The Power of Indifference

[Brent]

Corsair mentioned something about indifference in another thread and that sparked my memory about this:

During the tidal struggle of changing beliefs it is often too easy to become stranded on the reef of facts. To be exact it’s easy to allow the division of what the facts are or mean becomes something loved ones get hung up on and gnaws a hole into the relationship it cannot survive. During this struggle it may be necessary to make small concessions to alleviate the pressure on the hull. Finding the things you can let go is difficult if you cling to anger and hold it close to keep it alive. Yes, you’re hurt and when we’re hurt we tend to want to share the pain but the Church isn’t going to change to ease your suffering and you may need to simply let somethings go. For my wife I have made a small concession that is making our lives better. We agree that members are human, flawed and absolutely the worst place you can go to find “Doctrine”. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints claims to take no political position yet, its members are overwhelmingly conservative Republicans. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if the Church was overwhelmingly progressive Democrats the same problem of population bias would occur. Doctrine is filtered through untrained ministry and teachers who are simply human, they see things in the light of their own biases and beliefs. Then those regular (lay) folks process and pass along that information to other untrained people who, in turn, process that information for themselves. This is why during Gospel Doctrine Sunday School classes you can turn to the person next to you and say, “That’s just ol’ Mahonri’s take on it. He’s a little touched, if you know what I mean.”

Been there. Done that. Probably had folks spinning circles at their temple while I’ve been speaking.

If you can use the “that’s their take” during church why not use it for the church? Myself, I have started to attend Fast & Testimony meeting with my wife because there is no other meeting where all agree doctrine is more misrepresented, mauled, mangled and made up than this theological open mic night. I’ll be bold: folks get up at Fast & Testimony and indulge their biases, they try to look as pious as possible and make trivial things sound like matters of true eternal consequence. It’s open mic night in the truest sense of the word. No one will get booed off the stage. The bishop won’t interfere unless you’re telling dirty jokes or exposing yourself. That’s not to say that truth isn’t spoken and hearts aren’t opened but let’s face it we’ll all heard some boring, crazy, self-aggrandizing things on open mic Sunday. During Fast & Testimony meeting the Church rarely speaks, there are no guidelines, no lesson plans, no “Official Doctrine” wafting over the congregation; folks just say what they need to say. Sometimes it is crazy. Sometimes it is banal. Sometimes it makes good sense. Sometimes it is heartwarming and true. But, at the end of it all you can simply say, “That’s their take” and walk away.

One of things I’ve been able to do is extend the “That’s their take” to the Corporate Church as well. If you believe as I do that The Corporation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” and “Intellectual Reserve” are not a source of reliable truth then you shouldn’t give them the credit of being a spokesperson for the Lord. If the Church is run by “regular folks” then they’re only as powerful as you make them. The idea that children are responsible and should be punished for their parent’s sins (same sex marriage) is clearly a human created doctrine written by humans who are wrong on this particular issue. If they aren’t prophets, seers and revelators then they’re just folks with a larger twitter following than most and are worthy of the same respect you’d give the Baptist minister down the road. In my daily life as a high school teacher I occasionally have a student spouting some conspiratorial claptrap and, rather than beat them down or encourage others to, I simply say, “You gotta believe what you gotta believe” let it roll off my back and move along.

You gotta believe what you gotta believe. Sister Crazy Cat Lady has to believe what she’s gotta believe. 80 year old men locked in a steel and glass tower gotta believe what they gotta believe. Get centered on what you believe and you’ll find it easier to let others do the same. You might even find (as I do) that once you realize folks are responsible for their own beliefs and they can’t make you believe differently life gets a lot easier…well for me at least.

[Red Ryder]

Great post!

Indifference really is the key to moving on mentally. It's easier said than done but when you get there you'll find the impact of the church on your life is minimal. One thing that has helped me is fading through Bob McCue's great write up of ways to recover through creative therapy. As always with Bob's writings, it's a little long but an excellent read.

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_bobm ... 1209726305

[Thoughtful]

Well, the bishop will interfere if you're a 12 year old lesbian who believes God loves you and you had the audacity to say so. But maybe that's a different thread.

[Mormorrisey]

Yep. That's where I'm at, and a lot happier too.

[No Tof]

[quote=Brent post_id=18359 time=1497572561 user_id=539
At the end of it all you can simply say, “That’s their take” and walk away.

You gotta believe what you gotta believe. Sister Crazy Cat Lady has to believe what she’s gotta believe. 80 year old men locked in a steel and glass tower gotta believe what they gotta believe. Get centered on what you believe and you’ll find it easier to let others do the same. You might even find (as I do) that once you realize folks are responsible for their own beliefs and they can’t make you believe differently life gets a lot easier…well for me at least.
[/quote]

Well said.
The angry phase is nice to get out of (most of the time) The indifferent phase allows us to function in a TBM world if we are required to do so and with time and some work I believe we can get to a loving peaceful relationship with spouse TBM family and other members and even to some respect the church itself.

[Rebel]

This really is how to be NOM in a nutshell !!!! Indifference is the way to go. I have been doing this a long time where I have my own set of personal beliefs that I go by but don't tell anybody . Don't know how long I can keep it going as I get tired sometimes and just want to quit !!! For now it will have to be the way for me.