Saving the One (if its a man)

[alas]

I thought of another way that this backwards assumption hurts people. You know why the husbands of inactive wives don't stick around? Because this assumption right here tells them that they are failures because their wife is not dutifully following his wonderful example of belief. So, the other men who are arrogant enough to believe that the wife will always follow her husband's example if he is righteous look down on him. I have lately been looking at how my being inactive hurts him. He has only had piddly little callings ever since I went inactive. He has just plain lost social standing because he isn't a good enough priesthood holder to make his wife be active. Women with nonmember/inactive husbands are not punished the way men with nonmember/inactive wives are.

Now I am angry. I could have had a much better day if I had just missed that connection between the assumption that a man will lead his wife back to church and how he is looked down on if he fails in that.

The church's sexism hurts the men too. I don't like people who hurt my sweetheart. #}<%^^<}{, I hate this church.

[slavereeno]

He has only had piddly little callings ever since I went inactive. He has just plain lost social standing because he isn't a good enough priesthood holder to make his wife be active.

My SP makes a point of this every chance he gets. Along the lines of "I can't call so-and-so to that calling because of his wife." He was generally looking for inside the box behaviors, attitudes and appearance.

[Meilingkie]

Have seen too many instances where a woman was disciplined for a sin, while a man walked free.
OK, confession time.....

More than 10 years ago I had an affair.
Yes, there I said it.

I HAD AN AFFAIR. I was also a hypocrite, like the ones I railed against.

So DW called the bishop.
Bishop called the SP.

SP visited, he talked to my wife, then talked to me.
I confessed, he called DW back in and said to her:
You will forgive him, for we need the precious few priesthoodholders we have.
I need your husband.
You will forgive him, and forget it ever happened.
Br. Meilingkie, you will forget about this woman, and continue your work.

Needless t say it fook quite some time to get back on the same page marriagewise.
But this specific episode broke DW's shelf where leadership is concerned.
Her elder sister was exed for living in with her BF.
Her elder brother was exed for getting his GF pregnant and marrying her 2 months later in delicate condition.

I, I got nothing because I was a buddy of the then SP.

[slavereeno]

I, I got nothing because I was a buddy of the then SP.

Thanks for sharing this, not an easy thing to do.

[wtfluff]

Maybe... LDS-Inc. has actual statistics that more men are leaving than women, and thus the are actually trying to do something logical and go after the demographic which they are losing?

Yeah, I'm probably wrong to think that the church would actually do something logical...

[crossmyheart]

I thought of another way that this backwards assumption hurts people. You know why the husbands of inactive wives don't stick around? Because this assumption right here tells them that they are failures because their wife is not dutifully following his wonderful example of belief. So, the other men who are arrogant enough to believe that the wife will always follow her husband's example if he is righteous look down on him. I have lately been looking at how my being inactive hurts him. He has only had piddly little callings ever since I went inactive. He has just plain lost social standing because he isn't a good enough priesthood holder to make his wife be active. Women with nonmember/inactive husbands are not punished the way men with nonmember/inactive wives are.

Now I am angry. I could have had a much better day if I had just missed that connection between the assumption that a man will lead his wife back to church and how he is looked down on if he fails in that.

The church's sexism hurts the men too. I don't like people who hurt my sweetheart. #}<%^^<}{, I hate this church.

You just summed up my experience with our ward. Because I am the wild-haired apostate my husband has never held a calling in the ward. It really does break my heart because it still means something to him. He still wants to be somebody in the church. But because of me he will never hold a calling of any significance. It really does hurt my heart for him.

[Meilingkie]

Move over here!!

I know 2 BP's where the DW is only nominally active or supportive
Same with the SP we have now, his DW is called "the angry dragon" for a reason....
Only attends because she has to, and in dresses/skirts/blouses which leave nothing to the imagination.
Here a link to the Instagram-account of the wife of the SP-counselor of The Hague Stake. (neighboring stake)

https://www.instagram.com/kimkiona/?hl=nl

He suffers little ill effect it seems

[slavereeno]

He suffers little ill effect it seems

I am sure this has to do with the number of available PH in a given area. We have a bit of a glut of it in my area.

[A New Name]

Move over here!!

I know 2 BP's where the DW is only nominally active or supportive
Same with the SP we have now, his DW is called "the angry dragon" for a reason....
Only attends because she has to, and in dresses/skirts/blouses which leave nothing to the imagination.
Here a link to the Instagram-account of the wife of the SP-counselor of The Hague Stake. (neighboring stake)

https://www.instagram.com/kimkiona/?hl=nl

He suffers little ill effect it seems

I wish my SP's wife looked like that!

[Reuben]

Move over here!!

I know 2 BP's where the DW is only nominally active or supportive
Same with the SP we have now, his DW is called "the angry dragon" for a reason....
Only attends because she has to, and in dresses/skirts/blouses which leave nothing to the imagination.
Here a link to the Instagram-account of the wife of the SP-counselor of The Hague Stake. (neighboring stake)

https://www.instagram.com/kimkiona/?hl=nl

He suffers little ill effect it seems

I wish my SP's wife looked like that!

The SP must have worked really hard on his mission, amirite?

[Thoughtful]

Move over here!!

I know 2 BP's where the DW is only nominally active or supportive
Same with the SP we have now, his DW is called "the angry dragon" for a reason....
Only attends because she has to, and in dresses/skirts/blouses which leave nothing to the imagination.
Here a link to the Instagram-account of the wife of the SP-counselor of The Hague Stake. (neighboring stake)

https://www.instagram.com/kimkiona/?hl=nl

He suffers little ill effect it seems

Good for them if they look beautiful or have shapely bodies?

I can't imagine how degrading it would be if people shared my fitness Instagram to make a point about my husband's spirituality or freedom to advance without me being corralled.

[Meilingkie]

Good for them if they look beautiful or have shapely bodies?

I can't imagine how degrading it would be if people shared my fitness Instagram to make a point about my husband's spirituality or freedom to advance without me being corralled.

Many people here talk about it behind her back because it's "unbecoming".
Her husband has a low-paying job.
She is a singer and dancer, does all manner of stuff worldwide and is very well paid.
It pays the bills, and tithes.

She's a sweetie in person. Really, really kind.
Her husband is a good acquaintance of mine, her FIL our hometeacher.

[Thoughtful]

Good for them if they look beautiful or have shapely bodies?

I can't imagine how degrading it would be if people shared my fitness Instagram to make a point about my husband's spirituality or freedom to advance without me being corralled.

Many people here talk about it behind her back because it's "unbecoming".
Her husband has a low-paying job.
She is a singer and dancer, does all manner of stuff worldwide and is very well paid.
It pays the bills, and tithes.

She's a sweetie in person. Really, really kind.
Her husband is a good acquaintance of mine, her FIL our hometeacher.

People gossip about her in person and online, and she's a sweetie. Frankly I don't see her as the "unbecoming" party.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

This conversation has turned into a fascinating duel of Dutch directness vs feminist sensitivities. I'm getting my popcorn out.

[alas]

This conversation has turned into a fascinating duel of Dutch directness vs feminist sensitivities. I'm getting my popcorn out.

I've been to the Netherlands, we stayed at a home of this sweet woman who spoke broken English and had three empty bedrooms upstairs, so she ran a bed and breakfast for the touring American Servicemen. My husband is fluent in German (passes an Austrian) so they talked in German and left most of the Americans out of the conversation. So, having been exposed to Dutch directness, and being a feminist, I side with Meilingkie. She her occupation is well advertised by those pictures and the only standard by which they are "unbecoming" is by Mormon gossip standards. Watch the old Dancing with the stars with Marie Osmond. She was hardly dressed to Mormon garment standards. But everyone here (or the old NOM) was griping about the gossip mill about her dancing without garments. Mormon gossip mills are the same all over the world. By Feminist Mormon standards, she is dressed appropriately for the activity, which is the favorite definition for *Modesty* over at Feminist Mormon Housewives. Go over, get into their archives and look up the many many articles about how sick and twisted the Mormon definition of modesty is. For Mormons it has become about covering the porn shoulders on infants. Five year olds are taught how they are walking porn in a tank top.

So, nope, I think you are going to find that us feminists agree with Meilingkie, that she is a sweet woman, but is being attacked by the Mormon gossip mill. Meilingkie didn't say HE thought she was dressed unbecommingly, but that was the gossip behind her back. So, yeah, I expect the Mormon gossip mill to be the same all over the world. Good to know that Mormon judgementalism trumps common sense all over the world.

So, yeah, I hate what the gossip mill is saying about this woman. And I just understood our Dutch friend to be reporting the gossip rather than his own opinion. What he said about her was that she was a sweetie in person and very kind.

Now some of the men up thread said some sexist jokes about wishing their stake president's wife looked like that and how SP must have been worked supper hard on his mission. So, I could argue with them if they were not joking.


Edited to add, I really would like to move there. Very beautiful country. Nice sensible practice people. Maybe if tRump gets another four years in 2020. We are planning a trip to Europe for our 50 wedding anniversary, so maybe we will apply for residence then.

[Reuben]

Now some of the men up thread said some sexist jokes about wishing their stake president's wife looked like that and how SP must have been worked supper hard on his mission. So, I could argue with them if they were not joking.

Joking by repeating some of the sexualizing crap I heard as a teenager in church. Sorry I wasn't clear.

[Anon70]

Have seen too many instances where a woman was disciplined for a sin, while a man walked free.
OK, confession time.....

More than 10 years ago I had an affair.
Yes, there I said it.

I HAD AN AFFAIR. I was also a hypocrite, like the ones I railed against.

So DW called the bishop.
Bishop called the SP.

SP visited, he talked to my wife, then talked to me.
I confessed, he called DW back in and said to her:
You will forgive him, for we need the precious few priesthoodholders we have.
I need your husband.
You will forgive him, and forget it ever happened.
Br. Meilingkie, you will forget about this woman, and continue your work.

Needless t say it fook quite some time to get back on the same page marriagewise.
But this specific episode broke DW's shelf where leadership is concerned.
Her elder sister was exed for living in with her BF.
Her elder brother was exed for getting his GF pregnant and marrying her 2 months later in delicate condition.

I, I got nothing because I was a buddy of the then SP.

Leadership roulette? I’m glad your marriage survived.

[Thoughtful]

This conversation has turned into a fascinating duel of Dutch directness vs feminist sensitivities. I'm getting my popcorn out.

I've been to the Netherlands, we stayed at a home of this sweet woman who spoke broken English and had three empty bedrooms upstairs, so she ran a bed and breakfast for the touring American Servicemen. My husband is fluent in German (passes an Austrian) so they talked in German and left most of the Americans out of the conversation. So, having been exposed to Dutch directness, and being a feminist, I side with Meilingkie. She her occupation is well advertised by those pictures and the only standard by which they are "unbecoming" is by Mormon gossip standards. Watch the old Dancing with the stars with Marie Osmond. She was hardly dressed to Mormon garment standards. But everyone here (or the old NOM) was griping about the gossip mill about her dancing without garments. Mormon gossip mills are the same all over the world. By Feminist Mormon standards, she is dressed appropriately for the activity, which is the favorite definition for *Modesty* over at Feminist Mormon Housewives. Go over, get into their archives and look up the many many articles about how sick and twisted the Mormon definition of modesty is. For Mormons it has become about covering the porn shoulders on infants. Five year olds are taught how they are walking porn in a tank top.

So, nope, I think you are going to find that us feminists agree with Meilingkie, that she is a sweet woman, but is being attacked by the Mormon gossip mill. Meilingkie didn't say HE thought she was dressed unbecommingly, but that was the gossip behind her back. So, yeah, I expect the Mormon gossip mill to be the same all over the world. Good to know that Mormon judgementalism trumps common sense all over the world.

So, yeah, I hate what the gossip mill is saying about this woman. And I just understood our Dutch friend to be reporting the gossip rather than his own opinion. What he said about her was that she was a sweetie in person and very kind.

Now some of the men up thread said some sexist jokes about wishing their stake president's wife looked like that and how SP must have been worked supper hard on his mission. So, I could argue with them if they were not joking.


Edited to add, I really would like to move there. Very beautiful country. Nice sensible practice people. Maybe if tRump gets another four years in 2020. We are planning a trip to Europe for our 50 wedding anniversary, so maybe we will apply for residence then.

I forgot about this thread, but I agree with all this and phone typing didn't allow me to express it so well.