the internal mess, the damaged relationships, the loss of trust, the isolation, the fear, the shunning, and the manipulation.

Survival through this can sometimes be "iffy." Too many commit suicide. Many others become deeply depressed. Some lose their way for a time.

Fortunately, humans are resilient. Over time we find communities which can accept us. We rebuild our belief systems. In some cases we find those we love have experienced a similar awakening. We reconnect, we find love again. Families discover that they didn't "bring you back" by shunning you, and in recognizing that, they start learning to accept the "new you."

Time and effort can heal old wounds. Rather than making you conform, they adapt to the authentic you...the one who figured out your own belief system, the one who endured the blistering sun and cold winds...the one who learned to stand on their own. There is a respect that goes with that. It may be grudging sometimes, but believe me, that respect exists.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Beautiful and accurate.

[deacon blues]

Thanks Hermy. I feel fortunate that most of my friends and family seem to be able to accept me, even though I sense they are uncomfortable with my belief system. They rarely question me about it. This seems to be a typical adjustment to a person who loses their belief.

[Archimedes]

On the other hand, if the ones who are closest to you completely reject the "new you," or worse yet consider your views to be a product of Satan, those relationships cannot last and will ultimately be severed. Unless of course you are willing to go back to conformance with the belief system in question.

Jehovah's witnesses I think may have an even more difficult time with these situations than we do. When the group shuns a wayward JW, they REALLY shun him/her.

It is always sad when humans put a belief system before a relationship with another human. Our relationships are, after all, the only thing of importance in life. They should be cherished and nurtured above all else IMHO.