It's Going to Be OK

[GoodBoy]

It's taken me a while, but I'm finally to the point where I view the church as an insider with an outsider's point of view. It is just another one of thousands of un-true churches on this earth. It's OK. Attendants of all of these different religions, including the LDS church aren't inherently evil, they are regular people who just really WANT to believe in something bigger. These beliefs provide benefits to, and provide a cohesive community for these people. All of the many religions are meaningful and extremely important to those who believe. It's OK if the church exists, and it is going to continue to exist regardless of whether I want it to or not. The church, like all other religions on the earth, is just nothing. I don't have to fight it. I am not obligated to. I can accept the fact that it is my cultural heritage, even if it isn't the one true heritage of the millions out there. I can accept the fact that my friends and family will be TBMs for the rest of their lives. I don't have to get hot and bothered that they don't realize the truth or think about it the way I do. It really is OK.

I have taught my children, and they don't think men are better at, or more deserving of leadership than women. My kids know the church leaders make fairly major mistakes and are likely to again in the future. They are non-judgmental, loving, and accepting of LGBT and minorities. They don't think that they are the chosen few who are at the center of the universe. With these caveats, I'm OK with my children being members of the church if they want to be. I think it may be good for them to give them direction, self control, and community. I'm also totally OK if they decide to leave. I don't believe the church did me any harm, and it may have steered my life for the better.

I'm also OK with myself being in the church if I want to be. I'm also OK with not going, not doing my home teaching, and basically not doing anything that they ask me to do. I still home teach because I see it as an opportunity to love and serve my neighbors and doing that makes me happy. I don't preach anything. I don't feel as awkward attending church meetings anymore. I have attended the mosque with my students and was quiet and respectful of their beliefs while I was there. I can do the same thing while attending the LDS church.

Just like I'm not telling my students they are irrational for believing in Islam, I'm not telling my friends and family that they are wrong to believe in Mormonism. I don't think it is worth breaking all of my relationships against the inflexible and irrational beliefs that people cling to. I can empathize with their desires to hold those beliefs, and don't see it as my mission in life to take them away from them. If I want to, I believe I can have more influence from the inside as their friend anyway than as someone who is openly adversarial.

The church isn't true, and that's OK.

[Hagoth]

I think that's a very healthy and mature attitude, GoodBoy.

Your username always makes me want to reward you with a cookie when you say something praiseworthy of of good report.

[Snowdrop]

I agree. It occurred to me a while back that the purpose of religion is to comfort people. It gives an external reason to be moral. It explains death. It lends structure to life. The difficulty comes with reconciling a desire for absolute truth with finding a different sort of comfort for me. And without demeaning its meaning for those I love.

[MalcolmVillager]

You are in a good spot. That is mature and level headed. I am there with you often, but there are times that I struggle still.

I have learned that separate belief from belonging, and I belong to this tribe, despite my beliefs.

I have learned to find goodness despite of truthfulness, since good is easier to perceive and I am agnostic about the knowability of most doctrines or even historical events.

Good boy, GoodBoy!

[GoodBoy]

Your username always makes me want to reward you with a cookie when you say something praiseworthy of of good report.

I hate my username, but don't want to change it because it's my NOM identity. I would love a cookie though. I really respect and admire you by the way Hagoth.

The difficulty comes with reconciling a desire for absolute truth with finding a different sort of comfort for me. And without demeaning its meaning for those I love.

I very much identify with this statement. I'm finding more comfort nowadays in relationships. They are much more meaningful to me than they used to be.

I've noticed that the older and wiser people get, the less they shout and pound the table because they can't believe how stupid everybody else is. They have been around long enough to see all sides of issues, especially politics and religion, and realize that none of them are as truly one-sided as people believe. So they calm down and sit back and hope that people will eventually open their minds and not be so mean to each other.

I have learned to find goodness despite of truthfulness, since good is easier to perceive and I am agnostic about the knowability of most doctrines or even historical events.

I'm totally with you on this.

[LostGirl]

Thanks for your thoughts, I think I am getting to the same place.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Really enjoying this thread. Sometimes when I think I'm more mellow in the tribe, something jumps out that stirs up the anger again though.