The church really misses the mark on this one

[Corsair]

Joseph Smith's original policy was for weddings to be public events. I may be cynical, but this does support sealings as "eternity only " affairs, as ridiculous as that is.

There is one crazy way around this policy that could work in the United States. Suppose a young LDS couple decides to have a civil wedding and explicitly skip the temple sealing in favor of having all of their friends and family attend the ceremony. They could wait the year just to point out the silliness of the policy while they could still attend the temple and do proxy sealings. If a couple had the chutzpah to do this, leaders and parents would be in the unenviable position of having to explain why the temple exclusivity is so important. It's not like blessings would be denied this couple.

This may be a pipe dream. I do have one child that has a small inclination to do such a thing to the consternation of her faithful relatives. But she just barely graduated high school so it's not like she has met Mr. Right.

[moksha]

There was a faith promoting rumor that the church was going to lift this restriction with the following provisos...

Probably just wishful thinking on the part of Church members and their families.

[MerrieMiss]

It’s wrong. It’s so very, very wrong. And it causes enormous feelings of superiority.

One of my parents is a convert and attended their wedding alone. They had to travel for a day to get to the temple, go through the endowment for the first time (because convert) and proceed to be married right after. The LDS family was huge and all in attendance. My non-member grandparents came and sat outside while their child went through an hours-long ritual/ceremony and then went to a typical church gym reception.

My non-LDS grandparents were so angered by it that up until their health deteriorated they never missed an opportunity to say, very lovingly, that we were going to hell. I have heard that from them since I was a kid. The narrative from my parents when I was a child was that my convert parent chose to follow god and get married in his house even when my grandparents were upset and there were blessings for that. My parent now feels a lot of guilt over it, apologized to my grandfather before he got dementia, but my grandmother was already dead. There is a TON of guilt there. And the family narrative set me up to make the choice to get married in the temple no matter what. And excluding people was normal. I excluded my teenage siblings and anyone else who had not yet gone through the rite of passage of the temple endowment, not just my grandparents. Exclusion is expected. I never really understood how bad it was until I got married realized what my parents went through.

The interesting part is that my convert parent joined the church at the same time as a sibling, but that sibling had a huge protestant wedding and later got sealed in the temple. Which also pissed off my grandparents – What, their church wedding wasn’t good enough? The sibling was a bit lukewarm/not quite jackmo Mormon, but now my parents are NOM and my convert parent’s sibling is a very devoted TBM.

For my own wedding only one sibling attended because he was recently returned from a mission. Again, my grandparents came and sat outside while the entire other side of my family and all of my husband’s family attended inside – so many people they had to bring in extra chairs. I had no idea so many people would come.

What is the big deal about the temple wedding anyway? No music, no flowers, people dressed in weird outfits, the brides dress all covered up, groom looking like a dork in a bakers hat.... yep! there's nothing romantic and exciting about the temple ceremony. The joyous moment you waited and prepared for all you life is all sucked up by the weirdness of the whole thing.

Knowing that I was getting married in a very simple ceremony and wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress, I didn’t buy one. I didn’t have my hair done. I didn’t have a reception, photographs, or any flowers. There was a family meal afterward. I just didn’t see the point in doing any of that extra stuff for an LDS temple wedding.

I was recently watching a cheesy romantic comedy and I was upset thinking about my temple wedding. I never got to have everyone I knew there or to participate. I’m not a particularly fancy person. I’m an introvert, so big parties aren’t my thing. But I’m really sad to think I not only prevented such an opportunity for myself but also for my family and friends (who also couldn’t come inside). And I don’t really have anything to show my kids, other than a few not so great photographs that some people took and mailed to me later.

[SeeNoEvil]

Joseph Smith's original policy was for weddings to be public events. I may be cynical, but this does support sealings as "eternity only " affairs, as ridiculous as that is.

I guess this is one thing I can agree with JS on! Then someone came a long and changed it! Shame on them!

MerrieMiss wrote: I was recently watching a cheesy romantic comedy and I was upset thinking about my temple wedding. I never got to have everyone I knew there or to participate. I’m not a particularly fancy person. I’m an introvert, so big parties aren’t my thing. But I’m really sad to think I not only prevented such an opportunity for myself but also for my family and friends (who also couldn’t come inside). And I don’t really have anything to show my kids, other than a few not so great photographs that some people took and mailed to me later.

This is really sad. I'm sorry this is how your wedding day was for you. Sad too that this happened because you were just following "the Lord"

Give It Time wrote:There was a faith promoting rumor that the church was going to lift this restriction with the following provisos...

Moska wrote: Probably just wishful thinking on the part of Church members and their families.

This discussion has been tossed around many times over throughout the years with nothing ever done about it. I have a dream that one day the church heads will say, "hey, we are loosing members... let's make some wonderful changes and make this church more welcoming...." Like I say, a dream.

[SeeNoEvil]

deleted. double post

[SeeNoEvil]

deleted. triple post! must have been what I was drinking

[Hermey]

Love your story! My niece's wedding last October the same way. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was beautiful!

[SeeNoEvil]

Love your story! My niece's wedding last October the same way. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was beautiful!

Thank you Hermey! It was the perfect day! Good to hear from you and glad you got the chance to be there for your niece on her special day. I miss you all! Say Hi to all my Harmonites.... One day I will return !!!!

[Hermey]

Love your story! My niece's wedding last October the same way. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was beautiful!

Thank you Hermey! It was the perfect day! Good to hear from you and glad you got the chance to be there for your niece on her special day. I miss you all! Say Hi to all my Harmonites.... One day I will return !!!!

So glad it was a good experience for you, and for your family! Will tell everyone you said hi. And so glad you escaped from "zion." Someday.....

[Emower]

Here's what really blows my mind now, looking in from the outside: My mormon bubble was so incredibly thick, that I never gave a second thought to my in-laws sitting out in the waiting room. My in-laws just took it in stride. They've missed 75% of their kid's actual wedding ceremonies, so unfortunately, they are accustomed to it.

I may get to hang out with them if any of my kids decide to do the temple thing. I guess that will give me a GREAT opportunity to apologize. Edit-edit: Come to think of it, it won't just be my kids. My nieces / nephews on that side of the family will be heading to the temple for marriage at any time; I'll likely get the opportunity to apologize then...


Edit: In-laws clarifications...

How have the in laws reacted to your disaffection so far?

[wtfluff]

Here's what really blows my mind now, looking in from the outside: My mormon bubble was so incredibly thick, that I never gave a second thought to my in-laws sitting out in the waiting room. My in-laws just took it in stride. They've missed 75% of their kid's actual wedding ceremonies, so unfortunately, they are accustomed to it.

I may get to hang out with them if any of my kids decide to do the temple thing. I guess that will give me a GREAT opportunity to apologize. Edit-edit: Come to think of it, it won't just be my kids. My nieces / nephews on that side of the family will be heading to the temple for marriage at any time; I'll likely get the opportunity to apologize then...


Edit: In-laws clarifications...

How have the in laws reacted to your disaffection so far?

My in-laws are believing jack-mormons, so my apostate-ness is not necessarily front page news, nor discussed openly...

[Not Buying It]

Joseph Smith's original policy was for weddings to be public events.

Well, that was true sometimes. He also had a policy of keeping most of his own weddings as secret as possible. The Church then continued to follow his policy of keeping most of his weddings as secret as possible.

[SeeNoEvil]

Love your story! My niece's wedding last October the same way. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was beautiful!

Thank you Hermey! It was the perfect day! Good to hear from you and glad you got the chance to be there for your niece on her special day. I miss you all! Say Hi to all my Harmonites.... One day I will return !!!!

So glad it was a good experience for you, and for your family! Will tell everyone you said hi. And so glad you escaped from "zion." Someday.....

There is life outside the MorCor and it is wonderful!!