The IDGAF stage

[SunbeltRed]

Dear NOM friends - it has been a while since I have commented here or engaged much. When the old site went the way of JS in Carthage jail (too soon?) I can't access this site any longer at work, and so my activity has dropped off.

At the same time I have become a completely inactive Mormon (haven't been to church since Feb. of this year). All of my loved ones and most of my friends are aware of my current engagement with the Mormon church (0%) and my need to hash things out emotionally has decreased significantly. I turned 40 this year and had a big party, invited lots of people many of them TBM friends. I drank beer (not a lot but some), didn't hide it, and I think it was very cathartic to merge my two worlds that had been separate for a long time.

I have gone from being afraid of what people might think or what people might see my purchasing at the store to not caring one bit, you know sort of like normal people.

I think its getting harder to remember the stages of pain and grief and disillusionment, but here's my advice anyway - if you can leave Mormonism behind do it. It's good for the soul. I recognize that not everyone is able to - people are worried about marriages, family, work. But I would say, the sooner you can get to IDGAF stage, the better your mental health will be.

Anyway, carry on my friends, and I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday season.

-Pete

[Corsair]

Your solution is the correct one for the long term. So many of us would like to leave the church alone, but it refuses to leave us alone. This is usually manifest through family, friends, and spouses who express regular shame upon us for not following their preferred set of rules. But we are always happy to have people check in after they have happily made a big change in their life.

[Mad Jax]

It is a blessed stage.

[Reuben]

It's Fowler stage 7.

[SunbeltRed]

Your solution is the correct one for the long term. So many of us would like to leave the church alone, but it refuses to leave us alone. This is usually manifest through family, friends, and spouses who express regular shame upon us for not following their preferred set of rules. But we are always happy to have people check in after they have happily made a big change in their life.

Thanks Corsair - I also didn’t mean to suggest that those that are stuck just need to get away. I certainly recognize people’s situations are complex. I hung around too long because I was afraid of hurting my parents; in retrospect I wish I would have told them sooner, but it is what it is. I hope one day those who wish they could distance themselves from Mormonism can do so, in the meantime keep doing what you need to get to IDGAF even if it’s as an active TR holding member.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Thanks for checking in and congratulations on your new found healthy mental state!

[StarbucksMom]

Sunbelt, that is awesome. Are your wife/kids active?

[SeeNoEvil]

I think its getting harder to remember the stages of pain and grief and disillusionment, but here's my advice anyway - if you can leave Mormonism behind do it. It's good for the soul. I recognize that not everyone is able to - people are worried about marriages, family, work. But I would say, the sooner you can get to IDGAF stage, the better your mental health will be.

Congratulations! This is great news! Nice to hear from you and for the exciting update. I can totally relate. The pain, the grief, the disillusionment I will never forget but I am no longer living in it. It's been 6 years almost to the day since my shelf fell Mormonism is finally behind me. Leaving is definitely good for the soul. I had to laugh.... couldn't figure out what in the heck IDGAF meant! Now I know. Best acronym ever! I'm happy to report I'm finally at the IDGAF stage!

[SunbeltRed]

Sunbelt, that is awesome. Are your wife/kids active?

They are not right now. My wife was still attending for a while, and though wasn't really a literalist, had some experiences that have disillusioned her about the "good" in Mormonism. She hasn't really attended since June or so. I'm not sure if she will go back or is taking a hiatus, I'm fine with whatever she chooses.

My kids are still young (9 and younger) so they haven't been much over the last year and haven't been since May/June.