2nd Family Gathering Since Opening up About Beliefs

[Linked]

I recently told my family that I don't believe in the church and that I am basically some form of agnostic. Today was the second family get together since telling them. The first was pretty awkward, but this one was close to normal.

One of my brothers lives in a Utah county city that had a law against businesses being open on Sunday until recently when Walmart came knocking. Apparently there were some intense debates among the citizens on the subject at the time. It sounds like there were TBMs on both sides, some for forcing the blessings of Sabbath observance on people, and some for allowing people to choose.

My brother argued that to most of the community the blessings of sabbath observance are far more valuable than the profits you could earn by being open an extra day a week, and that we live in a society where the majority vote imposes its moral values on all by voting things into law. I argued that it isn't right to force your morals on others. It was a passionate but respectful discussion and I am so happy that we were able to have it. I probably made my brother look like a jerk, but he is a kind and thoughtful man and I am really glad my change in beliefs hasn't hurt his willingness to discuss stuff like this with me. I love NOM, but like we've discussed it can be an echo chamber.

Somehow the way the church puts attendance requirements on its help for those in need came up. I mentioned that it bothers me that they give with an ulterior motive. My brother responded that for TBMs getting people to church is the main motive and helping a person who is struggling temporally is the ulterior motive. Because they believe that what will really help a family is for them to become TBM. Because that's the way to get the windows of heaven to open, and to get eternal happiness, and with the infinity of eternal happiness on any one side of an equation it dwarfs anything else, so the logic makes sense. I forgot how to think this way. It shouldn't be legal to claim that you have rules that if followed are rewarded with infinity, it makes for crazy logic.

[rosebud]

Somehow the way the church puts attendance requirements on its help for those in need came up. I mentioned that it bothers me that they give with an ulterior motive. My brother responded that for TBMs getting people to church is the main motive and helping a person who is struggling temporally is the ulterior motive. Because they believe that what will really help a family is for them to become TBM. Because that's the way to get the windows of heaven to open, and to get eternal happiness, and with the infinity of eternal happiness on any one side of an equation it dwarfs anything else, so the logic makes sense. I forgot how to think this way. It shouldn't be legal to claim that you have rules that if followed are rewarded with infinity, it makes for crazy logic.

I like how you said that you forgot how to think that way. The whole experience of leaving this belief system really does feel like "waking up" or "taking off our Mormon glasses." There are so many ways to serve and help and live that some of the ways I use to think about things feel very narrow minded now.

I am happy for you that you had a better experience with your family this time. Time can really heal. I an newly out to family as well (adults not kids, and not ward yet) and it has been bumpy but we are getting there.

[SeeNoEvil]

Linked I am glad things turned out well at your gathering. I face a similar situation this coming weekend. I have not seen many of these family members in 2 or 3 years or more but they all know I no longer attend. I don't think they all know I left. I lay awake at night worrying what this day is going to bring. Hearing of your "reunion" gives me hope for the same.

[redjay]

getting people to church is the main motive and helping a person who is struggling temporally is the ulterior motive.

It's all a bit one sided to me: when you give to the church it has to be with no strings attached but when the church gives there are conditions that apply.

I'm not saying the church should be an open check book for the entire world - but for diligent members, do we really need to make them jump through hoops? This has never sat right with me even as a TBM.

[Linked]

I like how you said that you forgot how to think that way. The whole experience of leaving this belief system really does feel like "waking up" or "taking off our Mormon glasses." There are so many ways to serve and help and live that some of the ways I use to think about things feel very narrow minded now.

I am happy for you that you had a better experience with your family this time. Time can really heal. I an newly out to family as well (adults not kids, and not ward yet) and it has been bumpy but we are getting there.

It really is a huge paradigm shift. Like, the hugest. 6 years ago I would have said the exact same thing my brother said, but now I can't even remember what it was to feel that way.

Thanks, it has made me really hopeful for this situation. The past few years have bounced between living hell and moderately depressing, and I am finally seeing some real rays of hope. I woke up happier today than I have in years. I didn't realize the toll it has taken on my mood to be hiding and worried about losing everything until I found some hope that it may be ok.

I am also out to adults only, I told them they are welcome to talk about it with their kids if they want to, that it's their decision. So I really don't know if the kids know. I've only told my bishop in my ward, but who knows who he tells.

I hope the ride ends well for both of us!!

[Linked]

Linked I am glad things turned out well at your gathering. I face a similar situation this coming weekend. I have not seen many of these family members in 2 or 3 years or more but they all know I no longer attend. I don't think they all know I left. I lay awake at night worrying what this day is going to bring. Hearing of your "reunion" gives me hope for the same.

Good luck this weekend, I hope it goes well!

[Korihor]

Congrats Linked. Don't give up hope, neither for yourself or Mrs Linked.
IMHO - I see the wheels churning towards your benefit, but it's really hard to see it when you're in the middle of it.

I love these updates.