Yo Mamma Is So Pioneer...

[Red Ryder]

With a TBM spouse, some battles are won and some battles are lost. Unfortunately my kids suffer the most from this lost battle and they get to be pioneer style collateral damage while walking through the woods re-enacting travel from the year 1847!

So in light of their TBM induced struggles I thought it would be appropriate to play "Yo Mamma is sooooo pioneer...

Yo Mamma is so pioneer she wears polygamy panties to the beach!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer she cooks and cleans in the woods!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer her babies are born pulling handcarts out of her womb!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer she styles her hair to look like a bonnet!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer she weds Joseph Smith while her husband is on a mission!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer you were conceived in the back of a hand cart somewhere in Nebraska!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer her tan lines start at the wrist!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer she goes to Zumba to push and pull, push and pull, push and pull.
Yo Mamma is so pioneer Brigham Young could be your daddy!

[Corsair]

Do you have children being conscripted into a stake pioneer trek this summer? My stake did it last year. While it was well organized and had some genuinely interesting moments, I don't think it was quite the transformative experience that was hoped. Some "Yo Mama" jokes might have helped.

Yo Mamma is so pioneer she put a bumper sticker on her minivan: "My other vehicle is a handcart"!
Yo Mamma is so pioneer she had the prophet as a bishop back in the day!

[MalcolmVillager]

RR you rock. A few years ago we did feel at The actual Martin's Cove. I really enjoyed it. It was fun to camp and to not be at my desk job. We had good company and good food. The weather was great (nobody died of heat stroke like they have for other groups since).

That was be for the FC hit. I am not sure I could do it now. They would likely kick me out because I can't seem to keep my mouth shut and all the Mormon myths would be hard to not refute.

For example we spoke of the boys who gained celestial glory for helping everyome cross the Sweetwater (which I actually baptised my DD in while on trek). It turns out (surprise surprise) that it was greatly exaggerated. The boys didn't help most cross. None of them died of exposure in the immediate months or years (unless you count tuberculosis decades later). And most sadly of all, it turns out, none of them made it to heaven. They are just rotting/ worm food with the rest of the dead pioneers.

I wish I would have used the official packing list for trek rather than ths modern, extra Mormon list we got from the stake. I could have used some coffee, tea, and whiskey on the prairie!

[Hagoth]

Yo mama is so pioneer she calls you and your siblings her "17 Miracles."

[Hagoth]

Yo daddy is so pioneer he keeps seagulls around for pest control.
Yo daddy is so pioneer he yells "this is the place!" at the "moment of conception."
Yo daddy is so pioneer his speedometer goes from zero to Ox.
Yo daddy is so pioneer he thinks Missouri is a retirement plan.

[Charlotte]

Yo daddy is so pioneer he thinks Missouri is a retirement plan.

Hits a little too close to home!