Is Church the New Santa

[Linked]

I've got a bunch of nieces and nephews and they are growing up so fast. One is at BYU already, and boys are approaching missionary age. But the boys aren't planning to go on missions. At least not the oldest two. One has fully rejected the church and the other seems to just not be into it as much as he is into the military. They are both in northern Utah County.

I wonder if for teenagers these days belief in the church is the new belief in Santa; something that you believe in until your peers break your belief. Instead of hearing about how you stayed up and caught a peek of your parents with presents and no Santa the kids might be talking about how mormon beliefs just don't make sense, or about rocks in hats or polyandry or something. I would like to ask my nephews, but that would probably hurt my relationship with my siblings.

Have you guys seen any of this?

[IT_Veteran]

My son told my DW about 7-8 months ago that he had decided not to serve a mission, but his testimony was fine. It wasn’t until two months after I came out that he told us he didn’t believe and hadn’t for some time.

I think a huge part of it is access to information. We’re taught to raise critical thinkers in every regard except when it comes to the church, I think our kids stop differentiating between the church and the rest of the world when it comes to learning.

We have media like Leah Remini’s expose of Scientology, and we’re not discouraged from viewing it. Kids start seeing the parallels between those other religions and their own. Same thing with spiritual witness.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the youth of today want to do something meaningful in the world. They want to do good. Their peers are able to come out as LGBTQ much earlier and more openly. They realize that these kids are just like them, they just want to be happy. Then they’re going to church and hearing that their friends are misguided, choosing to sin, or have to spend their lives alone.

[glass shelf]

My kids google everything. They use google 231 times a day. If I hadn't left the church, I have no doubt that some of them would have figured it out in their teen years. I had information when I was a kid, but it was carefully curated--the encyclopedia set on the shelf, the church books, etc. My kids have grown up knowing that they can research anything in a matter of minutes with the cell phone in their hand.

I highly suspect that many of my uber TBM friends and family members will have some of their kids leave the church. If they're 18 or older, they're welcome to talk to me about it.

[Jeffret]

I would like to ask my nephews, but that would probably hurt my relationship with my siblings.

I figure if they're adults then it's up to them who they want to talk with and about what, whether they want to engage in non-correlated topics with me. With a number of my nieces and nephews we've discussed a number of things about our relationship with and criticism of the church. In some cases, it may have deteriorated my relationship with their parents, though I think in at least one case that started earlier by disagreements over politics. Admittedly, with some of them their relationship with their parents is somewhat strained as it is. I may be imagining it, but I think sometimes the parent is glad that we're supporting their kids, even if we don't agree.

If they're a minor, then it's a very different story. I try not to have discussions with them about things their parents might disapprove.

If they're adults, though, and you have a chance for a discussion, I'd say go ahead and do it.

[Linked]

I agree that the access to information is much greater now. The internet was a toddler when I was a teenager, but now google is a trusted source and there are online communities for everything and anyone who is internet savvy knows it. I think that is why church belief is like Santa, the kids are exposed to opposing viewpoints that they wouldn't have gotten before the internet. And once one friend finds something out they talk and it spreads.

If they're 18 or older, they're welcome to talk to me about it.

If they're a minor, then it's a very different story. I try not to have discussions with them about things their parents might disapprove.

If they're adults, though, and you have a chance for a discussion, I'd say go ahead and do it.

Yeah, these are 17 year old boys. My niece at BYU is an adult but she doesn't seem interested in discussing opposing viewpoints.

[wtfluff]

At least Santa brought gifts.

What does the church bring? Guilt, fear, shame, feeling inadequate... And it costs you 11%+ of your income, and who knows how much of your time.

[Reuben]

At least Santa brought gifts.

What does the church bring? Guilt, fear, shame, feeling inadequate... And it costs you 11%+ of your income, and who knows how much of your time.

What about super awesome VIP heaven where you can do god stuff?

[Anon70]

I live in an LDS place and I don’t see this. But, there is a lot of inactivity and a lot of....unorthodox behavior. Eating out on Sunday for example. So I wonder if their belief is more about fitting in with the community than it is about belief? Or if they’ve never questioned but just hold themselves to a looser interpretation of the gospel? Not sure but even our most inactive associates defend the church and “believe” it’s true.

[wtfluff]

At least Santa brought gifts.

What does the church bring? Guilt, fear, shame, feeling inadequate... And it costs you 11%+ of your income, and who knows how much of your time.

What about super awesome VIP heaven where you can do god stuff?

Just like Santa's workshop! (It doesn't exist...)