Buckle up, apocalypse imminent!

[Ben Davis]

The end has been nigh for ~200 years in Mormonism. Can’t help but SMH and wonder how this inspires urgency to this day.

[Reuben]

The end has been nigh for ~200 years in Mormonism. Can’t help but SMH and wonder how this inspires urgency to this day.

My family is reading the New Testament at night, and we're just finishing up Corinthians 1. (NIV translation. I wouldn't use the KJV to read Paul's backwater Greek if my life depended on it.) It turns out that the end was nigh back then, too.

I wonder if the end has always been nigh, regardless of country, tribe or religion. It was nigh when I was a kid for environment reasons - I remember being taught to fear acid rain. Maybe some people just don't feel right unless the sky is falling, and then their fear gets enshrined in doctrine.

[Jeffret]

My family is reading the New Testament at night, and we're just finishing up Corinthians 1. (NIV translation. I wouldn't use the KJV to read Paul's backwater Greek if my life depended on it.) It turns out that the end was nigh back then, too.

The KJV has got some some beautiful poetry, particularly in the Pauline sections. Sometimes it just begs to be recited aloud. If you're looking for that, the KJV is a good choice. If you want to actually understand Paul, the KJV is a terrible choice. The NIV is an excellent one.

[Corsair]

Every generation of Christians has two things in common:

1. They believe the Second Coming is right around the corner
2. They are wrong about this belief

I don't know why any Mormon would think the Second Coming imminent considering these words of Sister Wendy Nelson from January of 2016.

So, now a question as I conclude: What if you learned that the Savior had already returned to this earth—that He, as part of His Second Coming, had already met with some of His true followers in several marvelous, large gatherings—gatherings about which the world, including CNN and the blogosphere, knew nothing. If you found out that the Savior was already on the earth, what would you desperately want to do today, and what would you be willing and ready to do tomorrow?

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ ... e?lang=eng

Well, Sister President Wendy, the thing I would "be willing and ready to do tomorrow" is simple: I would politely and publicly assume you were wrong or at least misguided and go about my day pursuing the long term plans I already had in place.

[IT_Veteran]

The end has been nigh for ~200 years in Mormonism. Can’t help but SMH and wonder how this inspires urgency to this day.

This was one of my shelf items as well. I started realizing that every generation has been taught that they would witness the second coming by some congregation or another. Joseph proclaimed he would see it. I quite frankly think he'd be surprised at the staying power of what he created.

[GoodBoy]

I don't mean to brag or anything.... but I've survived quite a few imminent apocalypses thus far.

The world has survived uncounted "ends of the world" thus far and I anticipate it will survive quite a few more into the future.

It is amazing the power that fear of the coming apocalypse has to help people coalesce and increase their devotion. The leader of North Korea also knows well how this fear can help to consolidate power and make people compliant and this is why he deliberately perpetuates it.

[GoodBoy]

Every generation of Christians has two things in common:

1. They believe the Second Coming is right around the corner
2. They are wrong about this belief

Jesus Christ himself likely believed the "Kingdom of Heaven was at hand".

[slavereeno]

Alpaca-lips! That's hilarious. I just helped my parents move and we probably dumped a full ton of wheat and beans from the 1970's. I have helped them move this junk to three, now four different homes with the council of "one day it will be worth it's weight in gold." Moms council this weekend was "Yeah, well, I was an idiot."

Thank You! I needed this affirmation, as I toss another can of stale rice to my chickens. Love your Mom's council!

You know if I had put the money spent on that can of rice into my 401(k) it would be worth about $80 today. Ahhhh the "wisdom" of the profits...

[moksha]

I think it was Heber J. Nostradamus who predicted in 1913:

"There shall be more nude clogging in the Temple and yea our prayers for moisture shall be answered to signal the arrival of the second coming."

[RubinHighlander]

During the Lich Apocalypse, I'll be able to trade the Diet Coke with mormons for all the (expired?) mormon food storage in the world (Diet Coke withdrawals are hell!)

I'll be able to trade the whiskey for whatever the non-mormons have stored up. (Ammo and magazines?)

This is actually a great point. Things you can trade as valuable commodities are practical to think about. I've got food storage, booze and ammo but no diet coke! That could actually come in quite handy with the TBMs. Also things like toilet paper, lighters, water purifiers...

So let's say it get's ugly; not the 2nd coming apocalypse the fundamentalist believe in but maybe the power grid goes down for several months. Now armed gangs are coming into your hood. I could certainly defend my small castle for a while but I really hate the prospect of it coming down to me having to kill anyone. I think if it got that ugly, I'd consider calling it good, get really buzzed and make an exit. I have some pretty descent stock of things for hard times but I'm not a zealous prepper with a bug out plan and a stocked underground bunker to run off too. I might bug out to a remote location, but the older I get the less I care about survival in really crappy conditions. I don't know, maybe I'd react differently if it really went down. It's kind of like a terminal illness; will you fight or flight at this stage in your life? I don't know for sure and I hope I never have to cross any of these bridges!

[Rob4Hope]

I'll trade case loads of cigarettes for anything I want!

[JustHangingOn@57]

Have to admit, I still stock up on stuff. Especially ammo and back issues of The National Review and Glenn Beck's rag.

Old habits die hard.

Several years ago my in laws somberly called wife and I over to tell us something important. "Kids, we need you to make sure you have your food supply well stocked. Your dad and I firmly believe the world, because of Obama, is going to take a turn for the worse. Food prices are going to skyrocket. A new world order will be formed with the help of the president. As Latter Day Saints we know this to be true. The scriptures foresaw our times." (pause for dramatic effect). "hey Burge"', I asked, "where did you hear this devistating and chilling prediction?"

"well, Glen Beck beautifully laid it out to us on the board behind him on his show on Faux news (my spelling) tonight"

Oh, I see. Glen Former fu****g drug addict Beck. That guy. Whispered to wife "ok let's go. I'm done here"

[Corsair]

Several years ago my in laws somberly called wife and I over to tell us something important. "Kids, we need you to make sure you have your food supply well stocked. Your dad and I firmly believe the world, because of Obama, is going to take a turn for the worse. Food prices are going to skyrocket. A new world order will be formed with the help of the president. As Latter Day Saints we know this to be true.

If you bring up the failed "prophesies" of family members after the fact they really get annoyed at you. It turns passive-aggressive just long enough for them to change the subject. I had a family member who listened to more right wing talk radio than is recommended. She seemed quite interested in the "prophecies" of Julie Rowe and some other weird Jewish numerology involving lunar eclipses. She was warning us that big things would be happening by the end of the year (probably 2012). I told her that I would call her on Christmas and ask how the apocalypse turned out. She looked at me like I was nuts since clearly the civil infrastructure would not be able to support phone calls due to widespread apocalypse.

That ended the conversation that evening. But I did talk to this family member the next Christmas and did ask about the apocalypse. She did not have any comment and rapidly changed the subject.

This is part of a long history of doom and gloom from sore losers. I heard conservatives predicting tyranny in 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected. Then liberals returned the favor in 2000 after George Bush won a disputed election. Religious conservatives got into it in 2008 after Obama took office. There was a brief bit of excitement and religious optimism when Mitt Romney ran in 2012. Mitt's loss signalled a new round of conservative concern over missing the last chance to stop Obama's tyranny(?). Trump has united liberals and some conservatives foreseeing the apocalypse as of 2016. This is largely the opposite case of what would have happened if Ms. Clinton had won the presidency.

In every single case, if you inflict any politcal talk radio on yourself you will hear some pundit earnestly saying that this next election is super important and possibly the most important in decades. You will be urged to hold your nose and vote for their favored candidate in spite of any misgivings you might have.

My favorite political situation is when the president is one party and congress is dominated by the other. Then very little happens and I tend to be happier.

[nibbler]

Don't worry. I got this.

If I see Jesus coming I'll spray a garden hose with the nozzle set on mist towards a light source. That will buy us at least another year.

[Corsair]

Don't worry. I got this.

If I see Jesus coming I'll spray a garden hose with the nozzle set on mist towards a light source. That will buy us at least another year.

This would be an excellent conspiracy theory. Any restaurant running "misters" to cool the outside is part of a secret cabal to prevent the Second Coming. An evil organization would obviously run fountains that create a rainbow every day just to push out the date of the Return of Jesus.

[Reuben]

Don't worry. I got this.

If I see Jesus coming I'll spray a garden hose with the nozzle set on mist towards a light source. That will buy us at least another year.

I read this late at night and thought you were planning to spray Jesus himself with a garden hose if you saw him coming. That was hilarious.

Don't worry, what you actually said is also amusing.

[Hagoth]

Things you can trade as valuable commodities are practical to think about. I've got food storage, booze and ammo but no diet coke! That could actually come in quite handy with the TBMs. Also things like toilet paper, lighters, water purifiers..

Remember when you could go to church-owned canneries and can your apocalypse food? We have a basement full of it. Someone else I know used the church equipment to fill number 10 cans with matchbooks, which he intends to use as currency in the pending endtimes.

[RubinHighlander]

Things you can trade as valuable commodities are practical to think about. I've got food storage, booze and ammo but no diet coke! That could actually come in quite handy with the TBMs. Also things like toilet paper, lighters, water purifiers..

Remember when you could go to church-owned canneries and can your apocalypse food? We have a basement full of it. Someone else I know used the church equipment to fill number 10 cans with matchbooks, which he intends to use as currency in the pending endtimes.

Remember GBH's talk about the seven good and bad years? There were folks canning ammunition with that church equipment as well! Last days narrative run amuck. Probably just one more reason the COB backed off talking about it.

[Archimedes]

Don't worry. I got this.

If I see Jesus coming I'll spray a garden hose with the nozzle set on mist towards a light source. That will buy us at least another year.

Now why would you want to go around misting Jesus? He"s gonna be mad as hell, with those red robes and everything. Might be better to leave the mister off and hide behind some shrubberies.

[wtfluff]

He"s gonna be mad as hell, with those red robes and everything. Might be better to leave the mister off and hide behind some shrubberies.

A Shrubbery???