Friendship

[MoPag]

I'm supposed to teach a lesson in RS about friendship. The regular teacher had a family emergency. So I'm kind of throwing this together last minute. Any ideas and/or weird church history stories I could throw in there?

[IT_Veteran]

Wasn't Fanny Alger friendly with Emma until, you know...?

Or tell a story about a friend you were really concerned about when they left the church, but you've still got a good relationship with them and can see how happy they are.

[Red Ryder]

How about a story or two about the really close friends from an old ward. You know, the ones you haven't heard from since you moved?

Or how about the old missionary companion friendship that you haven't heard from since you've been home.

Or the really good friend of the opposite sex whom you can't be seen together alone with because all your neighbors will assume you're cheating on your spouse!

Or the one time a friend went above normal friendship etiquette and let you borrow a pair of garments because you hadn't done your laundry yet and didn't want to break your covenants!

Above mentioned friend was ok with loaning garments because her new name coincidentally happened to be your real name! Tender mercy!

Or the time a long term friendship ended because they took the last donut at the singles ward activity!

[Just This Guy]

You can always throw out the friendship topic entirely. You can say something like: "I was asked last minute to cover a lesson. However, I did not feel I could do justice to that topic in the time I had, so I am doing a lesson on _______ instead." Then go do what ever topic that you are interested in.

[whatififly]

Wasn't Fanny Alger friendly with Emma until, you know...?

Or tell a story about a friend you were really concerned about when they left the church, but you've still got a good relationship with them and can see how happy they are.

This is a great idea. Be sure to emphasize how you can see how their journey is right for them and they're such a wonderful person and leaving hasn't diminished that at all.

[alas]

I would talk about how pretending friendship to convert, reactivate, get through the temple, only offends people. I would tell them about my good sister in law who was not married in the temple first time around, so later they wanted to be sealed. So, the ward assigned them “friends” to help with the process. Well, the fake friends got them to the temple, but as soon as these fake friends thought their job of “fellow shipping” was finished because the couple made it to the temple, they dropped the friendship, like a hot potatoe. My sister in law, who thought the woman who was assigned was a real friend instead of a fake assigned friend, was so hurt when this woman told her she was only being nice to get her through the temple and did not want to continue any relationship. My sweet sister in law thought it was so underhanded and manipulative and dishonest to fake friendship like that that she and her husband went inactive, never to return to church.

Another situation I saw was a woman in a new neighborhood where homes were being built and new families moving in. So, this sister took over fresh baked bread, welcomed them to thenieghborhood, was supper supper friendly for about two weeks, then she asked them if they wanted to know more about Mormonism. So, when one family said no, she moved all her friendship onto the next move in family and just totally stopped all friendship efforts with the family that turned her down. She went through about ten families this way. Pretty soon the neighbors were warning the new move in families that she was just faking friendship long enough to invite them to join the Mormon church and then stopped being friendly. Word got around and Mormons got a real black eye as fake people who were only interested in selling their church.

When you fake friendship in order to feel good about how you are being a missionary, when you fake friendship to fill a church assignment to “fellowship” someone, you do more harm than good. People see through it soon enough and rather than thinking what a good loving Christian you are, they think you are dishonest and false and cannot be trusted. Of course, people DO start to think that ALL Mormons are this way, because they do hear that Mormons are encouraged to teach their friends, to make new friends with the goal of converting, so they assume that all Mormons are dishonest liars. They see that we are taught to be dishonest liars. If we lie with our behavior about liking someone, what else are we dishonest about?

So, I would talk about friendship as love, and that if you honestly cannot love someone, don’t pretend. At least have the decency not to harm people with fake friendship.

[Not Buying It]

I would echo the sentiments of others who have suggested you emphasize that true friendship weathers changes in religious beliefs. It’s been my experience not every Mormon gets that.

[Lithium Sunset]

I love what alas wrote (of course).

Two weeks ago I had two active “friends” invite me seperately to lunch, literally a few days apart when I haven’t spoke with either in a long time. I chalked it up to a coincidence and was glad to spend time with each. I learned that one was gardening with the other so maybe I came up in conversation. Them missing me is a nice thought...but today the missionaries show up, again, after a very long time of not seeing them. Maybe one of them reached out to the missionaries becuase life is challenging for me and my sons and they think we need the gospel... or maybe we are just on the list of try to reactivate. Who knows for sure, both are a viable options and the later the most likely.
I want to say who cares and really I don’t but the only reason I don’t care is becuase I dont trust the friendship fully so I wont invest too much time into it.

[whatififly]

I would echo the sentiments of others who have suggested you emphasize that true friendship weathers changes in religious beliefs. It’s been my experience not every Mormon gets that.

This is.my experience for sure.

[whatififly]

I had a recent experience similar to Lithium Sunset's. A "friend" from the ward must have been asked to reach out and so left a bag of cookies on my porch with a gushy note about how much she misses seeing us. This woman has never been been friendly with me at church.

Sent her message and pointed out that she still knows where we live if she misses seeing us. That shut her fellowshipping down fast.

[deacon blues]

I would echo the sentiments of others who have suggested you emphasize that true friendship weathers changes in religious beliefs. It’s been my experience not every Mormon gets that.

1+++++++

[MoPag]

Thanks for your help everyone! You guys are the best! I did bring up how a true friend will love you even if you stop going to church. I got a couple smiles and head nods.