Quick Update

[Deepthinker]

Things have been going quite well for me lately. I hadn’t brought up anything about the church with DW for several months and finally broke that streak last week, and I will post about that experience separately in the Mixed-Faith Relationships section. I need some input on the best way to handle her response, even if it is no response from me.

I am completely worn out with my calling. The hours I’m spending with the new bishopric are just too much. I thought it would taper down after the new bishopric settled in, but it hasn’t. I’m very close to telling the new bishop I’m ready to be released.

It seems like I feel less and less for the church as time passes. I listened to Bill Reel’s spiritual abuse podcast, and the one he did with IOT and both really hit home with me. I skip sunday school and priesthood often, just so I don't put myself through the abuse.

[blazerb]

I know cutting back the time I spend on my calling has been crucial for my mental health. I had a kind bishop who understood some of the personal issues I was going through. I have enjoyed having Sundays back. Only three hours of meetings. My non-mormon friends would never understand.

[Korihor]

Thanks for the update.
Tell the BP immediately that you need to be released. Don't prolong the suffering.
Assuming you're willing, say you're done mid-july and they need to get someone asap if you're going to help train them. Don't stay there for the July 24 unofficial Utah vacation day. Get outta a chapel and enjoy the summer!

Looking forward to hear how we can help.

[Deepthinker]

I know cutting back the time I spend on my calling has been crucial for my mental health. I had a kind bishop who understood some of the personal issues I was going through. I have enjoyed having Sundays back. Only three hours of meetings. My non-mormon friends would never understand.

I would love to have Sundays back, to the point where it is just three hours. Right now I'm there on Sunday for about 7 hours, then 2 hours on Tuesday, and 2 hours on Wednesday. That doesn't include the time I spend creating agendas, setting up interviews, etc.

[Deepthinker]

Thanks for the update.
Tell the BP immediately that you need to be released. Don't prolong the suffering.
Assuming you're willing, say you're done mid-july and they need to get someone asap if you're going to help train them. Don't stay there for the July 24 unofficial Utah vacation day. Get outta a chapel and enjoy the summer!

Looking forward to hear how we can help.

Thanks Kor, I would love to do that. I think I will tell the new bishop that I can't go three days a week for meetings and start with that. See where it goes.

[Red Ryder]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

[Corsair]

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

Yes, it would be easier to leave the church and then leave the church alone. Too many people I respect have openly advocated for simply moving on and never looking back. I wish it was that simple but instead we end up here with too many friends and family firmly believing in the LDS church for us to make a clean break.

[Stig]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

Done. Haven't been back since December.

[LSOF]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

Some of us are trammelled by universities named after bearded polygamists.

[Stig]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

Some of us are trammelled by universities named after bearded polygamists.

Uggh, student or employee (if you don't mind saying)?

[Mahonri Moriancumer]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

I was Exec Sec in a bishopric and was getting really burned out, along with my FC and a lot of crap happening at home. I did exactly what Red Ryder said and it was a huge relief to be released. I highly recommend it, unless you still want to hang on to your calling, but just scale back.

[redjay]

No no no.

No good for your psychological well-being.

I was on the bishopric last year when I told the SP I couldn't continue - I gave them a few moths to find a replacement. I was lucky my SP was very supportive, and I have no need of a TR any time soon, if ever.

[LSOF]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

Some of us are trammelled by universities named after bearded polygamists.

Uggh, student or employee (if you don't mind saying)?

Student.

[hmb]

I wonder how many TBMs are jealous of those who pull back and say, "No more!"? I once asked my dad about the women who were fighting to get the PH and he said, "Why would anyone want that extra work?" That is coming from MY dad, a true TBM to the heart. He never says no to anyone. Even though he is >90.

[Random]

I wonder how many TBMs are jealous of those who pull back and say, "No more!"?

I used to think that people who asked to be released (or who refused callings) were committing a great sin. I would have never dared do such a thing, except under the most dire circumstances.

[Stig]

Some of us are trammelled by universities named after bearded polygamists.

Uggh, student or employee (if you don't mind saying)?

Student.

Is transfer even remotely viable?

[LSOF]

Uggh, student or employee (if you don't mind saying)?

Student.

Is transfer even remotely viable?

Yes, but not right now. I'll do one more semester, then take a year-long sabbatical. I might work out transferring then.

[Stig]

Student.

Is transfer even remotely viable?

Yes, but not right now. I'll do one more semester, then take a year-long sabbatical. I might work out transferring then.

For your sake, I hope you are able to make the change. Your situation has to be terribly difficult to maintain.

[Silver Girl]

As difficult as it might be, I would ask to be released so you can focus on your relationship with your wife and family. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to get released. Or just tell them the truth that your not a 100% believer anymore.

Asking for a partial and temporary reprieve won't soothe your mind or your schedule.

Why don't we just all quit the church cold turkey? Wouldn't that be easier in the long run?

I agree with resigning cold turkey. Once you have the information you need to know, waiting, delaying, trying to negotiate a way to do the middle ground thing is usually a waste of energy. I personally don't feel there is a "middle way," and there probably never was, because the church lied.

It's been more than two years since I attended a sacrament meeting. I can't tell you what a relief it is. Yes, there's fallout to consider, but it's like getting something odious out of your way.

[Deepthinker]

Thanks for the input, everyone. I ended up talking with our Bishop late last week about cutting back, that the time commitment has been too much for me. He says he understands and told me I can decide about skipping when I need to. He also said to let him know if it comes to a point that I’m ready to be released. I almost told him that I was ready, but I’m still determined to finish this thing out if for nothing else for my wife. I know how bad she would feel if she knew I asked to be released. After I told her about my conversation with Bishop she said that maybe I still need this calling to keep me busy in the church. I didn’t respond to that. The things I do for her to try to reduce her stress at the expense of increasing mine.

One of the other reasons I’m so busy is because of our ward size. We have nearly 400 in sacrament every Sunday (about 75-80% activity rate). We have about 80 active youth, and about 150 active primary kids. Our deacons quorum will be up to about 25 active deacons in the next few months. The number of youth advancements and baptisms each month is significant. But, I’m just complaining now.

I really need another venting phone call session with my gay brother to renew my strength.

We are taking a few weeks off for vacation starting next week and this week has been lighter with the holiday, so that will definitely help.