Crazy Town

[Enough]

My EXTRAORDINARILY TBM parents (Bishop, RS President, 9 full-time missions, combined...my mother doesn't eat chocolate because of 1) Word of Wisdom, duh!!) AND "Deals" she has made with the Lord. We are talking HARD-CORE...have 10 children...even though we don't even LIKE children...but the Prophet told us to have children...kind of hard-core.

Last month my mom emailed me and said that she wanted to come take all of my children to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. She seems to have forgotten that my oldest son (age 21) resigned from the church as soon as he turned 18, My second son (19; not on a mission!) is inactive and disinterested. My third son and (only) daughter are active and believing, with great attitudes.... they can (and did) go. And my 11-year-old cannot get a recommend yet (He's 11!)

I kindly informed my mom that only two of the kids would be available to go to this activity for which they drove 6+ hours). I, myself, have no TR, so politely declined the invitation to go watch the involved parties (dad who holds the PH, baptize my 2 teens). They decided to come anyway. I was Garment-Check Hugged in the first 10-seconds. It has been stressful.

After 4 hours for the Temple activity yesterday (they got there right after a youth group of 60) and 2 family history activities (They spent most of the afternoon coloring for a genealogy book of some sort), my parents will attend a Temple session this morning and head home. Other than an after-dinner walk, the whole visit has revolved around Family History & Temple Work. It's very important to them...I guess it would just be nice if there was some consideration of what's important to everyone else.

[Emower]

Do the Kids enjoy time with the grandparents? If so, you may want to just put up with it. I had a great relationship with my grandparents and I cherish those memories now. With the one set those memories include staying up late at night discussing gospel topics, and I still cherish that. Sometimes grandma and I would stay up later and watch "Walker Texas Ranger" and eat ice cream. That would have never happened if I hadnt put up with the preaching from her. Those Walker nights are some of the funniest and best memories I have. If the kids dont like it either though, thats a different story.

There is value there even through the inappropriateness. I am sorry you are dealing with it. Its never fun to have people, especially family judging you on a continual basis.

[Enough]

Do the Kids enjoy time with the grandparents?

No -- if they loved it, I wouldn't mind so much. But, my kids are grinning & bearing it, just like me. Except my 11-year-old (on the Autism Spectrum). He is saying exactly what he thinks, as always. ....which can be socially "inappropriate"... but a bit refreshing, in this case.

[Red Ryder]

Just let it be. They are single handedly doing the dirty work for you and their fundamentalism will help push the kids out of crazy town.

Congrats on the son going to law school!

[MerrieMiss]

Just let it be. They are single handedly doing the dirty work for you and their fundamentalism will help push the kids out of crazy town.

Exactly what I was going to say.

I have never in my life been given a garment check. (I am guessing I would know if I were the victim of such a ridiculous practice?) Mormons know no boundaries, do they?

I had a great relationship with my grandparents and I cherish those memories now. With the one set those memories include staying up late at night discussing gospel topics, and I still cherish that. Sometimes grandma and I would stay up later and watch "Walker Texas Ranger" and eat ice cream. That would have never happened if I hadnt put up with the preaching from her. Those Walker nights are some of the funniest and best memories I have.

I think that's what so many people neglect when building relationships - the manufactured activities we design to make time together special often doesn't do the work of authentic, unscripted, spontaneous time spent together. The church fails miserably at this: FHE, family councils, PPIs, etc. There are not many of these activities that I remember, let alone remember fondly.

[MalcolmVillager]

Sorry Enough. If you need to chat or visit let me know. I am taking a break from FB and NOM for a bit, but I am here IRL if you need anything!

[Nonny]

Ouch!

As a grandparent myself, sometimes I wonder if the activities I plan to bond with the kids are something they just endure. I read your post as a reminder that my interests are not necessarily the kids' interests. It would be nice to meet in some middle ground though wouldn't it.

[Emower]

Do the Kids enjoy time with the grandparents?

No -- if they loved it, I wouldn't mind so much. But, my kids are grinning & bearing it, just like me. Except my 11-year-old (on the Autism Spectrum). He is saying exactly what he thinks, as always. ....which can be socially "inappropriate"... but a bit refreshing, in this case.

Well if nobody is getting anything out of it then you could remove the drama from your life without feeling too bad. I haven't seen my parents in 2 years. I don't think they have even seen my newest baby and she is coming up on 2 years old. Mormonism is great for families right?

[crossmyheart]

If your mom is anything like my mom- she probably is going to bear her testimony in Sacrament or RS or some other meeting about how she is praying for your family and doing her best to bring them to Christ.
I say this because sometimes I feel like the only interaction my kids get from my mom and my MIL is just to harvest spiritual anecdotes to share with their Visiting Teachers.

[Enough]

I definitely avoid having my TBM mother attend my Ward-- at any cost! She would not hesitate (and hasn't hesitated) to get up and bear her testimony (of the imminent End-of-the-world Horrors... of how the government will soon be be implanting computer microchips into our foreheads, how chocolate is EVIL, how she would be HAPPY to participate in polygamy if it means her Sisters will have a chance at Eternal Life...you get the idea???)

Welcome to my world.

[Red Ryder]

I definitely avoid having my TBM mother attend my Ward-- at any cost! She would not hesitate (and hasn't hesitated) to get up and bear her testimony (of the imminent End-of-the-world Horrors... of how the government will soon be be implanting computer microchips into our foreheads, how chocolate is EVIL, how she would be HAPPY to participate in polygamy if it means her Sisters will have a chance at Eternal Life...you get the idea???)

Welcome to my world.

Oh that level of crazy. I was thinking crazy like my parents. My dad is building a genealogy training center in his backyard.

[Linked]

Wow, sounds like a drive-by churching! Did they do any non-church stuff with you while they were there? That just seems obtuse, what are they hoping to accomplish? Remind you that the church has cult-like tendencies?

[Enough]

Wow, sounds like a drive-by churching! Did they do any non-church stuff with you while they were there? That just seems obtuse, what are they hoping to accomplish?...

Good question?

My parents came late on a Thursday evening...just in time to say Hi...and go to bed. Friday morning: They sat my kids down for a FamilySearch lesson on the computer. Then, my parents took my 2 (TR-holding) teenagers to the Temple, to do Baptisms for the dead. That outing took FOUR hours (though we live 10 minutes away from the Temple). It turns out that a large youth group from a small, neighboring town arrived just before my parents & kids did. (Umm-- maybe the Temple Workers could let the party of Two do their 7 baptisms BEFORE having the party of Sixty do their 700+??? Just an idea!). Anyway...the outing took 4 hours.

But, just in case you thought there might be fun for ALL, after the Teenagers-Summer-Day-Sitting-in Church-Clothes-Event: My Mom whipped out a Family History project that took the rest of the day. Yes, she had all of my kids....including my (not Mormon anymore) 21-year-old Law School Student-to-be next month and my College Sophomore Son ...coloring a Temple/missionary/Book of Mormon/other ancestor stories Book...which will most likely show up as a Christmas gift in December. No computer animation/graphic design allowed. Must use colored pencils and crayons!!

After that, I insisted (I had to insist) that we all go outside, and take a walk by the river. That lasted about 30 minutes, before my parents were done. It was nice.

After I drove them out to see a mural my daughter was painting at the local Animal Shelter, we came home and my parents sat and watched (much to their dismay, I think), a really cool documentary that one of my sons produced (and illustrated, and composed music for...) for a film class last semester.

Then, they went to bed.

The next morning, I invited my parents to go to a Farmer's Market with me & one of my kids. They declined. Rather, they chose to attend a Temple Endowment Session, prior driving back home -- to Utah.

So, Yes -- I tried to do non-church stuff with them. They weren't so interested in that stuff. What were they hoping to accomplish? I'm guessing it had something to do with saving the souls of some kids whose mother is "beyond help...beyond hope."

[Linked]

Good question?

My parents came late on a Thursday evening...just in time to say Hi...and go to bed. Friday morning: They sat my kids down for a FamilySearch lesson on the computer. Then, my parents took my 2 (TR-holding) teenagers to the Temple, to do Baptisms for the dead. That outing took FOUR hours (though we live 10 minutes away from the Temple). It turns out that a large youth group from a small, neighboring town arrived just before my parents & kids did. (Umm-- maybe the Temple Workers could let the party of Two do their 7 baptisms BEFORE having the party of Sixty do their 700+??? Just an idea!). Anyway...the outing took 4 hours.

But, just in case you thought there might be fun for ALL, after the Teenagers-Summer-Day-Sitting-in Church-Clothes-Event: My Mom whipped out a Family History project that took the rest of the day. Yes, she had all of my kids....including my (not Mormon anymore) 21-year-old Law School Student-to-be next month and my College Sophomore Son ...coloring a Temple/missionary/Book of Mormon/other ancestor stories Book...which will most likely show up as a Christmas gift in December. No computer animation/graphic design allowed. Must use colored pencils and crayons!!

After that, I insisted (I had to insist) that we all go outside, and take a walk by the river. That lasted about 30 minutes, before my parents were done. It was nice.

After I drove them out to see a mural my daughter was painting at the local Animal Shelter, we came home and my parents sat and watched (much to their dismay, I think), a really cool documentary that one of my sons produced (and illustrated, and composed music for...) for a film class last semester.

Then, they went to bed.

The next morning, I invited my parents to go to a Farmer's Market with me & one of my kids. They declined. Rather, they chose to attend a Temple Endowment Session, prior driving back home -- to Utah.

So, Yes -- I tried to do non-church stuff with them. They weren't so interested in that stuff. What were they hoping to accomplish? I'm guessing it had something to do with saving the souls of some kids whose mother is "beyond help...beyond hope."

Your family sounds awesome, that is so cool that your daughter is painting a mural at the Animal Shelter and your son produced a documentary! And wow, 21 and starting law school? That is so much further ahead in life than he might otherwise be. Way to go raising what sounds like great kids! My kids are still little, but I hope I can say similar things about them some day.

I'm sorry your parents don't seem interested in your family's awesome lives.

[Korihor]

Wow, crazy town indeed.
Stay strong, Enough. Stay strong.

[MerrieMiss]

Wow, sounds like a drive-by churching! Did they do any non-church stuff with you while they were there? That just seems obtuse, what are they hoping to accomplish?...

My parents came late on a Thursday evening...just in time to say Hi...and go to bed. Friday morning: They sat my kids down for a FamilySearch lesson on the computer. Then, my parents took my 2 (TR-holding) teenagers to the Temple, to do Baptisms for the dead. That outing took FOUR hours (though we live 10 minutes away from the Temple). It turns out that a large youth group from a small, neighboring town arrived just before my parents & kids did. (Umm-- maybe the Temple Workers could let the party of Two do their 7 baptisms BEFORE having the party of Sixty do their 700+??? Just an idea!). Anyway...the outing took 4 hours.

But, just in case you thought there might be fun for ALL, after the Teenagers-Summer-Day-Sitting-in Church-Clothes-Event: My Mom whipped out a Family History project that took the rest of the day. Yes, she had all of my kids....including my (not Mormon anymore) 21-year-old Law School Student-to-be next month and my College Sophomore Son ...coloring a Temple/missionary/Book of Mormon/other ancestor stories Book...which will most likely show up as a Christmas gift in December. No computer animation/graphic design allowed. Must use colored pencils and crayons!!

...The next morning, I invited my parents to go to a Farmer's Market with me & one of my kids. They declined. Rather, they chose to attend a Temple Endowment Session, prior driving back home -- to Utah.

So, Yes -- I tried to do non-church stuff with them. They weren't so interested in that stuff. What were they hoping to accomplish? I'm guessing it had something to do with saving the souls of some kids whose mother is "beyond help...beyond hope."

And this is exactly why I refuse to go inactive while we live close to my in-laws. They aren't this level of crazy yet, but the older they get, the worse it gets. I can only imagine how it would accelerate if they found out I wasn't active, let alone a non-believer. Even my husband thinks they're nuts.

I'm sorry. Sounds like a lousy time. My husband says his parents weren't this weird when he was a kid. Were yours, or is this something that happened as they aged, or just as you backed away from church? I have a theory that this is just changing church culture and our parents as well as our peers are changing with it - retrenchment among the masses. I see people my age advocating for no birth control, no activities without a moral lesson, little kids who have to wear clothes all the time, even undershirts (my SIL had a hard time keeping it together when I let one of my kids run around without a shirt). I really do not remember things being that weird when I was growing up.

[Enough]

I'm sorry. Sounds like a lousy time. My husband says his parents weren't this weird when he was a kid. Were yours, or is this something that happened as they aged, or just as you backed away from church? I have a theory that this is just changing church culture and our parents as well as our peers are changing with it - retrenchment among the masses. I see people my age advocating for no birth control, no activities without a moral lesson, little kids who have to wear clothes all the time, even undershirts (my SIL had a hard time keeping it together when I let one of my kids run around without a shirt). I really do not remember things being that weird when I was growing up.

Unfortunately, my parents have always been this way. I was always the kid who couldn't drink (caffeine-free) RC Cola (much less Coke) or ride a bike on Sunday -- because of "the appearance of evil". It's always been All-Church; All-The-Time.... Except when we had a little Come-To-Jesus meeting (aka confrontation a few years ago about my disaffection). They backed off -- but, I knew it was too good to last.

While my parents aren't exactly bearing down on me directly--currently, they are starting to up their game with my kids. But, because I had a little break there, it kind of took me off guard. I have two sons' ordinations coming up in the next 10 months -- my parents ALWAYS come for those! So, I have another opportunity, soon, to practice my Zen.

[Newme]

Oh my gosh! I was laughing about making your adult children do coloring books. My mom has done similar things. Heart may be in the right place- but a reminder that loving well requires more than one narrow perspective. I wish she would've gone to the farmer's market with you - my gosh - how clueless, sorry. It's kind of like someone in my family going off on someone else for daring to call her & interrupt during general conference. Missed that mark by a long shot.

Enough, hopefully you realize you are enough - lovable etc & that her lack of ability to love well is not a reflection of you but of her.

I'm glad you have some zen to practice...

[StarbucksMom]

Enough, that really is crazy, and so sad. They are wasting their lives away running on the stupid meaningless mormon treadmill to nowhere. And while running like clueless hamsters, they are missing out on your beautiful family. They have no real connections with you and their grandchildren.

I am sorry. I guess you can be grateful you have great kids and that you'll be a fun, involved grandma someday. And you found out mormonism is total BS-- so yay! No senior mission for you.

[SeeNoEvil]

Enough I am just reading this! Sorry a bit late to the party but, my oh my! Crazy is not the word! Sounds like a bit of intervention is needed here and maybe another "come to Jesus" meeting. Since they seem bent on all things church I would definitely lay down some ground rules and most definitely remind them just what age appropriate activities might look like. Coloring? Yep.... time to sit the mom and dad down again!

PS. Sounds like you need a forest to hide in!