Were Neanderthals the first Mormons?

[moksha]

I remember hearing in Church that Jesus was a Mormon. This was taken even further back in history when it was said that Adam and Eve were Mormons. If this whopperish progression is taken even further back, would it be fair to claim that the Neanderthals were the first Mormons? Probably.

The Neanderthals from Eurasia first encountered Modern Man from Africa somewhere in the Middle East; being both Mormons they naturally interbred. The good thing about this was that no conversion was required and neither group had to give up drinking, smoking, or watching R-rated movies.

Perhaps some specially anointed Neanderthal men even had more than one Modern wife.

[Mad Jax]

Neanderthal DNA may be the source of some genes that contribute to light colored skin, so technically the first priesthood holders would certainly be at least part Neanderthal.

[moksha]

Further confirmation for Neanderthals being Mormon could be deduced from the fact that there is no emphasis placed on Neanderthal baptisms for the dead. If the assumption is made that they already had their work done because they were Mormons, it explains the reasoning behind this inaction.

[alas]

No, Neanderthal were not Mormon. Absolutly no evidence of green jello has been found in relationship to Neanderthal remains, and I am pretty sure none will be.

[1smartdodog]

No but some Mormons are Neanderthals

[RubinHighlander]

I think the Neanderthals ran into the same problems as correlated approved church artists; the wall art they did thousands of years ago revealed their timeline to be older than 7000 years old. Because that didn't line up with the creation story, they blamed the artists and carbon dating and then banned all dating between homo sapiens as well as any more approved cave art. Perhaps RSM will have a revelation and exonerate those poor cave artists someday, but that's not likely, given the correlated narrative.

[JustHangingOn@57]

Yes, Neanderthals were indeed the first Latter-Day-Saints, or as they were called 30,000 years ago "Earlier-Timer-Period-Saints". Interesting fact, the first (what we now call "ministering") program 15,500 years ago was affectionately referred to as "Cave Teaching" visits. It sadly went the way of "in your face racism" from the 1970's and the G-Men and Golden Gleaners of the 40's when the church realized that "Cave Visits" often turned out to be violent fights between the higher priesthood and the lower priesthood brethren, who wielded their god sanctioned flaming swords to steal other people's mates and any animal kills they may have made just before the cave visit. (For time and eternity, of course). Sex was always involved, during the Neanderthal period. But they always had faith that in but a few short years (13,000 to be exact) they would live to see the Savior's 1st coming . They even had temples, but we can't find them today because our heavenly father hid the Temples to test our faith. I learned much of this history, which I testify is true, doing indexing and cleaning the toilet at church. Ramen.