Come back

[mossy back]

First of all when I found the new NOM, I decided to change my user name. I was NoMore2004 on the old NOM. I really did not post much so I am pretty sure no one here even can remember me. When I went to change my user name, I wanted something catchy, something cool. Unfortunately I am not that creative and mossy back came to mind. I am in Western Washington, so I thought why not. The problem is that after I chose that name, I have a nagging feeling that mossy back was used by someone else on the old NOM. If so, I am so sorry!

The Reader's Digest version of my story is that in 97' I chose to become in effect, a NOM due to being burned out. Trying, with no success, to fit in at church. No sin, no one hurt my feelings. I still attended but gave up all my callings. Over the next few years, I studied my way out of the church. I cleaned the chapel now and then and then became totally inactive. So I am physically and mentally out. I have not resigned yet, although my resignation letter is on my hard drive waiting for the appropriate time to be launched.

I have been fortunate enough to work at the same place with basicaly the same people for 26 years. Many of my co-workers have known me as an practicing mormon. (in a work place that has a lot of colorful language, I feel that I probably sounded like Napoleon Dynamite to them) And now most know that I have quit the church, I even think I have been a little too out spoken about the church at times.

Last week two of my coworkers who are believing, active members and I happened to meet in the hallway and began to talk. 'Looks like we have a quorum!' is the way the conversation started. Both of them are active in scouts and YM and I asked how that was going, etc. Of course I have nothing going on with the church and they inquired if I was still inactive. I said that yes, I have essentially quit. They asked when I was going to come back.

My response was to shake my head and say that I was not coming back. Some awkward silence ensued and then we went our separate ways.

These are good guys, I like them and respect what they do in the church. I do not want to mess with their testimonies. If the church fulfills their spiritual needs, so be it.

But I have to tell you, once, just once, I want to ask a believing member some serious questions about the church: Are you okay with JS really being a polygamist? Do you know how we came to receive the Pearl of Great Price? Do you know about the seer stone? Are you really okay with the answers to these questions that you read in the Essays? It is so frustrating to me that members cannot see this.

Then I realize, I was there once. I spent two years of my life telling people that JS really did not want to practice polygamy. He only had one wife. The PofGP was translated from Egyptian papyri. The BoM came to us via the Urim and Thumim/Gold Plates.

So no, I am not going back, ever, because of the issues mentioned and many more. I have been out for some time now and it is frustrating that when I believed, I had to defend the church. Now that I don't believe, I have to defend my disbelief.

For me, I am trying to figure out how to live with the fact that I was a believing member for 39 years of my life and now I am not. How does a person just cast aside a major part of their life?

[Give It Time]

The same way a woman divorces an abusive spouse after decades of marriage.

The same way a child leaves behind a molesting uncle.

You just realize the cost of maintaining the relationship in it's current form is too high.

Then, you just do it.

Day after day, you just move forward.

[Mad Jax]

How does a person just cast aside a major part of their life?

I guess all I can say is that if you feel it's right, then you do it.

You'll find something to fulfill your life. I can't say what, because I'm not you, but if you don't give up trying, you'll find some way to fill that need. And I might dare say you'll probably feel more fulfilled because you chose that purpose.

[vankimber]

This is how:

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”


― Walt Whitman

[crossmyheart]

This is how:

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”


― Walt Whitman

+1 -cant say it any better.