Not good bye

[No Tof]

Inspired by Enmower's post, I thought I'd post an update. Not that it's anything too interesting but hopefully helpful to someone in a similar situation.

For nearly four years now I have been pretty sure the church is not true, not what it claims and not for me. After stepping back from the church for the past two years, but not resigning, and due to DW's continued devotion, I have decided it is easier to step back in to being a chappel mormon. I went to three hours of meetings yesterday for the first time in my new home ward. The last time I was there was at Christmas for the musical sacrament meeting. My experience there yesterday was actually quite nice. I sang the hymns, listened to some of the talks and looked around at the nice people who for the most part are still our social group. Sunday school and PH were as expected, boring as hell but anything which in the past would have triggered anger seemed to just go passed me like something in a foreign language which sounds familiar but just doesn't quite hit the understanding part of my brain.

I think the two years away were important to my peace today. My re-examening of what the church is to me and what a testimony is and even my understanding of the concept of god has become more clear. Seems like the feelings of anger at being deceived and the need to lash back at the church and it's leaders have for the most part disappeared. I still get it, don't get me wrong. There are lots of things that could still make me snarky, but it seems a waste of time.( I can always appreciate the humorous side of jabbing the bear when I see or hear it nonetheless. )

For all of you who are still hurting and feeling the anger which I believe most if not all of us feel as we transition and evolve towards a more mature spiritual place, I would encourage you to keep in the back of your mind that many do find peace, post mormonism. Many of these folks though, stop posting on these forums and we often only hear from those during the negative phase.

For now, I'll be that guy in church who is quietly sitting there, having had his morning cup of coffee, and perhaps a little hangover from last night's fun, trying to enjoy what it is that keeps me there. She is sitting close.

[Linked]

Thanks for this post. I hope to reach this point some day. And I think taking a break is going to be important for that, like you said.

[Mormorrisey]

Getting there. Another couple of years of apathy should do the trick, and I sure hope I get there. Definitely not as angry as I was!

[MalcolmVillager]

I am doing Kristy Money's Mormonism on my own terms worksheet (Google it) with my wife. I dreamed of this day but never believed it would happen. We both want to be involved for the kids and extended family. She really doesn't have desires to push too many boundaries (now or possibly ever). I am fine with her hating the temple and not wanting to go, being okay with family nature church days at times, and leaving out all the literal stuff.

We even taught the kids about how Adam and Eve is just a story and that evolution, etc.. is true for Sunday dinner.

We will likely be here (apathetic and active) for a while. It works for now.

[Meilingkie]

True, very recognizable.
Last 2 weeks i’ve been scutunizing my positio as well.

The new Church is like a hotel.
Really Nice, luxurious, great staff.
The Church® Is like home.
With a simple shower, no jacuzzi.
A simple Ikea-bed, not a plush one.
But it’s my home.
You don’t want to stay in a hotel forever.

So, for me mormonism like in the ildeb days is over. But love, acceptance and forgiveness go a long way in paving a path back to Church.
But it Will be on my terms

[SunbeltRed]

Great post!

I'm almost a year from the last time I attended church. DW hasn't been in about 6 months so I think the likelihood of her returning is low. This year break from church has really helped me clarify that I don't miss the church (I miss some of the people) and don't need it in my life. However, I completely understand the desire to attend with your spouse and I'm glad you have moved into a more stage 4/5 phase where you can appreciate the people trying their best, while at the same time feeling a bit like a stranger in a foreign land.

It is weird that so much of Mormonism feels so strange to me now, while not long ago it was the current I was swimming in, today I have moved on to different waters and the old place just doesn't feel the same. Here's to moving on and to enjoying some adult beverages. Cheers!

[slavereeno]

I appreciate this post as well. Not sure where we will end up. But this weekend I realized just how Mormon my family is. in my extended family, everybody is active TBM, a few who would describe themselves as "progressive" but otherwise, super duper Mormon...

I also realized its part of our family culture, even if we all left tomorrow it would be hard to change a lot of what we do, (blessings etc.)

[moksha]

But love, acceptance and forgiveness go a long way in paving a path back to Church. But it Will be on my terms.

For your religious experience to be authentic you need to tailor it to you.

[crossmyheart]

Thanks for your post.

I thought we were on the downhill slope to eternal inactivity. But at the beginning of this year my DH told me his resolution was to get back to church. Thus far we are attending about twice per month, which is ok, except I have been mentally out for 6 years and this last year of complete inactivity was complete bliss.

I still get anxiety triggers the night before but he is more important to me than a couple hours of church. (absolutely no RS attendance for me) I am way past the angry stage as well and see my time at church as more of a sociologist's study of behavior. I always feel like some social scientist entrenched into a cult society secretly observing their ways and always on the lookout for a fellow apostate.

I have a feeling we will be doing this dance until either A) both of our TBM parents are dead and/or B) our children are grown.

I will remain a semi-active member of the NOM ward for a long, long time.

[No Tof]

Getting there. Another couple of years of apathy should do the trick, and I sure hope I get there. Definitely not as angry as I was!

Angerness never was happiness.

Looking forward to a pan Canadian Nomference some day.

[No Tof]

But it Will be on my terms

Yup. Or just stay away. Sounds like your DW is on board or nearly there. All es goot.

[No Tof]

It is weird that so much of Mormonism feels so strange to me now, while not long ago it was the current I was swimming in, today I have moved on to different waters and the old place just doesn't feel the same. Here's to moving on and to enjoying some adult beverages. Cheers!

Nice to see you are moving in healthier waters too Sunbelt. Seems to be getting better as time moves on. I’m a bit jealous that your DW is with you.

Cheers indeed.

[No Tof]

I also realized its part of our family culture, even if we all left tomorrow it would be hard to change a lot of what we do, (blessings etc.)

Yup. You can stop with the craziness, take of the g’s but it’s pretty hard to completely wash off the Mormonism.

It’s a part of who we are. The trick is to temper that with better thinking, slothening the work while still in, maintain healthy boundaries and learn not to give a duck .

[moksha]

Looking forward to a pan Canadian Nomference some day.

When do the Canadians come out of their winter hibernation cycle?

[No Tof]

When do the Canadians come out of their winter hibernation cycle?

Coming from a species that fully embraces the idea of winter, I take this question seriously and after much consideration, have come to the idea that most of us Canadians don’t actually have the luxury of hibernation like our bear friends but are more like the squirrels.
We have to stay somewhat active during the ten months or so of winter while wishing we could sleep or huddle close to a crackling fire.
Other fortunate Canadians migrate to warmer climes to escape that which you penguins adore.

For the moment personally I have adopted the practice of holding a warm (not hot) cup of joe and watching the snow fall.

[Not Buying It]

I agree that anger is not healthy, and I don’t feel as much of it as I used to. But I feel I need to keep some of it - I need something that reminds me that the smiling, friendly faces I see every Sunday mask something toxic and harmful so I don’t get sucked in again. I need something that helps me resist the brainwashing, the indoctrination, the appeals to emotion masquerading as the Spirit. I need the anger to remind me that it matters that Joseph Smith was a sexual predator, and that the Book of Mormon is full of anachronisms, that the Book of Abraham proves that Joseph Smith couldn’t translate ancient languages, that the Brethren claim special powers and communications with God but can’t deliver on that claim, that the presumptive authority of the local leaders rests on nothing and I need pay them no heed, that it is still an organization that treats women as second class members and that isn't right, that in spite of what everyone there says I’ve got to do everything I can to get my kids away from that dysfunctional, toxic, Stepford Wives environment that will skewer them with a friendly smile.

Without at least a little big of the anger, all the smiles and warm fuzzies can make you forget to see it for what it is. The pull of having a tribe and a sense of belonging, coupled with the fact that most members are genuinely nice people, is seductive, and can make you forget what is really going on. I’m going to keep just enough of the anger to keep me awake to that.

[Kishkumen]

We have to stay somewhat active during the ten months or so of winter while wishing we could sleep or huddle close to a crackling fire.
Other fortunate Canadians migrate to warmer climes to escape that which you penguins adore.

For the moment personally I have adopted the practice of holding a warm (not hot) cup of joe and watching the snow fall.

THere are more Alberta and British Columbia license plates around here currently than I remember is years past. 2 more months and they'll start the trek North again.

[No Tof]

[quote="No Tof"

Other fortunate Canadians migrate to warmer climes to escape that which you penguins adore.



THere are more Alberta and British Columbia license plates around here currently than I remember is years past. 2 more months and they'll start the trek North again.

That doesn’t include the ones that flew in.

[Kishkumen]

[quote="No Tof"

Other fortunate Canadians migrate to warmer climes to escape that which you penguins adore.



THere are more Alberta and British Columbia license plates around here currently than I remember is years past. 2 more months and they'll start the trek North again.

That doesn’t include the ones that flew in.

I konw. Traffic here is horrible right now. All the extra drivers are the geriatric demographic that is accustomed to driving on ice. Dang Cannuck grandparents driving 55 in the fast lane is the bane of my existence.

[No Tof]

Haha. We all have some bane in our life.

Be assured they are all thinking “sorry eh”