Talk me down

[notforprophet]

I just came here to rant. Please enjoy or ignore as it suits you. Thanks for being here guys.

I noticed the GC gushing on Facebook and man did it ever depress me.
"If you do what's right, you need not fear."
[rant]
That passive aggressive fear-tactic garbage makes me so mad. Like all-caps-mad. Like, raised pulse, hot skin, mad. Like "sweetheart can you please give daddy a second, he's not feeling very happy right now" through a strained smile mad.

Seeing my friends and family burrow deeper and deeper into the shit pile fills me sadness and rage.
I never felt the same joy when people joined the church as I do when I learn of another sister or brother that has opened their eyes. I'm having to resist the desire to send every argument that I can think of to: Dad, Friends, Aunts and Uncles in Town, Everyone. I know it will amount to nothing. I know it's only effect will be to hurt relationships. But it's still tough to keep my burning mouth shut.
[/rant]
*Deep Breath*

[moksha]

Here is a fun sing-along video to help calm and relax you:

https://weirdalma.bandcamp.com/track/yo ... h-this-cob

[slavereeno]

Seeing my friends and family burrow deeper and deeper into the shit pile fills me sadness and rage.

I feel your pain.

[AllieOop]

I just came here to rant. Please enjoy or ignore as it suits you. Thanks for being here guys.

I noticed the GC gushing on Facebook and man did it ever depress me.

For some reason, I'm feeling exactly as you are after this conference (and it's been almost 8 years since I stopped attending).

I think it's shameful how most can just brush aside all of the horror that has been revealed these past few weeks regarding what basically amounts to what was a hidden rape room in the MTC (among other cases that have come to light regarding sexual abuse) and cheer over no more HT and VT

Here's a post from another forum that sums up how I feel today:

If ever there was a week when the Post, Ex, Lapsed, Mormons could find some hope and seemed to have the momentum to created the pressure necessary to force change in the church to address some of the issues we would like to see made in the church it was these past 2 weeks. If one is to believe all of the hype elicited from the various public marches, petitions and bad sexual abuse news regarding the LDS Church coupled with a near disaster PR response these last few weeks from the church, one could logically conclude that the church is on the ropes and is in the throws of its death rattle.

And yet within the believer camp, nothing could be further from the truth. Like it or not, the church has built an almost impenetrable wall around its core 29.6% believing, tithing paying membership. Nothing seemed to have gotten through this wall. If any evidence to this reality is needed one only has to look at this past week. Seemingly, all of the bad news and PR disasters that we on the outside see as fatal blows ended up being not much more than a small blimp on the believers radar screen.

The collective Mormon core, heard the bad press, saw the marches and took it all in as white noise, part of the greater background attacks against the church that they love. Instead of this moment bringing pressure on the church and creating an opportunity for change the collective church shrugged it off and is moving on as if nothing ever happened.

All is well in Zion

[Red Ryder]

Here's the problem and a recommended solution. Ready for this?

Problem: Your eyes have been opened, you have awaken from the stupor of Mormonism, and you now see it for what it really is. The problem with "this problem" is that it awakens your mind to the stupidity of things like religious underwear, temple recommend interviews with your neighbor the dentist, unrighteousness dominion, Facebook pandering, ignorant opinions, and Prophet hero worship. Your awakening brings forward the crazy lunacy of Mormonism and leaves you feeling like your living in the twighlight zone. You are! We are! It's so easy to see now that your eyes have been opened! It will drive you bonkers! You will lose your mind if you continue to stay in this zone. It will eat your soul, crush your spirit, depress your appetites and motivation. It will hollow you out like an empty 10 lb. can of Bishop's storehouse peanut butter! Your friends and family will notice your new found depression and fatigue and squarely blame you for the loss of the spirit. They will feel bad for you, look at you with disdain, and whisper behind your back! They will see your new found awakening as a stranglehold around your soul by the Dark Demon of Destruction, the Man Behind All Evil, yeah, even the devil himself; SATAN! To them, there will be nothing you can do or say that will take away this new pathetic existence you find yourself in other than to repent, shut your mind off, and return to the fold.

Solution: The solution is very simple but extremely difficult to implement. You need to turn your mind off to Mormonism completely. Turn it off to thinking about Mormonism from ALL sides. Active believing Mormonism. Click it off! Nuanced Mormonism. Click it off! NOM discussions? Click... Exmo reddit. Click... Conference memes? Click. Mormon news articles about sexual predators and their basement interior design? CLICK IT OFF! Click it all off! If you don't, feeding the disaffected mormon mind creates an ADDICTION that's many times worse than wearing garments on a hot sticky humid sunny day in the south!

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

What should we do? We should train our brains to become indifferent to Mormonism. Treat it like the Amish or your catholic neighbors. Do you care what your catholic neighbors did this last weekend? Do we care what the Amish are doing these days? He'll NO!

Going through a faith transition is mentally exhausting and extremely difficult. The best thing we can do is to give it a time limit, define new boundaries, and move on with our new lives and new found freedom and time. Give yourself 30 days to set new mental boundaries. Every time something mormon related pops into your mind or a TBM comment drives you crazy, ask yourself "why should I even be thinking about Mormonism"? See what happens as you disengage from all things mormon related. You'll find you will make new space between your ears that you can fill with anything you want. That's the true beauty and freedom of a faith transition.

[Archimedes]

Repeat after me:

"It's only church, it's only church...."

[AllieOop]

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

This....1000 times this....

Such profound words, RR.

Like I stated earlier, it has been 8 years since I stopped attending (and had stopped believing a couple of years prior to that). But...what you describe above it so true. It doesn't help that two of my kids are still very TBM. I honestly believe I could leave Mormonism behind (almost...) if it were not for that.

None of this is easy. But, what I hold onto is that I am blissfully happy compared to all the many, many years when I believed. That's progress and I have to remind myself of that.

[Red Ryder]

Like I stated earlier, it has been 8 years since I stopped attending (and had stopped believing a couple of years prior to that). But...what you describe above it so true. It doesn't help that two of my kids are still very TBM. I honestly believe I could leave Mormonism behind (almost...) if it were not for that.

None of this is easy. But, what I hold onto is that I am blissfully happy compared to all the many, many years when I believed. That's progress and I have to remind myself of that.

I feel like the family ties are what binds most of us to Mormonism forever. It will always be this way too.

I'm guilt free. That's progress that reminds me how much better off I am on the fringe. Even if sometimes I don't feel happier and often times frustrated, I'm guilt free! (Yell that out loud in a Dave Ramsey I'm debt free screaming voice).

I'M GUILT FREE!!!!!!!!

[Corsair]

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

This....1000 times this....

I have to consider that keeping this forum online just might be contributing to the problem. Perhaps this is what our dear, departed Saint Thayne was concerned about during the NOM Dark Ages of September 2016. I'm not planning to shut it down, but proclaiming the path of Indifference and Disengagement is the best way for the health of many people.

[Wonderment]

Solution: The solution is very simple but extremely difficult to implement. You need to turn your mind off to Mormonism completely. Turn it off to thinking about Mormonism from ALL sides. Active believing Mormonism. Click it off! Nuanced Mormonism. Click it off! NOM discussions? Click... Exmo reddit. Click... Conference memes? Click. Mormon news articles about sexual predators and their basement interior design? CLICK IT OFF! Click it all off! If you don't, feeding the disaffected mormon mind creates an ADDICTION that's many times worse than wearing garments on a hot sticky humid sunny day in the south!

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

What should we do? We should train our brains to become indifferent to Mormonism. Treat it like the Amish or your catholic neighbors. Do you care what your catholic neighbors did this last weekend? Do we care what the Amish are doing these days? He'll NO!

Going through a faith transition is mentally exhausting and extremely difficult. The best thing we can do is to give it a time limit, define new boundaries, and move on with our new lives and new found freedom and time. Give yourself 30 days to set new mental boundaries. Every time something mormon related pops into your mind or a TBM comment drives you crazy, ask yourself "why should I even be thinking about Mormonism"? See what happens as you disengage from all things mormon related. You'll find you will make new space between your ears that you can fill with anything you want. That's the true beauty and freedom of a faith transition.

So very true. One of the most difficult things to learn ( at least for me) was to practice detachment. That does not mean that I stop caring about loved ones, but I am detached from becoming emotional when they start proselytizing or talking about church activities.
As others have said here, I feel your pain. I still think it is better to be in pain during a faith transition than to be a captive of church dogma and locked into everything that they teach. At least the pain means that you are moving through it all. JMO. -- Take care, from Wndr.

[AllieOop]

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

This....1000 times this....

I have to consider that keeping this forum online just might be contributing to the problem. Perhaps this is what our dear, departed Saint Thayne was concerned about during the NOM Dark Ages of September 2016. I'm not planning to shut it down, but proclaiming the path of Indifference and Disengagement is the best way for the health of many people.

Actually for me, this forum keeps me sane and gives me tremendous support. The time I spend here is a positive and helps to reinforce knowing that I've made the right choice.

Coming here helps remind me of the progress I've made and that there are many who are struggling, who are in need of support, and who are on the same path I'm on.

[RubinHighlander]

Here is a fun sing-along video to help calm and relax you:

https://weirdalma.bandcamp.com/track/yo ... h-this-cob

Aaaaaah Yeah! Fracking Gold!

[Corsair]

Actually for me, this forum keeps me sane and gives me tremendous support. The time I spend here is a positive and helps to reinforce knowing that I've made the right choice.

Coming here helps remind me of the progress I've made and that there are many who are struggling, who are in need of support, and who are on the same path I'm on.

Thanks, it's good to know that it's a positive force. I don't at all begrudge the time or effort of keeping this website online. It's nice to hear that it is helping other people since I get a similar boost.

[sparky]

This....1000 times this....

I have to consider that keeping this forum online just might be contributing to the problem. Perhaps this is what our dear, departed Saint Thayne was concerned about during the NOM Dark Ages of September 2016. I'm not planning to shut it down, but proclaiming the path of Indifference and Disengagement is the best way for the health of many people.

Actually for me, this forum keeps me sane and gives me tremendous support. The time I spend here is a positive and helps to reinforce knowing that I've made the right choice.

Coming here helps remind me of the progress I've made and that there are many who are struggling, who are in need of support, and who are on the same path I'm on.

I strongly second this. Most of the time I'm able to practice the detachment that RR describes pretty well and just be totally indifferent to anything churchy, even though I still attend weekly with DW. But there are occasions (mostly conference, weddings, and deaths) when Mormonism just shoves itself in your face, and the dosage is just too high to deal with without support. I have no one else in my life to turn to in these moments who will understand. I come here, blow off some steam and make fun of the church for a few days, and then I can ignore it all again until the next disruption. Maybe unhealthy, but it has worked for me for nearly three years now.

[Not Buying It]

I have to consider that keeping this forum online just might be contributing to the problem. Perhaps this is what our dear, departed Saint Thayne was concerned about during the NOM Dark Ages of September 2016. I'm not planning to shut it down, but proclaiming the path of Indifference and Disengagement is the best way for the health of many people.

Actually for me, this forum keeps me sane and gives me tremendous support. The time I spend here is a positive and helps to reinforce knowing that I've made the right choice.

Coming here helps remind me of the progress I've made and that there are many who are struggling, who are in need of support, and who are on the same path I'm on.

I strongly second this. Most of the time I'm able to practice the detachment that RR describes pretty well and just be totally indifferent to anything churchy, even though I still attend weekly with DW. But there are occasions (mostly conference, weddings, and deaths) when Mormonism just shoves itself in your face, and the dosage is just too high to deal with without support. I have no one else in my life to turn to in these moments who will understand. I come here, blow off some steam and make fun of the church for a few days, and then I can ignore it all again until the next disruption. Maybe unhealthy, but it has worked for me for nearly three years now.

Agreed. For some of us with believing family members, we need this place to keep our sanity.

[Raylan Givens]

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

This....1000 times this....

Such profound words, RR.

Like I stated earlier, it has been 8 years since I stopped attending (and had stopped believing a couple of years prior to that). But...what you describe above it so true. It doesn't help that two of my kids are still very TBM. I honestly believe I could leave Mormonism behind (almost...) if it were not for that.

None of this is easy. But, what I hold onto is that I am blissfully happy compared to all the many, many years when I believed. That's progress and I have to remind myself of that.

I agree ^^^

Remember, their reality is not yours.
Keep in mind, if their involvement was not a religion, but some big corporation they believed in, it wouldnt be as bad right?

Oh wait....it all is a big corporation that wants you to buy in, but so are many other religions, maybe just smaller corporations (little c). Just choose not to shop there and be glad that they are getting through product they want, even if it is ugly and doesn't go well with the pants they are wearing. At least they get to have 10 hours of motivational speaking each six months (that sh** expensive).

[moksha]

Perhaps this is what our dear, departed Saint Thayne was concerned about during the NOM Dark Ages of September 2016.

The answer to Saint Thayne's despair is not to withdraw from the online world, but rather to increase our daily intake of diet cola to stay hydrated, and perhaps find humor in our own anxiety.

[EternityIsNow]

Most people have some level of religious freedom today, and many choose to be in high commitment, emotionally manipulating religions. Or at least they choose not to consider other options. We have to allow them that choice.

How I get past this is to remember that humans co-evolved with religion, our brains soak up myth and metaphor, that is part of how we function in all areas of society, not just religion. So being in a religion, even a manipulative one that exploits members for money and free service (always benefiting the church, almost never helping the greater society), is a NORMAL state of affairs for humans on this planet.

The problem I see here, also in my own anger when it surfaces over these issues, is that we are imagining that the believing members should be like us, they should see what we can see, they would be so better off. But maybe that is not true, and maybe people get out when that is the best course of action for them.

Life is complicated, I think we rarely understand other people, most of us hardly understand our own lives. There is a time for all things, the church is failing the test of scientific validation, and the ability to study religions scientifically, and evaluate their histories based on all the evidence, is a recent development even in the modern world. We are early in the game. The time will come when more people get out of the church's unholy control. Or alternatively, perhaps the church will adapt eventually to accept the evidence that contradicts them, and maybe they will be CoC 2.0. But right now we are just seeing the 'early adopters' finding the exit ramp. Give it time. I am trying to be patient. And remember that most of the changes the church makes will go wrong in some way, because they have backwards understanding of how life works. This show is not over, not by a long shot.

[deacon blues]

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

This....1000 times this....

Such profound words, RR.

Like I stated earlier, it has been 8 years since I stopped attending (and had stopped believing a couple of years prior to that). But...what you describe above it so true. It doesn't help that two of my kids are still very TBM. I honestly believe I could leave Mormonism behind (almost...) if it were not for that.

None of this is easy. But, what I hold onto is that I am blissfully happy compared to all the many, many years when I believed. That's progress and I have to remind myself of that.

Leaving the church mentally may be enslaving, but for me personally it's a lot more fun. I'm reading and learning things that I never imagined. Even though the world still seems like a crazy place, I now see a pattern to the craziness that is consistent (it includes the church ) and somehow that just makes me feel better. If my wife and family were less understanding it might be hell, but at least from my perspective things are better with a broader world view.

[notforprophet]

Here's the problem and a recommended solution. Ready for this?

Problem: Your eyes have been opened, you have awaken from the stupor of Mormonism, and you now see it for what it really is. The problem with "this problem" is that it awakens your mind to the stupidity of things like religious underwear, temple recommend interviews with your neighbor the dentist, unrighteousness dominion, Facebook pandering, ignorant opinions, and Prophet hero worship. Your awakening brings forward the crazy lunacy of Mormonism and leaves you feeling like your living in the twighlight zone. You are! We are! It's so easy to see now that your eyes have been opened! It will drive you bonkers! You will lose your mind if you continue to stay in this zone. It will eat your soul, crush your spirit, depress your appetites and motivation. It will hollow you out like an empty 10 lb. can of Bishop's storehouse peanut butter! Your friends and family will notice your new found depression and fatigue and squarely blame you for the loss of the spirit. They will feel bad for you, look at you with disdain, and whisper behind your back! They will see your new found awakening as a stranglehold around your soul by the Dark Demon of Destruction, the Man Behind All Evil, yeah, even the devil himself; SATAN! To them, there will be nothing you can do or say that will take away this new pathetic existence you find yourself in other than to repent, shut your mind off, and return to the fold.

Solution: The solution is very simple but extremely difficult to implement. You need to turn your mind off to Mormonism completely. Turn it off to thinking about Mormonism from ALL sides. Active believing Mormonism. Click it off! Nuanced Mormonism. Click it off! NOM discussions? Click... Exmo reddit. Click... Conference memes? Click. Mormon news articles about sexual predators and their basement interior design? CLICK IT OFF! Click it all off! If you don't, feeding the disaffected mormon mind creates an ADDICTION that's many times worse than wearing garments on a hot sticky humid sunny day in the south!

Nobody ever warned us that leaving the church mentally can be just as enslaving as staying in. Nobody ever warned us that becoming disaffected will waste just as much time as being a TBM with a leadership calling. Nobody ever warned us that we suffer from PTSD like symptoms because we can't exit completely from Mormonism.

What should we do? We should train our brains to become indifferent to Mormonism. Treat it like the Amish or your catholic neighbors. Do you care what your catholic neighbors did this last weekend? Do we care what the Amish are doing these days? He'll NO!

Going through a faith transition is mentally exhausting and extremely difficult. The best thing we can do is to give it a time limit, define new boundaries, and move on with our new lives and new found freedom and time. Give yourself 30 days to set new mental boundaries. Every time something mormon related pops into your mind or a TBM comment drives you crazy, ask yourself "why should I even be thinking about Mormonism"? See what happens as you disengage from all things mormon related. You'll find you will make new space between your ears that you can fill with anything you want. That's the true beauty and freedom of a faith transition.

Red Ryder you are so right!
I actually did recognize that /r/exmormon was only making me upset and that it was having a negative impact on my life. But of course once the Joseph Bishop stuff came out I resubscribed so that I could read all about it.

And here I am, back feeling enraged.

It's hard for me to just *click* it off. It's hard for all of us. In fact, I no longer feel indifferently about the Catholic church. I feel annoyed at all religions more now than I did when I thought they were Satan's Churches (TM).

I agree that it's the best thing for me to do, and I'm going to try it. Thanks for the advice.