Mom's Memorial Service

[achilles]

Last night was the memorial service for my mother. She didn't want a funeral, and wished to be cremated instead of embalmed w/viewing. My dad put together a nice service, and I can see that it helped him immensely to reframe the death of his wife and her amazing life.

It was a small service, and by invitation only. My dad found pictures of her from every season of her life (which is difficult, since she hated pictures), and wrote one paragraph summaries of each one. There was a family prayer, and I played prelude music (Clair de lune, Chopin Op 28 B minor prelude, WTC I Prelude in C major). There was an opening prayer, a summary of my mother's life by a family friend, time for family and close friends to talk about how my mom impacted their lives, a musical number (the Largo from the New World Symphony on piano, a favorite of hers) and a closing prayer.

We had a little dinner in the park near the funeral home (catered by the ward relief society--that's its own story). After that we went to the cemetery to place her urn in the vault. We put in letters to her from my dad, my sister, and I, ashes or hair from the dogs, a favorite ring of hers, a vial of her favorite perfume, a Christmas ornament of the Thorvadlsen Christus, and a handmade oboe reed (from me).

It was entirely unlike any of the mormon funerals I have attended, although our bishop was there. And we were able to do it because we had it at a funeral home instead of the church. It was wonderful to see some of my friends from high school who loved my mom, and my relatives who aren't psycho.

Today I received a card from my college friends containing almost $200 to select and plant a memorial tree for my mom in her memorial cottage garden in our backyard. Friends and family have been invited to select a drought tolerant perennial to add to the garden. My dad and I will be constructing the cottage (a small potting shed) later this year. I started the garden with about 25 plants earlier this summer when mom was still at home.

I want to take our basset buddy Peabody to her grave--he didn't get to see her for the last three months of her life.

I am still in denial, so I don't know what to feel. But I am absolutely convinced that her decision to pass was the right thing. She was in so much pain and would have had a terrible quality of life, completely disabled and in a nursing home. In spite of me not knowing for sure what comes after we die, I feel almost completely at peace with where she is now.

[Wonderment]

Thank you, achilles, for a beautifully written description of your Mom's memorial service. You perfectly conveyed the atmosphere of warmth and kindness that surrounded your Mom and her memory. I agree with you - had the service been at church, it wouldn't have been nearly as nice.
How wonderful of your college friends to donate funds to plant a memorial tree for your Mom in her memorial garden. I planted a little rose bush in memory of my dear stepmom who passed a few months ago, and it gives me comfort to see something growing and flowering as a tribute to her life.
I was very comforted to read your heartfelt message. Thanks again, best wishes from Wndr.

[HighMaintenance]

Achilles, it sounds like a beautiful celebration of your Mom's life.

One of my brothers passed on to me our Dad's fly rod. I ordered a new reel and line and plan on using it the next time we go to Lee's Ferry. I think he would like to see me catch a trout with it, especially since he never had much luck with fly fishing.

Enjoy her cottage garden and let it bring you closer to her. (Hugs)

[Grace2Daisy]

My wife and I have decided we do not want services and have both written in our wills requesting cremation. We have also detailed our desire to have our ashes scattered together off the coast of Maui, Hawaii. Here is a link we have provided in our wills: http://www.hawaiiashscatterings.com/maui

We know funeral services are for the living, and we have decided our children and grandkids would love gathering on Maui celebrating our lives.

[AllieOop]

Last night was the memorial service for my mother. She didn't want a funeral, and wished to be cremated instead of embalmed w/viewing. My dad put together a nice service, and I can see that it helped him immensely to reframe the death of his wife and her amazing life.

It was a small service, and by invitation only. My dad found pictures of her from every season of her life (which is difficult, since she hated pictures), and wrote one paragraph summaries of each one. There was a family prayer, and I played prelude music (Clair de lune, Chopin Op 28 B minor prelude, WTC I Prelude in C major). There was an opening prayer, a summary of my mother's life by a family friend, time for family and close friends to talk about how my mom impacted their lives, a musical number (the Largo from the New World Symphony on piano, a favorite of hers) and a closing prayer.

We had a little dinner in the park near the funeral home (catered by the ward relief society--that's its own story). After that we went to the cemetery to place her urn in the vault. We put in letters to her from my dad, my sister, and I, ashes or hair from the dogs, a favorite ring of hers, a vial of her favorite perfume, a Christmas ornament of the Thorvadlsen Christus, and a handmade oboe reed (from me).

It was entirely unlike any of the mormon funerals I have attended, although our bishop was there. And we were able to do it because we had it at a funeral home instead of the church. It was wonderful to see some of my friends from high school who loved my mom, and my relatives who aren't psycho.

This sounds like a beautiful service, achilles and a sweet tribute to your mother. My condolences for your loss and you're in my thoughts & prayers.

[Random]

That sounds beautiful, achilles. Thanks for sharing it with us.