Complicated = not simple

[Emower]

When I taught SS to the 16, 17, and 18 crowd I had a tag line. The gospel can be so simple I would say. Read your scriptures, say your prayers, go to church, and keep the commandments. You can get into some more complicated aspects of the gospel, but as far as what really mattered in this life, it was as simple as that. I could tell that this made an impression on a few of them because I would hear them incorporate my tagline in their testimonies. That made me feel good and effective.

Fast forward to my faith crisis. I thought, "the gospel is so simple, how are people leaving it?" So I researched and found out why. Then I thought, "that's ok, we can just have different beliefs. It will be simple. It will be ok."

As it turns out, nothing about this church and it's gospel and doctrine is simple. Every Sunday I come home a little bit more depressed than the week before. Every day that goes by is a day on a different path from loved ones. Every Sunday is a day confronting the giant billboard that says "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU." I am tired of confronting that sign. People tell me they want to support me, and I am grateful that I get that because a lot of you don't even get that. But the support stops when critical thinking is needed. "I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you," until I have to question support for the brethren, and then I will no longer walk and talk.

I love and hate this board. I love all you guys here who understand me and can give me support. But I hate that I have to retreat to a Internet chat board to get the support and validation that I need to face what life is becoming. I need to find a sustainable way of dealing with my frustrations.

I'm frustrated today. Like my wife says to the home teachers when the kids are cranky, "Sunday's are hard."

[Red Ryder]

It's simply not complicated. Joseph Smith is a true prophet!*

*Prophets sometimes do complicated things like translate gold plates with a rock in a hat, marry teenagers and other men's wives, say and teach racist doctrines, create adversaries out of doubters, sinners, and so called homosexuals. Past prophets can be right, wrong, short, tall, bearded, have dementia, or ear wigglers. They just can't be wrong right now!

Seriously though, it sounds like you need to take a break from church. At this stage of the game you're driving yourself crazy and a well planned absence is needed. Mentally, a faith crisis is exhausting and we become our own enemy while our thoughts torment us over and over again. How many mornings have you woke up and while standing naked in the shower have a random Joseph Smith thought pop into your head? Or some other point of doctrine you're working through with your new world view? It taxes your brain, kills your soul, and deletes from your existence opportunities to do better things with your time. Then if that's not enough, you listen to mormon podcasts, research mormon history, and continue to spin down deeper into the vortex of faithlessness. It's exhausting!

Someone once said it takes one month for every year of membership in the church to process and transition out. Do the math, then cut the time significantly by finding better things to do with your time. Mormonism steals time. Exmormonism steals time. It's simply too complicated to leave behind but the faster we do the better off we are.

[oliver_denom]

I think it's modern life that makes it complicated. We have the fortune / misfortune of living at the dawn of the information age, a time where all secrets are uncovered, and it's just plain difficult to believe in anything. It used to be simple. It was simple when you didn't have to reconcile nearly two hundred years of Mormon doctrine, which is supposed to be unchanging, but contradicts and changes all the time. All you had to do is live in the present, back when the future didn't arrive so quickly.

You can learn a lot about a person, or an organization, by watching how they behave in a crisis. When Joseph Smith's secrets were published for the world to see in the Expositor, he responded by slandering the messengers, denials, and destroying the printing press. The church ever since has followed his example, and it worked well for a time, but it's not so easy to scatter and destroy the internet, so they're only left with the other two.

It's difficult to work with an institution that won't repent of its sins. It's even more difficult when it compounds those sins through self deception and confusing evil for good. Until they can take responsibility for their own actions, its often better to stay anonymous, unless you can walk away clean. For me, I've given up hope that Mormonism will mature in my lifetime. They'll point their finger anywhere else but back at themselves. I've begin to see them as a drowning man who will cling onto anyone attempting a rescue and then drag them to the bottom as well. They'll have to get a lot smaller and lose a lot more people before being humble enough to actually listen.

[Mormorrisey]

Seriously though, it sounds like you need to take a break from church. At this stage of the game you're driving yourself crazy and a well planned absence is needed. Mentally, a faith crisis is exhausting and we become our own enemy while our thoughts torment us over and over again. How many mornings have you woke up and while standing naked in the shower have a random Joseph Smith thought pop into your head? Or some other point of doctrine you're working through with your new world view? It taxes your brain, kills your soul, and deletes from your existence opportunities to do better things with your time.

Some good advice here, if I could echo this, after reading your post - especially about how much time worrying takes. While I still get annoyed at some of the things said in church today, it was pretty mild annoyance and I barely looked up from reading a Stephen King novel on my phone to register my condescension. That made it a pretty good Sunday; Sister M was just happy I was there, even though she raised a Spockean eyebrow at my novel-reading, the statement "I'm staying out of trouble today" made her relieved somewhat to not give me a hard time. That's a good Sunday in my book. I'm not wasting another moment of anxiety on church-related topics, and that has made all the difference. But then again, ask me next week and I might be enraged; I reserve that right!

Just to add though, you're not wrong. The "gospel" is only simple if you don't think about it too much. Then it's complicated.

[Linked]

When I taught SS to the 16, 17, and 18 crowd I had a tag line. The gospel can be so simple I would say. Read your scriptures, say your prayers, go to church, and keep the commandments. You can get into some more complicated aspects of the gospel, but as far as what really mattered in this life, it was as simple as that. I could tell that this made an impression on a few of them because I would hear them incorporate my tagline in their testimonies. That made me feel good and effective.

Fast forward to my faith crisis. I thought, "the gospel is so simple, how are people leaving it?" So I researched and found out why. Then I thought, "that's ok, we can just have different beliefs. It will be simple. It will be ok."

As it turns out, nothing about this church and it's gospel and doctrine is simple.

I had a similar experience with simplicity/complexity while going through my beliefs transition. I was getting an MBA and in one of my classes we were talking about designing stuff. I was working as a design engineer at the time, so I thought it would be interesting to hear what this guy had to say about design. My main take away was that stuff is just way more complex than we think it is. He spoke of making lots of tables to make sure every angle of the product being designed was considered. I could see how mistakes in the engineering group I worked in could benefit from this. I also saw how much many of the church's arguments ignored the complexity of life and situations.

Almost nothing is as simple as it seems. It can be overwhelming. But recognizing it helps to navigate the complexity better. And there is a peace to be found in drowning in the complexity rather than denying it.

I'm sorry that things are hard right now. I hope that it turns around and that there are happy moments mixed in.

[MerrieMiss]

As it turns out, nothing about this church and it's gospel and doctrine is simple. Every Sunday I come home a little bit more depressed than the week before. Every day that goes by is a day on a different path from loved ones. Every Sunday is a day confronting the giant billboard that says "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU." I am tired of confronting that sign. People tell me they want to support me, and I am grateful that I get that because a lot of you don't even get that. But the support stops when critical thinking is needed. "I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you," until I have to question support for the brethren, and then I will no longer walk and talk.

Wow. Are we in the same ward?

I'm sorry. I don't have anything to help, but I feel for you; I'm feeling it right now. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Repeat this often. NOM does help me know that I'm not crazy. I'm glad you're here.

[RubinHighlander]

Sorry Emower, it does suck to think you have to log into the internet for any real validation of the crap you are going through. It's not as good as real human interaction, but as much as we can be digitally, we are here for you. And, if you can ever make a lunch in SLC, we'll buy you a beer and the best taco in town and put our arms around you in the flesh.

I too went through the mental gymnastics of the simple vs. the complex. I had many things on my shelf and the only way I could deal with them sometimes was to just dummy everything down to the basics. Ultimately I knew I was just burying my head in the sand. At times I'd get ticked off, sitting in the meetings where ejumacated folks would talk correlated church history or other doctrinal topics. It's like I came to a crossroads that if it could not be the pure Christ-oriented parables and topics, all the other deeper crap was just fluff and annoying. As I learned true church history it really started to annoy me because it felt that anything that anyone said or taught in GD was total BS, which it was.

[Brent]

Occam's razor.

Simplicity is usually truth.

Latter-day Saints want a complicated system they can game.

Simplicity is anathema.

[Emower]

Thanks for the support.

Seriously though, it sounds like you need to take a break from church. At this stage of the game you're driving yourself crazy and a well planned absence is needed.

I think you are right. The baby just started nursery, so right now is a great time for that.

I also saw how much many of the church's arguments ignored the complexity of life and situations.

It is amazing that nobody, including me, looks more than skin deep at the issues that mormonism completely fails to address. And they turn it right around and say that I am the one only looking at it skin deep. Maddening.

Sorry Emower, it does suck to think you have to log into the internet for any real validation of the crap you are going through. It's not as good as real human interaction, but as much as we can be digitally, we are here for you. And, if you can ever make a lunch in SLC, we'll buy you a beer and the best taco in town and put our arms around you in the flesh.

Thanks Rubin. I do have to shout out to the Phoenix NOMs, they have been great and have helped me out quite a bit. It feels great getting together with people who understand. I have had more meaningful laughs with those guys than I have ever had before.

Wow. Are we in the same ward?

I'm sorry. I don't have anything to help, but I feel for you; I'm feeling it right now. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Repeat this often. NOM does help me know that I'm not crazy. I'm glad you're here.

I wish! I would love to meet you! Thanks for the support.

[SeeNoEvil]

When I taught SS to the 16, 17, and 18 crowd I had a tag line. The gospel can be so simple I would say. Read your scriptures, say your prayers, go to church, and keep the commandments. You can get into some more complicated aspects of the gospel, but as far as what really mattered in this life, it was as simple as that. I could tell that this made an impression on a few of them because I would hear them incorporate my tagline in their testimonies. That made me feel good and effective.

Fast forward to my faith crisis. I thought, "the gospel is so simple, how are people leaving it?" So I researched and found out why. Then I thought, "that's ok, we can just have different beliefs. It will be simple. It will be ok."

As it turns out, nothing about this church and it's gospel and doctrine is simple. Every Sunday I come home a little bit more depressed than the week before. Every day that goes by is a day on a different path from loved ones. Every Sunday is a day confronting the giant billboard that says "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU." I am tired of confronting that sign. People tell me they want to support me, and I am grateful that I get that because a lot of you don't even get that. But the support stops when critical thinking is needed. "I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you," until I have to question support for the brethren, and then I will no longer walk and talk.

I love and hate this board. I love all you guys here who understand me and can give me support. But I hate that I have to retreat to a Internet chat board to get the support and validation that I need to face what life is becoming. I need to find a sustainable way of dealing with my frustrations.

I'm frustrated today. Like my wife says to the home teachers when the kids are cranky, "Sunday's are hard."

Emower, Beautiful. Powerful. Painful. ... well said. I used to say sitting in church was like sitting in a sound proof dome. Inside the dome I was screaming while the mormons hustled and bustled about outside the dome with not one hearing the screaming. I thought I would go mad. I eventually found little ways to eliminate some of the craziness of Sundays. Finding ways to make your life less Mormon might help the frustration you are feeling in finding your new normal until you can safely move on to the next step.