Buckle up, apocalypse imminent!

[Hagoth]

Mrs. Hagoth told me that a group of people at church today were talking about the prophetic hints in General Conference of how Jesus is practically on the doorstep. Someone counted all of the times the Second Coming was mentioned. Twice! They mentioned it twice. They concluded that it surely must have been a nudge-nudge-wink-wink-he-that-hath-ears warning to the enlightened ones to start getting "prepared."

These were older folks talking so surely they must remember back in the '70s when the Second Coming was getting about 50 mentions in conference and we were storing two years of food in our basements. Man, those prophets/Seers/Revelators can't say anything these days without prophesy-starved people going of all half-cocked. Of course, back then we actually still thought we were going back to Missouri with our torches and pitchforks.

[Palerider]

The odd thing about "2nd Coming fear" is that it has the "we must be prepared!" syndrome attached to it, which is totally unscriptural.

If the 2nd Coming were to happen tomorrow, all of the righteous would be caught up to the Savior as Paul says. So laying aside food does the righteous no good whatsoever. Being a good person is what counts at the 2nd Coming, not how many bags of wheat you have hidden in the basement.

Now if one wants to speak of the seven years PRIOR to the 2nd Coming, even then two years of food storage isn't going to get it done, but also anyone who is paying attention to Bible prophecy would be able to see this coming a mile away.

For instance the Jews have to build a temple where they can begin again to offer sacrifice. Because of war those sacrifices will be stopped midway through the seven years. Where do we think they're going to build a temple?

Only one place....and Al-aqsa mosque and the Dome of the Rock are sitting on top of it. So when you see those buildings torn down and a new jewish temple started.....things might be getting close.

At least that's many Christians loose interpretation of how some things will unfold. The really interesting thing is that I never have heard any modern prophet or apostle make a serious attempt to establish the order of everything that has to happen prior to the 2nd Coming. They just don't want to go there. Too much of a possibility of being wrong and then exposed as the false prophets that they are. Better to keep people on the hook of "it's just around the corner, keep paying your tithing" than to go out on a limb and have it cut off beneath you.

For most of those people who are reading all this stuff into GC talks they just like that shiver that runs down their leg when they talk about such things. Church membership thrives on being adrenalin junkies. It's like, "Let's all get in a circle and talk until we scare the hell out of each other and then we can go home and watch the BYU football game on the big screen."

[BlackMormon]

I doubt we are anywhere near the Second Coming... not until the New World Order gets put into place anyway plus we still need to see the false Christs. False prophets are already a dime a dozen around the world. Also, the saints would be persecuted and killed. With the Church always avoiding persecution by changing policies and doctrines, chances of that happening are slim.

“Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you, and ye shall be hated of all nations, for my name’s sake. …
“For in those days there shall also arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch, that, if possible, they shall deceive the very elect [faithful]. …“You also shall hear of wars, and rumors of wars; see that ye be not troubled, for all I have told you must come to pass; but the end is not yet. …“There shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes.”

We are not even close to being hated of all nations for His name's sake. So, my guess is that we have many years, if not decades ahead before the world turns into the mess described in the Bible BEFORE the SC occurs. Mormons won't be persecuted if they keep adjusting doctrine to be more worldly and more accepted by society and government.

[EternityIsNow]

If Jewish extremist blow-up the dome of the rock to build a temple, we may not get the second coming, but we sure will get an apocalypse.

The best thing the church could do to promote world peace would be to proclaim that the second coming is allegorical.

[oliver_denom]

I just think the belief that the end of the world is imminent is an integral part of Christianity. It was there from the very beginning. Jesus preached it, Paul preached it, those who came after preached it in each subsequent generation. If you believe that Jesus is going to appear in the clouds at any moment, then you are more likely to live your life as if you're about to meet him.

It's a very practical belief that's often misused, doesn't mean it's actually going to happen.

[Corsair]

Are we now officially done with the catch phrase, "Hastening the Work"? It had not been mentioned very much in Monson's declining years. We are a long way from Spencer Kimball's "Lengthen Your Stride" and it has been more than a century since The Millennial Star published the signs and wonders in the heavens for a long overdue 19th century Second Coming.

I'm waiting for the t-shirt worthy catch phrase that Nelson or Oaks will throw out to the faithful. I'm guessing that it wil involve "Ministering" but it needs add in some kind of urgency for the return of Jesus. "Jesus is coming! Look busy!" is kind of the vibe I'm guessing they will provide.

[alas]

I doubt we are anywhere near the Second Coming... not until the New World Order gets put into place anyway plus we still need to see the false Christs. False prophets are already a dime a dozen around the world. Also, the saints would be persecuted and killed. With the Church always avoiding persecution by changing policies and doctrines, chances of that happening are slim.

“Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you, and ye shall be hated of all nations, for my name’s sake. …
“For in those days there shall also arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch, that, if possible, they shall deceive the very elect [faithful]. …“You also shall hear of wars, and rumors of wars; see that ye be not troubled, for all I have told you must come to pass; but the end is not yet. …“There shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes.”

We are not even close to being hated of all nations for His name's sake. So, my guess is that we have many years, if not decades ahead before the world turns into the mess described in the Bible BEFORE the SC occurs. Mormons won't be persecuted if they keep adjusting doctrine to be more worldly and more accepted by society and government.

I don't know if looking to see if Mormons are persecuted is looking in the right place. That would be assuming they are the true followers of Christ. Maybe it is actually West Bourough Baptists, they are plenty hated, but still probably not as hated as they deserve.

Of course if you listen to some trumpites, Christians are being terribly persecuted and their right to inflict Christian prayer on everybody is being eroded, and their right to persecute gays is being taken away, and they are being so discriminated against that they cannot even keep the whole nation reserved just for Christians.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

I think if you want to see actual christian persecution, look at the northern Iraqi assyrian christians. They not only have the honor of being IN babylon, but being kidnapped, raped, blown up, shot, beheaded, and pillaged at the hands of ISIS and off and on from other islamist groups. Everything else western christian sects complain of is make believe.

[Corsair]

I think if you want to see actual christian persecution, look at the northern Iraqi assyrian christians. They not only have the honor of being IN babylon, but being kidnapped, raped, blown up, shot, beheaded, and pillaged at the hands of ISIS and off and on from other islamist groups. Everything else western christian sects complain of is make believe.

<danger: sarcasm ahead>

How does this compare with the "religious freedom" issue that Oaks always brings up? Is this as bad as people being annoyed with the LDS church when the church is passive-aggressively unkind to LBGT people? Shouldn't the LDS church have the freedom from the court of public opinion when they label monogamous, loving LGBT relationships as apostate?

[slavereeno]

I remember this growing up, that Spencer Kimball gave someone a jar of wheat for their wedding and supposedly someone asked him "Why a jar of wheat for a wedding present?" and the Profit's response was "If you knew what I know, you would be giving wheat also." *Cue dramatic music*

I think that story about SWK was probably Mormon urban legend taught in the year supply classes we used to have on Saturdays. But the sentiment was real as I recall, that we would really need that food storage. Over the past few years I have been called upon to help DUMP thousands of pounds of food storage. Most people are actually holding on the 30+ year old wheat, but flour, oats, beans, honey, sugar etc. are being tossed.

Why would the Profit tell us to hoard food that we were just gunna end up tossing out anyway? Why not wait until the alpaca-lips is a bit closer, say, within the storage span of a #10 can of chocolate pudding? As a young married couple DW and I sacrificed a significant portion of our budget to food storage that is now SPOILING in ADDITION to tithing and FO. Holy cow, I can feel myself turning into a bitter ex-mo hulk rage monster thinking about this stuff...

BTW, what happened to all the year supply talks in GC?? Seems like I hear so little of that these days, shouldn't that be ramping up as the Effing alpca-lips gets ever so damn close!?

I'm triggered.

[Archimedes]

Oh, I would love a good zombie apocalypse.

Warm up those crossbows, peeps.

There is nothing in Mormonism that hasn't been done 10x better by average science fiction writers.

[oliver_denom]

BTW, what happened to all the year supply talks in GC?? Seems like I hear so little of that these days, shouldn't that be ramping up as the Effing alpca-lips gets ever so damn close!?

It will be coming back soon. The year 2030 is a 200 year anniversary for the church, and roughly 2000 years since Jesus died, so prophesies will be coming out of the woodwork. Seems far off, but it's only 12 years away.

[1smartdodog]

It was not very long ago that Boyd Packer stood in conference and said it was a long way off. Something like our children’s children would come and go before the second coming.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

It was not very long ago that Boyd Packer stood in conference and said it was a long way off. Something like our children’s children would come and go before the second coming.

October 2011 to be precise. I use the reference often to combat the rhetoric in discussions with the more dogmatic relatives.

[slavereeno]

It was not very long ago that Boyd Packer stood in conference and said it was a long way off. Something like our children’s children would come and go before the second coming.

Soooo, why the hell was I budgeting out of my very meagre newlywed earnings for crappy food supply that i was never going to eat or use?!?!

I got F***ing food storage for Christmas one year! Now its all expired and I had to store it for 20 years in the mean time. Do you know how many times I have had to move mine and other people's food storage? None of its been used and its all expired!

WTF!!! this gets me so triggered! *breathe Slavereeno, breathe*

[Archimedes]

Have to admit, I still stock up on stuff. Especially ammo and back issues of The National Review and Glenn Beck's rag.

Old habits die hard.

[Hagoth]

“For in those days there shall also arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch, that, if possible, they shall deceive the very elect [faithful].

I would be tempted to say that the existence of "prophets" in SLC would fit this description, but only if "great signs and wonders" means malls and land grabs.

[Hagoth]

I remember this growing up, that Spencer Kimball gave someone a jar of wheat for their wedding and supposedly someone asked him "Why a jar of wheat for a wedding present?" and the Profit's response was "If you knew what I know, you would be giving wheat also." *Cue dramatic music*

Another SWK urban myth was the one where he got up in an area conference and asked everyone who had a 2-year supply to raise their hand. Only a few hands went up. Kimball said, "then there's nothing I can do to save you," and sat down.

I had a room mate in college who believed the myths about the ghostly hitch hiker in Southern Idaho who would ask you if you had your 2-year supply and then vanish into thin air. I love that stuff.

[consiglieri]

I don't know why any Mormon would think the Second Coming imminent considering these words of Sister Wendy Nelson from January of 2016.

So, now a question as I conclude: What if you learned that the Savior had already returned to this earth—that He, as part of His Second Coming, had already met with some of His true followers in several marvelous, large gatherings—gatherings about which the world, including CNN and the blogosphere, knew nothing. If you found out that the Savior was already on the earth, what would you desperately want to do today, and what would you be willing and ready to do tomorrow?

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ ... e?lang=eng

[wtfluff]

Have to admit, I still stock up on stuff. Especially ammo and back issues of The National Review and Glenn Beck's rag.

I only stock up on up on Diet Coke and whiskey any more.

During the Lich Apocalypse, I'll be able to trade the Diet Coke with mormons for all the (expired?) mormon food storage in the world (Diet Coke withdrawals are hell!)

I'll be able to trade the whiskey for whatever the non-mormons have stored up. (Ammo and magazines?)

I had a room mate in college who believed the myths about the ghostly hitch hiker in Southern Idaho who would ask you if you had your 2-year supply and then vanish into thin air. I love that stuff.

I'll bet that ghostly hitch-hiker has completely disappeared now that cell-phone cameras are a thing, right?