DW hasn't been paying tithing

[Deepthinker]

I've been still paying on surplus on the income I bring in for a few years now. DW didn't like it at first, said I wasn't worthy of the temple, etc. but she seems to accept it now.

She has been paying 10% of net on her income, although she hasn't paid any tithing for 9 months. I was just doing our taxes this week and found this out. Is this a good sign?

[sparky]

Could be, but my DW doesn't really think about tithing till the end of the year, then it's suddenly "oh yeah we need to fork over this exorbitant amount of money." Thank you, tithing shakedown...er, "settlement."

I tried to convince her to do surplus last year, but the best I could get was net. Maybe this year...

[græy]

Proceed with caution if/when you talk to her about it. Did she declare a full tithing at settlement? Did she even go? That could be an important insight into what she is actually thinking.

Tithing is a sticky subject for my wife. When we first got married she was very clear about how total perfection is beyond our reach in mortal life, but we can be perfect in some things. Tithing was one of the things she had chosen to be perfect in. 10% Gross. Every Month. No exceptions.

[Deepthinker]

Could be, but my DW doesn't really think about tithing till the end of the year, then it's suddenly "oh yeah we need to fork over this exorbitant amount of money." Thank you, tithing shakedown...er, "settlement."

I tried to convince her to do surplus last year, but the best I could get was net. Maybe this year...

I hope your wife comes around. Tithing has always been a touchy subject with my wife too. I made the mistake of not telling her when I first went to paying on surplus. It was hard to pay anything during the angry phase of my transition. Made it through that.

With her paying on net, as a household I still see us as paying on surplus, since here income is really extra income for us.

[Deepthinker]

Proceed with caution if/when you talk to her about it. Did she declare a full tithing at settlement? Did she even go? That could be an important insight into what she is actually thinking.

Tithing is a sticky subject for my wife. When we first got married she was very clear about how total perfection is beyond our reach in mortal life, but we can be perfect in some things. Tithing was one of the things she had chosen to be perfect in. 10% Gross. Every Month. No exceptions.

Thanks for the advice. No, she did not meet or talk with the bishop for tithing settlement. Bishop texted me and asked if we were all full tithe payers, so I declared yes for our household. I love those types of tithing settlements, done in a quick text. This was before I knew about DW not paying any tithing for months.

My hope is that she is realizing we aren't being punished for not paying what we used to consider a "full tithe".

[redjay]

Hello.

Hello!

There is an introductions area in the board index, if you'd like to say hello in a bit more detail. Anyway welcome.

[redjay]

Proceed with caution if/when you talk to her about it. Did she declare a full tithing at settlement? Did she even go? That could be an important insight into what she is actually thinking.

Tithing is a sticky subject for my wife. When we first got married she was very clear about how total perfection is beyond our reach in mortal life, but we can be perfect in some things. Tithing was one of the things she had chosen to be perfect in. 10% Gross. Every Month. No exceptions.

Thanks for the advice. No, she did not meet or talk with the bishop for tithing settlement. Bishop texted me and asked if we were all full tithe payers, so I declared yes for our household. I love those types of tithing settlements, done in a quick text. This was before I knew about DW not paying any tithing for months.

My hope is that she is realizing we aren't being punished for not paying what we used to consider a "full tithe".

DT sounds like we are on a similar path. Hope you are well.

RJ

[NOMinally Mormon]

I've been still paying on surplus on the income I bring in for a few years now. DW didn't like it at first, said I wasn't worthy of the temple, etc. but she seems to accept it now.

She has been paying 10% of net on her income, although she hasn't paid any tithing for 9 months. I was just doing our taxes this week and found this out. Is this a good sign?

I'd say this is a good sign. I quit actually paying tithing long before intentionally quitting. Just had a busy months with extra expenses than usual, planned to make up for it next month. Another month went by and I again procrastinated, life kept being busy and there was always stuff to spend money on. I figured I'd get straight with the Lord some time and get a fresh start. It never happened, even for several years as an active member.

Every month that goes by without her paying tithing lowers the chance of her getting back to it.

[Deepthinker]

Proceed with caution if/when you talk to her about it. Did she declare a full tithing at settlement? Did she even go? That could be an important insight into what she is actually thinking.

Tithing is a sticky subject for my wife. When we first got married she was very clear about how total perfection is beyond our reach in mortal life, but we can be perfect in some things. Tithing was one of the things she had chosen to be perfect in. 10% Gross. Every Month. No exceptions.

Thanks for the advice. No, she did not meet or talk with the bishop for tithing settlement. Bishop texted me and asked if we were all full tithe payers, so I declared yes for our household. I love those types of tithing settlements, done in a quick text. This was before I knew about DW not paying any tithing for months.

My hope is that she is realizing we aren't being punished for not paying what we used to consider a "full tithe".

DT sounds like we are on a similar path. Hope you are well.

RJ

Thanks RJ. I know there have been many others paving that same path as well. It should be a lot smoother now, but doesn't seem to be.

Just a quick update, that I think is good news. When DW gave me her tithing statement from her LDS acccount, she did say that she knows she hasn't paid "all" of her tithing. So, she asked me to calculate it for her. I did and she is still making no effort to pay it! I'm hoping this continues.

[Deepthinker]

I've been still paying on surplus on the income I bring in for a few years now. DW didn't like it at first, said I wasn't worthy of the temple, etc. but she seems to accept it now.

She has been paying 10% of net on her income, although she hasn't paid any tithing for 9 months. I was just doing our taxes this week and found this out. Is this a good sign?

I'd say this is a good sign. I quit actually paying tithing long before intentionally quitting. Just had a busy months with extra expenses than usual, planned to make up for it next month. Another month went by and I again procrastinated, life kept being busy and there was always stuff to spend money on. I figured I'd get straight with the Lord some time and get a fresh start. It never happened, even for several years as an active member.

Every month that goes by without her paying tithing lowers the chance of her getting back to it.

Thanks, I'm definitely seeing it as a good sign now the longer she goes without paying. Perhaps we are close to being nearly tithing free.