Hoping to avoid the flames...

[Korihor]

I've debated with myself heavily whether or not to post an intro. Also, if I should keep it short and sweet or write too much as I usually do.

TL:DR - I was Kishkumen on the old site. Lifelong TBM, pioneer heritage, blah blah, shelf crashed 2015. Now I'm Agnostic trying to get my wife out completely.

I'm mid-30's. BIC, Sealed in temple, RM, all the good stuff. Lived in SLC my entire life and started having some uneasy questions about 5-7 years ago. Mostly, it was logical doctrine stuff. One of the biggest questions was this, "If God wants us to be happy, and total happiness comes to living the Gospel in this life, why are there only .02% of the earth population that are LDS. I understand our numbers will be few, but come on." The priesthood ban was challenging but not a shelf breaker at the time. I had some question struggles for a few years but maintained active TBM lifestyle.

In early 2015, I was offered a job promotion, but it was in Arizona. I took the job and moved down in summer 2015. I came down 1 month before my young family joined me. I spent that month getting acclimated and we also didn't have a house yet here. I was staying in a little apartment and at nights I found myself with free time. This was odd because i didn't have to take care of the kids, house, yard, car, anything. I actually had time to sit and think. Being the good little mormon boy, I used this time to study gospel and try to find answers to my questions. I was careful to avoid Google links to stuff that was obviously anti-mormon. One night I finally succumbed and found FairLDS and Mormonthink. I read mormonthink all night and I went from TBM to NOM to ExMo mentality in about 4 hours.

I didn't tell anyone. The family moved down and I stumbled across NOM and went to a NOM Lunch. Those guys saved my soul, I will be eternally grateful to them for as long as I have self-awareness. I kept my newfound loss of belief from my DW for a few months. I was scared to tell her. Eventually I told her and there were a few rough weeks. But things got better and now it's better than I would have guessed. She's a very liberal mormon now. She went from uber TBM to very liberal in about 6 months.
She still believes in God, but doesn't think you need to be mormon to get to heaven. Kinda "all roads lead to Rome" idea. Year of Polygamy podcast was by far the biggest catalyst to move her out of orthodoxy.

We still attend most Sundays. We will forever be Mormon. It's our culture and tribe. But I hope to one day resign with my wife. She has a calling as a YW teacher, but is going to ask to be released. She told the SSPres she is going to start attending RS henceforth.

I have told most all my close family and friends, but I am selective. My BP knows I don't believe, but he's pretty cool. I don't have a calling, but I think they're just happy I usually show up on Sundays. It's important to me to attend as a family if DW chooses to go.

We went to 2 different bible churchs recently. DW said she felt the spirit strongly there. She struggles with TSCC, but it is her social group and she can't let go of that yet. I doubt she ever will.

We have occasional talks with her parent and my mom about the church essays. I doubt my parents will ever leave orthodoxy, but I think my in-laws will bail sooner or later.

About 2 months ago, I tried a few adult beverages. DW is not morally opposed to alcohol, but she is opposed to it for health reasons. That being said, I can do what I want and really she doesn't seem to care as long as it's not around her. I had 2 beers on the couch last night while watching the Cubs. Something I could never imagine before.

I really appreciate people who chose to stay and those who leave, whatever their reasons. For some it's a good place even with all the warts. For me, I have realized how much damage it did to me. It really messed up my world views, my understanding of human sexuality, my trust rationality and my anger triggers. I'm now trying to correct bad information and make myself better in the latter half of my life.

Cheers to all.

[Deepthinker]

I don't believe I've heard/read your story before, Korihor.

I'm glad you posted this.

[Fifi de la Vergne]

I didn't remember your story; glad you decided to share it. It sounds like things are going in the right direction with your wife; that is great!

[MalcolmVillager]

I am just going to call you K. I hope the old Kish flames come from time to time though the voice of Korihor.

YOUR intro could be mine, outside of a few details.

[deacon blues]

Great story K. I remember you contributed some great ideas. Good to hear from you. Are you also on Mormon Discussions?

[Stig]

Thanks for sharing this. I will say that the Phoenix lunch group has been a big help in my struggle through this process; if for no other reason than to know I'm not alone.

[GoodBoy]

Thanks for sharing. I'll forever be Mormon as well and I'm OK with that. But I hope to keep the good and discard the bad.

[Korihor]

Are you also on Mormon Discussions?

I only post on NOM and Reddit - TheRealKishkumen

[AzCommando]

Thanks for the intro. I admire your bravery! The picture .... but I loved the flames. I also enjoy our Phoenix Lunches and perhaps I will now feel motivated to introduce myself. I was on the old NOM for about 8 months but never introduced.

[Hagoth]

Thanks KoriKumen, great to read your story.