As a transitioning member, as I say goodbye to some in one community, I'm hoping to find another.
I converted to the church in 97, TBM for quite some time... My faith crisis story started last summer - almost separated from my DH (kicked him out of the house for a few things...) and in the midst of this, another TBM family member was put in jail... painful thing involving my own kids and others... not sure if G-d calls pedophiles to serve in the bishopric and other leadership positions? Not just a case of one bad apple - it involved everyone who looked the other way, and sustained them knowing at least part of their history.
While I still consider myself to be a religious person, I am now broadening my belief system - I guess I will be non-denomination for a bit? Agnostic leaning theist? I have had spiritual experiences in the LDS church - why I converted in the first place, and I am trying to not get dragged down into negative thoughts. There were many good things in the LDS church, I just don't think it is led by G-d anymore, or perhaps parts are led by G-d and others not - but I do not think it is the only true church etc.. seems like a loving G-d would guide and direct everyone, no favoritism, that there is a little divine inspiration in all the religious groups out there. After thinking through the spiritual experiences I had at the LDS church, I never did receive confirmation on the BOM or prophets or the priesthood. I did receive personal guidance, and confirmation on the plan of salvation, have felt the spirit in the temple and in other meetings - but thinking back it was over generic things, things most humans would agree with.
Anyways, through this transition, I have gone from stay-at-home TBM mom, to working full+ time juggling kids etc. but loving my work. This thing I went through - women were the protectors, and women in my family provide... so yea, I have legitimate reasons I do not trust the priesthood, and have turned into a bit of a feminist through this - or at least an "equalist". Interesting, the new prophet Nelson married a girl who chose her career above family, has ended HT/VT and replaced with gender-neutral program, also now requires 2-deep leadership regardless of sexual orientation - I'm hoping the new youth program announced this weekend will be more gender neutral as well.
I go to church - kids need stability, it is where their friends are etc. etc. but I do not have a TR, do not have any callings ... part of me would love to go back to the good-old-TBM-days but part of me is angry/confused at G-d, and I just need something that makes sense for everyone on this planet - not just 1% of the population. I appreciate the need and advantages of being part of a faith community, and love many of the people in my ward...but I have to honor my own conscience and need to feel free to define my own beliefs, and hopefully not get anyone too angry when I do not support/sustain random priesthood leaders I do not know etc. etc. I enjoy church - donot agree with everything that is said, but agree with a lot of it - as with any group I suppose.
Looking forward to the "be one" celebration tonight - hoping they do a good job with it. I think it is great to see any organization acknowledge and address a painful past, to move towards a better future.
My short list of concerns:
- Women's issues: Priesthood, polygamy, nurture vs. provide/protect roles
Scripture literalism - for all scriptures, BoM, Bible, Book of Abraham etc. (flood, creation, etc.)
LGBT issues, sexuality issues within church
Racial issues (priesthood ban etc.)
- Genealogy, family sealing, FHE, family support
Personal revelation, temples (even though I turned in my TR)
General Christian values, be kind, serve, charity, forgiveness, repentance etc.
Volunteer opportunities and aspects
Fascinating to hear everyone's stories. Feeling blessed to have the internet to connect with others.
