What am I supposed to say when they are manipulating my children right in front of me?

[DPRoberts]

As I start to walk over, a lady I don't even remember, reached out to garment check my shoulder by rubbing it. I will forever leave the house in a tank top as this is the 3rd time this has happened in the last couple of months. I seriously don't get it, don't touch me.

WTF? This is a thing that exists?

I thought the same thing. And to garment checked three times.
Do men get garment checked?

BIL did it to me last summer. Pat on the neck and shoulder.

[Dravin]

BIL did it to me last summer. Pat on the neck and shoulder.

The two handed handshake with the free hand on the upper arm is also a classic. A picture for those having a problem picturing it from my short description. It's quite subtle as it's something that genuinely happens as part of handshakes and isn't solely done as a garment check, the big clue is when you can feel the hand searching for the sleeve hem on the off chance they misjudged where exactly on your arm to put their hand. That someone who never shakes your hand that way does so after some member of the ward catches you in non-garment compatible clothing without an obvious excuse via one of the standard exceptions also makes one wonder if they're trying to substantiate the ward rumor mill.

[Lady_Macbeth]

Thank you so much for the responses! I think below is exactly what I'm going to have ready to say when my children are with me:

If you wish to invite them somewhere you need to discussed it with me, not them

All invitations for our children need to come through the parents first. It's a family policy we've decided upon. In the future, please run it by me or my husband first.

As far as resigning - although I believe none of it, DH still does. I won't resign until he is ready to do so with me. The more they mess with the kids, though, the closer he'll get to being ready.

How do you feel about resigning? I have always said that I will not resign as I still claim my Mormonism in my own way, but if people do not respect my boundaries I set with children, that is when I will resign.

What are you supposed to say?

If I can channel my best Merrie Miss ---- F#ck Off

HA! I wish I could - so many times, I wish I could.


As far as the garment checks, 2/3 times is from TWO people that I don't even know. Somehow, me living in their ward boundary gives them permission to touch and feel me...

Or stand and talk to someone, put the hand on about the place the cap sleeve would fall and rub the hand on the arm while conversing.

^this . every . time...



This was how I left to run errands today. Apparently the three earrings haven't been enough so I must resort to more drastic measures.

[Enoch Witty]

This was how I left to run errands today. Apparently the three earrings haven't been enough so I must resort to more drastic measures.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where's the NSFW tag???

[crossmyheart]

I have always viewed "extra curricular activities" like activity days, scouts, and any YM/YW activities during the week as purely optional. With that in mind, maybe saying something like, "the activities of the church are there to support me as a parent as I think best for raising my children; it's not my duty to support the activities of the church just because you think we "should" go."

I love this one. I think I am going to use it.

[Give It Time]

I have always viewed "extra curricular activities" like activity days, scouts, and any YM/YW activities during the week as purely optional. With that in mind, maybe saying something like, "the activities of the church are there to support me as a parent as I think best for raising my children; it's not my duty to support the activities of the church just because you think we "should" go."

I love this one. I think I am going to use it.

I've always been that way, myself. Outside of basic meetings, the rest is extra.

[Ho Lee Turtle]

I have always viewed "extra curricular activities" like activity days, scouts, and any YM/YW activities during the week as purely optional. With that in mind, maybe saying something like, "the activities of the church are there to support me as a parent as I think best for raising my children; it's not my duty to support the activities of the church just because you think we "should" go."

I love this one. I think I am going to use it.

Please do, and if any TBM tries to question the concept, just share this counsel from Elder James E. Faust's Oct 1997 General Conference address:

"Many years ago when I was a bishop, a conscientious father came to me for counsel. He felt that the many and frequent activities of the Church made it difficult to have as much family togetherness as he and his wife deemed necessary. The children had the idea that they were not loyal to the Church if they did not participate fully in every recreational activity. I told this caring father that Church activities were to help him and his wife rear their children. They as parents had not only the right but the duty to determine the extent of their family’s involvement in social activities. Family unity, solidarity, and harmony should be preserved. After all, a family is the basic, permanent unit of the Church." (From the talk titled "The Weightier Matters of the Law:Judgment, Mercy, and Faith")

[Give It Time]

I have always viewed "extra curricular activities" like activity days, scouts, and any YM/YW activities during the week as purely optional. With that in mind, maybe saying something like, "the activities of the church are there to support me as a parent as I think best for raising my children; it's not my duty to support the activities of the church just because you think we "should" go."

I love this one. I think I am going to use it.

Please do, and if any TBM tries to question the concept, just share this counsel from Elder James E. Faust's Oct 1997 General Conference address:

"Many years ago when I was a bishop, a conscientious father came to me for counsel. He felt that the many and frequent activities of the Church made it difficult to have as much family togetherness as he and his wife deemed necessary. The children had the idea that they were not loyal to the Church if they did not participate fully in every recreational activity. I told this caring father that Church activities were to help him and his wife rear their children. They as parents had not only the right but the duty to determine the extent of their family’s involvement in social activities. Family unity, solidarity, and harmony should be preserved. After all, a family is the basic, permanent unit of the Church." (From the talk titled "The Weightier Matters of the Law:Judgment, Mercy, and Faith")

This is really good. I once bore my testimony and said almost the same thing Elder Bednar said in his statement about being welcoming to our gay brothers and sisters. Except I said it without putting my foot in my mouth. After that testimony, it's as if I developed leprosy. Bednar! If he's not safe to align with in a testimony, who is?

To my point, I think this is an excellent statement and I'll bet there are quotes from all kinds of GAs that could support things like being kind or welcoming or not divorcing your spouse over the church, etc. I think we could make our own pass along cards to give out to any members who think we aren't behaving the way they think we should. Just a little reminder that there is room for us in the tent.

[2bizE]

Thank you so much for the responses! I think below is exactly what I'm going to have ready to say when my children are with me:

If you wish to invite them somewhere you need to discussed it with me, not them

All invitations for our children need to come through the parents first. It's a family policy we've decided upon. In the future, please run it by me or my husband first.

As far as resigning - although I believe none of it, DH still does. I won't resign until he is ready to do so with me. The more they mess with the kids, though, the closer he'll get to being ready.

How do you feel about resigning? I have always said that I will not resign as I still claim my Mormonism in my own way, but if people do not respect my boundaries I set with children, that is when I will resign.

What are you supposed to say?

If I can channel my best Merrie Miss ---- F#ck Off

HA! I wish I could - so many times, I wish I could.


As far as the garment checks, 2/3 times is from TWO people that I don't even know. Somehow, me living in their ward boundary gives them permission to touch and feel me...

Or stand and talk to someone, put the hand on about the place the cap sleeve would fall and rub the hand on the arm while conversing.

^this . every . time...



This was how I left to run errands today. Apparently the three earrings haven't been enough so I must resort to more drastic measures.

Oh no. Trigger. Those porn shoulders just pushed me over the edge. I guess I'm headed back to my therapist.