Visited a Christian Church for the first time.

[Meilingkie]

In January my boss finally relented and ordered reinforcement to be hired for me at work.
So they hired a lady, a former Pharmacist-Assistant. 42 years old.
A handsome lady I must say, very svelte and one who carried herself very poised and delicate.
Truly enchanting.

Well it took a month of training till she was let loose on my department.
Was it a success, not really, after 3 weeks she was deeply unhappy and I was still buried in work, and unable to teach her.
Making 60hr weeks and still it didn´t help. Still, she was enchanting to say the least.
We really have a spark, and we spoke after hours about a great many things.
The way she dressed told me she had a Dutch Reformed background, her speech gave away her heritage.
She was born 6 miles from my birthplace. Married, with 2 kids closely resembled my family.
We even got married in the same month/year. Quite extraordinary.

One day, after my broadcast with John Dehlin she told me she had watched it, and it triggered all manner of emotions for her.
She had had her own faithcrisis in the Dutch Reformed Church.
Almost lost her husband as a result, and in the end joined an Evangelical Church where her kids´ classmates attended.
Her husband actually found it, and liked it.
Sounds familiar doesn´t it?
Well, people in the office noticed it as well, and gossip goes fast.
So are we a couple? No, but I can´t rule it out from happening.
Got to be honest, my marriage is faltering.
She´s enchanting.

Then again, she´s been on sick-leave for 6 weeks now after a carcrash.
Still, we have daily contact on whatsapp. Sending messages back and forth, about whats for dinner, the Gospel, The Church(R), and her Church.
Both our experiences. Everything.
Yes I find I am having feelings and emotions I never thought I had.
So strong, so powerful.

Today, on a whim I decided to attend her church, a very small and quaint little Church hidden in a suburb of Rotterdam.
She was sick at home, but I met her husband and kids. Such sweet people.
The meeting was great, really nice people, no-one was pushy, everyone was welcomed.
People asked who I was, and why I attended, why I cried.
A powerful sermon/lesson was given and I felt so terrible about how judgmental I had been in my years as HC-member and while being in the Bishopric.
A man, almost 7ft took me, and hugged me, trying to keep me from sobbing uncontrollably.
Then after the service the hubby of my colleague (I sat in front of him) joined us, and we talked.
He already knew of my feelings for his wife, and said he could understand why I was feeling this.
And we made an appointment to visit again.
So next Thursday we will have a BBQ, with the 2 families at the Church and join the service for Ascension-Day afterwards.
DW didn´t object at all, all she asked was. "Get our DD to attend as well, which will be a challenge"

Just a small church, with people walking around on Crocs, with girls in hotpants, boys with earrings.
No suits, no white shirts, no shaming, pure love.
A man in Primary with tattoos and a beard and a jeans with the contemporary holes.

Unbelievable.
Just unbelievable.

[StarbucksMom]

Ummm...sorry fo say this. But reading your post, and others like it in the past talking about attractive women is very offensive. You are married. Your are having an emotional affair, hoping it will turn into more. She is married, with kids, and you had the nerve to talk to her husband, knowing full well you are thinking about her romantically?? I feel bad for your wife. If it's that bad that you are already in a relationship with and fantasizing about someone else, then get help for your marriage or do the honest thing and get out.

[Meilingkie]

I can be too honest here.
Sorry for that.

But honesty is the best policy, or so they say.

DW knows we are talking, are close.
And as to what I want, hope.
Well I wish things were better at home.
Start right there, 19 years now.
For now, they are not, for now I hope we can Work things out.

And I hope coworker loses interest too.
It does go both ways unfortunately.
Her marriage has seen better days too.

As for the Church, refreshing

[Meilingkie]

I can be too honest here.
Sorry for that.

But honesty is the best policy, or so they say.

DW knows we are talking, are close.
And as to what I want, hope.
Well I wish things were better at home.
Start right there, 19 years now.
For now, they are not, for now I hope we can Work things out.

And I hope coworker loses interest too.
It does go both ways unfortunately.
Her marriage has seen better days too.

As for the Church, refreshing

[redjay]

I wold just say be careful your drive for change, as a response to being suppressed by a belief system, does not over-step its bounds.

Try not to prove the blinkered TBMs right who would easily say 'look he leaves the church and his life descends into a freefall'

If your marriage is a little worth saving it's absolutely worth saving

[Grace2Daisy]

I wold just say be careful your drive for change, as a response to being suppressed by a belief system, does not over-step its bounds.

This is excellent advice, with regards to your marriage and relationship. Stepping away from the church after years of practice can be difficult at best, so make certain you are not folding a step away from the church and a new relationship into one package.

That being said, and not knowing your home situation, I can tell you making a life change you are suggesting is pretty scary. But, you know what's scarier? Regret.

[Give It Time]

Aw, Melingkie!

I'll just come out and say it.

I like your wife. I like her blunt and frank way of putting arrogant church leaders and intrusive members in their respective places.

I would miss those stories.

I would still talk to you, but I would miss those stories.

[Korihor]

It seems the comments are more directed at a perceived wavering in Melingkie's marriage than the subject of visiting a Christian chruch.

I'll touch on both briefly. 1st, congrats for a good experience at a local christian church. It is a different experience than the LDS routine, but I find the people to be very genuine, happy and just plain fun. Regardless of where you end up, if you attend any church, I hope you find enjoyment and fulfillment in church patronage.

2nd Regarding some of the comments here about perceptions in your marriage, I would echo others sentiments of exercising caution.
At the same time, I understand that when a marriage relationship is strained, an individual still wants emotional connection when they don't get it at home. I think for some people, a little interaction with an outsider can rekindle a spark with your partner. This can be dangerous ground and easily switch from "good friends" to an actual intimate relationship. But if your little flirt reminds you to fix things at home (one way or another), then no harm done and just use it as motivation to repair things with Mrs Melingkie.

My congratulations and support for the changes happening in your life. It can be a roller coaster of emotions and events and I wish the best for you and your wonderful family.

[SeeNoEvil]

Experiencing a church other than Mormon for the first time is indeed eye opening and refreshing. You are lucky to have experience this.
I remember the first time I attended a local Christian church. I was in total awe over the beauty of the entire service, its people and the message of acceptance of all.

....I would echo others sentiments of exercising caution.
At the same time, I understand that when a marriage relationship is strained, an individual still wants emotional connection when they don't get it at home. I think for some people, a little interaction with an outsider can rekindle a spark with your partner. This can be dangerous ground and easily switch from "good friends" to an actual intimate relationship. But if your little flirt reminds you to fix things at home (one way or another), then no harm done and just use it as motivation to repair things with Mrs Melingkie.

I appreciate your honesty Melingkie. I know you came here for support because you feel comfortable with the NOM family and shared something that has been weighing on your heart. I agree much with Korihor's advice. A struggling marriage creates a vulnerable partner. No one among us is exempt. We are vulnerable when we find our marriages in trouble or just gone stale. It is easy to fall off the marriage boat when words from a beautiful woman bring that excitement back we lost so long ago, make us feel handsome, young and important .... and suddenly we matter more than before to someone new. And we find ourselves making decisions we would normally never consider. I don't know what's going on in your marriage and I'm not here to judge. But what I do hope is that you take a big step back from this woman before it goes to far. Take an honest, good look at the situation. Ask those critical questions. I don't have to remind you that if you go down this other path you are thinking about the stakes are high and the ending is seldom good. Please be careful not to be taken in by someone who is new and exciting. Work on your family and the relationship with your wife. You owe it to yourself and everyone involved. I just want the best for you Melingke.

[moksha]

Meilingkie, so many issues going on here. I am not in the position to give advice other than to say I am glad you are doing well and have active interests in many subjects.

The last time I attended a non-LDS Church was in the summer time and casual dress was worn by both men and women. The emphasis was placed on an inspirational sermon and camaraderie.

Okay, I fibbed. I will give advice. Remember, while the grass sometimes seems greener in another pasture, that is due to a refraction of light rather than better growing conditions. Moderation in all things including moderation. If someone says, "press your tulips to mine" they may or may not be talking about cross-hybridization.

[Can of Worms]

It sounds like your experience at the church was very powerful - and understandable given all you have endured over the past few years and especially recently. It is a relief after such an emotionally draining time to find someone who has some understanding of what you have been through and who can sympathize with your situation.

But, I think you are getting some really good advice from your NOM family. Perhaps we are misreading the intent of your posting - but objectively, it is not about your experience at the other church. My advice echos what has already been said: be very careful, thoughtful and slow down. Most importantly - there are two families at risk. Secondly, your reputation within the LDS community will be tarnished and all that you have sacrificed to bring to issues to light will be dismissed with a simple "he left because he wanted to sin". And lastly, this could impact your employment or at least your standing with your peers. I don't know what the laws are in the Netherlands, or whether your employer has restrictions on relationships with co-workers but there could be issues on this front as well.

I think your desire to find a new spiritual home is very important - perhaps try some other congregations as well?

Peace to you -

[tryingtogetitright]

Is is beneath you to act like you are acting. If your marriage is done, then get out of it. Don't cheapen everything you have had by cheating on the wife you still claim.

And thinking romantically with a new hire married woman you are supposed to train at work is a complete recipe for disaster and losing your job. Please just do not go there, no matter how enchanting she is, no matter how nice her church feels.

And do not think of socializing with this woman with your wife because that is simple sick and a really awful thing to do to your wife (she'll eventually find out and that will be even worse, unless she is into wife swapping).