Linked, Would You Say the Prayer?

[Linked]

My parents and siblings get together every month or so and have dessert. Last night we met at my parents and when the dessert came out my dad gathered everyone for a prayer. Then he looked at me and asked, "Linked, would you say the prayer?" I scoffed a bit, then said sure, and gave a short prayer of thanks for family time and food. Afterwards he laughed and said, "I picked you cause I knew it would be short!"

My family knows my situation, so this frustrated me. Though, if he never asked me to pray again I would also be frustrated about being exiled. I think I may have put my family in an impossible situation where they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure they meant it the way I took it. Every time we talk they try to point out a tender mercy or bring in something churchy. My mom was gushing over how blessed they were to get on the freeway right after the stop and go from an accident. She said, "How often does that happen?!" And I responded, "All the time." I am pretty sure they are trying to ignite my faith feels, which is annoying. Maybe I will make a rule that for every comment they make trying to force their worldview on me I will make a similar comment trying to force my worldview on them. Hopefully we can stop doing that quickly and just have a good relationship.

Next time I'm gonna give the longest prayer he's ever heard.

[Korihor]

I get it, it can be frustrating.

That being said, I would simply offer you consider this is your family reaching out to you and/or trying to soften the situation. Maybe this is the best olive branch he can offer. In the TBM mind - they can't fathom the nonexistence of God/prayer/etc.

As long as they believe and you don't it's not going to be a perfect relationship. Instead of saying a long prayer next time, K.I.S.S. - but pray to Odin.

Just love them, they seem to be loving you.

[Brent]

I got in a little trouble for teaching my toddler grandson
"Rub a dub dub,
Thanks for the grub
Yay God"

Learned it at scout camp...

[No Tof]

I get it, it can be frustrating.

That being said, I would simply offer you consider this is your family reaching out to you and/or trying to soften the situation. Maybe this is the best olive branch he can offer. In the TBM mind - they can't fathom the nonexistence of God/prayer/etc.

As long as they believe and you don't it's not going to be a perfect relationship. Instead of saying a long prayer next time, K.I.S.S. - but pray to Odin.

Just love them, they seem to be loving you.

I think this is sound advice from Korihor.
(and wow Kor..... the flames have subsided a lot. Good for you)

[2bizE]

So, a year or two ago my family and I went to a temple dedication. In the dedicatory prayer, I think it was elder oaks, who kept saying "in the name of Jesus Christ". Each time he said this, my kids thought he was about to finish. But to their dismay, he kept going on and on and on. My kids picked up on this. Soon, they started doing this while blessing the food. They would say " in the name.of Jesus Christ"... and instead of saying amen, continue to extend the prayer. It was quite funny to see them do this...

[Dravin]

I'd just respond, "No, thanks." Giving a long prayer in order to discourage being asked seems a lot more work to me instead of clearly informing them of your wishes. That said, I could see the temptation. For instance if asked to "give thanks" I'd be tempted to simply thank the people who showed up and those who prepared and brought food, reference to deity not required.

[redjay]

sometimes I think we just need to treat this like a normal religion. A few words of gratitude before a meal, for the sake of family tradition, starting with dear god, and ending in the name of jesus. Not a big deal. Taking the sacrament, no great hardship there either, just think of it as taking off your shoes when visiting a mosque/synagogue. Maybe goes back to that discussion of indifference being the greatest place for ex's and NOM's

But then if I was a self-confessed atheist I maybe feel different, as it is I'm a closeted NOM, but even when I edge out of the closet to my immediate family, I'll be happy to persist in our tradition of thanking God/the Universe for our food before we dig in - my wife and at least one kid will still be TBM for the foreseeable future.

[wtfluff]

Every time we talk they try to point out a tender mercy or bring in something churchy.

Question: What did your family talk about before your faith crisis, if it was not (chicken) tender mercies, and churchy stuff?


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[Linked]

I get it, it can be frustrating.

That being said, I would simply offer you consider this is your family reaching out to you and/or trying to soften the situation. Maybe this is the best olive branch he can offer. In the TBM mind - they can't fathom the nonexistence of God/prayer/etc.

As long as they believe and you don't it's not going to be a perfect relationship. Instead of saying a long prayer next time, K.I.S.S. - but pray to Odin.

Just love them, they seem to be loving you.

Thanks for talking me off the ledge. I imagine I will have unreasonable feelings about this stuff for a while. I like the Odin idea, maybe I could go through all the different pantheons of gods, they'll never know what they are going to get!

I'd just respond, "No, thanks." Giving a long prayer in order to discourage being asked seems a lot more work to me instead of clearly informing them of your wishes. That said, I could see the temptation. For instance if asked to "give thanks" I'd be tempted to simply thank the people who showed up and those who prepared and brought food, reference to deity not required.

I like that too. "Mom, thanks for making all this delicious dessert. I'm really glad we can have these get togethers and hang out. Let's eat!"

sometimes I think we just need to treat this like a normal religion. A few words of gratitude before a meal, for the sake of family tradition, starting with dear god, and ending in the name of jesus. Not a big deal. Taking the sacrament, no great hardship there either, just think of it as taking off your shoes when visiting a mosque/synagogue. Maybe goes back to that discussion of indifference being the greatest place for ex's and NOM's

But then if I was a self-confessed atheist I maybe feel different, as it is I'm a closeted NOM, but even when I edge out of the closet to my immediate family, I'll be happy to persist in our tradition of thanking God/the Universe for our food before we dig in - my wife and at least one kid will still be TBM for the foreseeable future.

I have a difficult time distinguishing between normal religions and mormonism, I was raised in Utah County... But I agree, I am fine with prayers, it's a cultural and traditional thing as well as religious. The issue is more that I feel like my parents are trying to push me back to belief.

Every time we talk they try to point out a tender mercy or bring in something churchy.

Question: What did your family talk about before your faith crisis, if it was not (chicken) tender mercies, and churchy stuff?

Great question. Churchy stuff has always been a big topic, and my parents are currently full-time stake missionaries, so this is nothing new. However, the audience has changed. And now they have a new reason to do it. So the situation is different. But I'll get over it I guess.

[Korihor]

As many here have witnessed, I have flown off the handle for many a trivial comment. I still do.
Being angry and sensitive is normal. It's part of the process. Don't worry if you have tough moments, we (I) love hearing about them.

I'd just respond, "No, thanks." Giving a long prayer in order to discourage being asked seems a lot more work to me instead of clearly informing them of your wishes. That said, I could see the temptation. For instance if asked to "give thanks" I'd be tempted to simply thank the people who showed up and those who prepared and brought food, reference to deity not required.

If you give a long prayer next time just to teach him a lesson, it could be a reiteration of the passive aggressive culture mormons are known for.

Let your apostasy shine for all to see and enjoy - embrace it. I always get excited when I see a new thread by Linked.

[wtfluff]

Every time we talk they try to point out a tender mercy or bring in something churchy.

Question: What did your family talk about before your faith crisis, if it was not (chicken) tender mercies, and churchy stuff?

Great question. Churchy stuff has always been a big topic, and my parents are currently full-time stake missionaries, so this is nothing new. However, the audience has changed. And now they have a new reason to do it. So the situation is different. But I'll get over it I guess.

"The audience has changed" meaning, you have changed?

It could be that the topics they speak of have not changed at all, just that you are looking at the topics differently. If that's the case, they are not trying to change you in any way, they are just being their normal selves.

In my family of origin, there is almost NEVER a conversation that does not involve the LDS Corporation in some way. I'm still under cover, so they're not trying to poke me, but I definitely notice it much more from the outside. (Secretly from the outside...)

[Linked]

Let your apostasy shine for all to see and enjoy - embrace it. I always get excited when I see a new thread by Linked.

Thanks, I worry that I post too many threads, but your comment made me feel better about it.

"The audience has changed" meaning, you have changed?

It could be that the topics they speak of have not changed at all, just that you are looking at the topics differently. If that's the case, they are not trying to change you in any way, they are just being their normal selves.

In my family of origin, there is almost NEVER a conversation that does not involve the LDS Corporation in some way. I'm still under cover, so they're not trying to poke me, but I definitely notice it much more from the outside. (Secretly from the outside...)

Yes, they are no longer talking to TBM son, they are talking to disbelieving son. Talking to me as though I am a believer shows they are ignoring who I am, are trying to get me back into that worldview, or don't know how to talk to a disbelieving son. I don't talk to them like they are disbelievers.

And you are right, I am seeing things differently, but so are they. Ultimately my parents and I are both figuring out how to treat each other, and there will be bumps in the road. Hopefully we can get through them and I can not be unreasonable and them too.

[Korihor]

Let your apostasy shine for all to see and enjoy - embrace it. I always get excited when I see a new thread by Linked.

Thanks, I worry that I post too many threads,

Have you seen how many posts I have???

[Linked]

Thanks, I worry that I post too many threads,

Have you seen how many posts I have???

Haha, fair enough. I guess I just have some NOM insecurity.

[crossmyheart]

I am working up the courage to say a prayer of thanks to the flying spaghetti monster and his noodly appendages whenever my DH asks me to say the prayer. Maybe I will work up the courage for the next time we have Italian for dinner?