what would you ask a lesbian?

[Misbehaved Woman]

I am meeting tonight with a wonderful never mo married lesbian couple to talk about their life, my transition, LGBTQ issues and religion. As I was thinking about what we were going to talk about I thought people on NOM might have some good questions to ask. So I am opening it up to you all. An example topic I will be asking is their thoughts on some religions seeing their lifestyle as sinning and their thoughts on people using the phrase "hate the sin love the sinner". I am excited for some good raw open conversation.

[DPRoberts]

Your example topic is loaded and sure to lead to some lively discussion so long as they feel comfortable discussing that with you.

I would start with just asking for their couple story. When you meet a married couple it is interesting to know how they met and how the relationship developed to the point where they wanted to make the long term commitment. How long did they date? Questions like that. I think a big thing for us recovering homophobes is to view these people as being more like ourselves than we previously would have imagined. Establishing commonality up front will be helpful as the discussion progresses to deeper topics.

[Jeffret]

It's really not much different than what you would ask anyone else. But, if like me you aren't a lesbian, it can be a fascinating opportunity to learn from someone with quite different life stories. I like to just listen to people share what life is like from their perspective and share and compare with mine.

[2bizE]

I might ask how they transitioned to being a lesbian? Did they feel like they were born that way, or did it become more known when they reached puberty, etc?

[MalcolmVillager]

I would ask them to tell their stories from their perspective. I would ask what they would want me and the rest of the straight world to know about LGBTQIA. I would ask what we could do or say differently to more fully and equally I close them in society, church, work, family, and friends.

I would probably even ask some inappropriate questions about how to make my wife more happy

[Jeffret]

I might ask how they transitioned to being a lesbian? Did they feel like they were born that way, or did it become more known when they reached puberty, etc?

"Transitioned" isn't really a useful word here. It can be useful when talking with transgender people, if that's the way they refer to it.

[Misbehaved Woman]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. Yes, of course I didn't start off with what are your thoughts about the phrase "love the sin hate the sinner". It was a great conversation. I too love to just hear peoples stories from their perspective so that is what I did I listened to their story and there wasn't near enough time for one night. It was beautiful to hear their stories and we will be continuing our conversations.

Jeffret, I agree using the term "transitioned" probably isn't a useful term her because it might not have been a "transition"

MalcolmVillager, Asking them how we as a society can better include them was on my list but we didn't get to that tonight because we ran out of time.

Thank you for those that gave me additional things to think about. This group is great!

[MalcolmVillager]

So cool. Conversations turn to understanding turns to love turns to inclusiveness!

[RubinHighlander]

I had a chance to chat with one of my gay neighbors a couple doors down. The fire that blew through our neighborhood has opened up opportunities to get closer with folks you normally just wave at or have a bit of small talk with. It was great to hear about his life as we opened up to each other, how he went on a mission, then came home and could not face the expected marriage and family challenge because he was gay. He had a talk with his bishop and sincerely told him of his love for another man. That was the end of church; after a court he was Xd. He remembers feeling liberated, no longer having to live in the closet. He met his current partner 14 years ago. I asked him if they ever planned to marry, not that it mattered, but just for the fact that they now live in Utah and it's legal. He said they had talked about it many times, that they would have if they had adopted kids, but now that's out of the pictures, so there's no need for the ceremony because their love is all that matters.

What a great story he had and I could sense the love he had for his partner as he talked about their lives. I walked away feeling like these people were just people that had found love, had a great relationship and were very loving and compassionate. He was helping his sister with their troubled son, by letting that kid live with them. He also has his mom living there with them, helping her out. This are great guys, they keep their yard nice, they are an example to their community. Gay or not they are just good people. This was not an epiphany for me, I have a daughter who is gay and many others I've worked with or been friends with. So for me, there's really not any specific questions for this lesbian couple, but I am interested to hear of their challenges and experiences relating to their social situations and how they have overcome them.