No longer mormons

[Korihor]

I guess we're done

[Anon70]

What!? Details, please!

[Korihor]

We met with the SP again today as a follow up to our meeting in May. It was about 2 hours. A lot of words were spoken but nothing was said.

The end result is Mrs Misbehaved turned in her TR and mine was taken under protest.

Basically, there is nothing left for her in the church and for her there's no point in arguing to keep it. Just one less fight in her life.

I wanted to keep mine as a matter of principle. My hill to die on is Sustaining the Q15 as Prophets Seers and Revelators. Since we voted opposed in March, that started our meetings with the SP. My point is that I sustain them as leaders, but I disagree with some of their decisions. The only way to voice my disagreements is voting opposed. I'm happy to keep them in their position, but I'm going to vote my conscience that some decisions are wrong. If they separate out sustaining people VS sustaining decisions - I'm happy to sustain the individuals and oppose respective proposals. Ultimately, that didn't work and the SP is taking it until I vote to sustain. Actually, I'm not returning it. He'll have to just cancel it on his records.

We got home and talk. Basically, we don't consider ourselves LDS anymore. While our heritage and upbringing is Mormon, we don't identify with it and don't want to be a part of it. They stripped us (one way or another) of our membership cards and there doesn't seem to be a place for us to voice our perspective and remain members in good standing.

So, there is no disciplinary council, no letters of resignation, nothing like that. We just don't consider ourselves mormon anymore. Maybe we can move on...

[Anon70]

Wow.

I hope this is the beginning of a lot of happiness for you both.

[Stig]

This may be the best thing that ever happens to the two of you. I realize it feels like the SP committed an act of violence, but it may really be for the best because it allows you to let go and move on.

[Red Ryder]

This may be the best thing that ever happens to the two of you. I realize it feels like the SP committed an act of violence, but it may really be for the best because it allows you to let go and move on.

Is it really an act of violence when he walked in with a really big stick to stir the pot?

Let's be honest here, you weren't exactly trying to keep your TR, were you?

[Korihor]

In all sincerity, I did want to keep it. But I knew it was extremely unlikely.

I wanted to keep it as a matter of principle. To not let them dictate my relationship with the divine.

I knew going into it where it would end, though.

[No Tof]

I say good for you.

Join the Not Of club. Visitors and everyone welcome. No fees or cards required.

[NOMelgänger]

I'm sorry. It had to have been hard; like sitting in front of the Pharisees, a bunch of ignorant nobodies holding you in judgment for daring to think for yourself.

[moksha]

You've done it now Korihor. Mormons around you will be forced to enact the Ritual of Discommendation by crossing their arms and turning their backs to you. When they turn around they will begin to poke you and the missus with pain sticks and shout "K'parley".

Just bear it stoically and eventually, they will stop.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Sorry bro, Ive been dealing with some leader spiritual abuse recently as well. They just keep confirming their critics right.

[Corsair]

I understand your sentiment, but are you still going to get home teachers? One of these days you will get a new bishop either through normal turnover, or when you buy a new house. Continued contact is still likely. I would be quite surprised that this formally gave up your actual membership. I am pretty certain that your children are still on the role in one way or another and some diligent Primary leader will send them cookies and an invitation to Primary one of these days. Are you going to formally resign?

[Stig]

This may be the best thing that ever happens to the two of you. I realize it feels like the SP committed an act of violence, but it may really be for the best because it allows you to let go and move on.

Is it really an act of violence when he walked in with a really big stick to stir the pot?

Let's be honest here, you weren't exactly trying to keep your TR, were you?

I get the humor here, but it still has to be a bit jarring to have a SP reach out and take the tangible symbol of "worthiness" that we've all had drilled into our minds for decades. I may not believe in any of it anymore, but it would still piss me off to have someone do that to me; as if they had any ability to pass judgment on me.

[Red Ryder]

This may be the best thing that ever happens to the two of you. I realize it feels like the SP committed an act of violence, but it may really be for the best because it allows you to let go and move on.

Is it really an act of violence when he walked in with a really big stick to stir the pot?

Let's be honest here, you weren't exactly trying to keep your TR, were you?

I get the humor here, but it still has to be a bit jarring to have a SP reach out and take the tangible symbol of "worthiness" that we've all had drilled into our minds for decades. I may not believe in any of it anymore, but it would still piss me off to have someone do that to me; as if they had any ability to pass judgment on me.

Point taken.

[Silver Girl]

It would hurt to be told you don't really have the right to vote no, or to exercise your own free agency. The message is clear, of course, but the initial impact is a slap in the face.

Sorry you all went through that. The journey through the Rabbit Hole is twisted and can be ugly, but it's also the only one paved with truth.

[Korihor]

I appreciate all the kind words. We're really fine. It was more of a mental shift than any physical or formal change. Our names are still on the books and we don't have plans to resign. We just don't consider ourselves LDS anymore.

It feels strange to write that.

I don't harbor ill will to the SP. He was doing his job, I get it. He said a few things that were bothersome and one thing in particular that infuriated Mrs Misbehaved, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't make an influence.

I agree with Stig, the hardest part is having something taken away that was so valuable for so long. Even if the magic is gone from that piece of paper, there's something about having it taken against your desires. For the record, I had no plans to renew mine this coming November.

I'm hopeful this is kick in the pants I needed to focus my energy on more productive and more healthy endeavors. But I'm sure it will take some time for the draw of it all to fade.

Mrs Misbehaved and I haven't donned garments for a little while now. Mine are long gone, but hers are still in the drawer. Yesterday she made a comment, something about time to remove them from the dresser drawer.

Geez, I feel somber writing this. I'm not saying Goodbye to anyone here. I'm just taking it in.

[Silver Girl]

I appreciate all the kind words. We're really fine. It was more of a mental shift than any physical or formal change. Our names are still on the books and we don't have plans to resign. We just don't consider ourselves LDS anymore.

It feels strange to write that.

I don't harbor ill will to the SP. He was doing his job, I get it. He said a few things that were bothersome and one thing in particular that infuriated Mrs Misbehaved, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't make an influence.

I agree with Stig, the hardest part is having something taken away that was so valuable for so long. Even if the magic is gone from that piece of paper, there's something about having it taken against your desires. For the record, I had no plans to renew mine this coming November.

I'm hopeful this is kick in the pants I needed to focus my energy on more productive and more healthy endeavors. But I'm sure it will take some time for the draw of it all to fade.

Mrs Misbehaved and I haven't donned garments for a little while now. Mine are long gone, but hers are still in the drawer. Yesterday she made a comment, something about time to remove them from the dresser drawer.

Geez, I feel somber writing this. I'm not saying Goodbye to anyone here. I'm just taking it in.

I can feel how surreal this is to you. I had a similar feeling, but nowhere nearly as intense as yours, with your lifelong history. I returned my TR voluntarily, because I felt I had done nothing wrong (nobody was trying to "counsel" with me, though). When the thought of going to a DC, or meeting with someone in that manner hit me, it did not feel good or appropriate. It's like punishing the victim. I understand why various people wanted to fight for change from within; if this is the culture you grew up with, and one that you loved for that many years, it's understandable to want to speak up and say, "Hey, wait a minute!"

Yes, your SP was doing his job, and that is sad. It can't possibly feel good to him, or for that matter, even feel right.

I hope once a bit of time goes by you and Mrs. Misbehaved will find a comfort zone in this new place and identity. Hugs to you both!

[MalcolmVillager]

Dude this sucks. It's abusive and messy.

Glad you are both on the same page!

[Linked]

What a journey. That must have been a tough meeting. I hope you and Mrs. Misbehaved come through happy!

[Deepthinker]

That sounds like an awful experience with your SP.

But I am so happy for both of you to be where you are right now.

I remember lunch last year, how difficult things were for you, and with your wife not on the same page.

Here's to hoping you and your family continue finding your own happiness together!