Meeting the Neighbors – Advice Please!

[MerrieMiss]

We’re moving and I would like to use the opportunity to expand my social circle beyond Mormonism, beginning with my neighborhood. This is not only for myself, but for my kids too. I not only want them to know people in the neighborhood, but I want them to see (modeled by my husband and me) good social connections, neighborliness, etc. One of my parents was a misanthrope and the other lacked social boundaries so I don't feel like I have very good models to look to.

I’m naturally introverted so I find meeting people, chatting, and mingling uncomfortable – the initial stages of socializing are difficult. When we moved into our last home, the neighborhood itself was never particularly friendly, but I don’t think my husband and I helped matters much. We didn't have kids, we were both working a lot and kept to ourselves. Also, I remember when one of our nicer neighbors brought over a beer to talk with my husband, who declined to drink, I realized that there was some kind of social protocol that we weren’t partaking in.

Anyway, I’m just wondering how to meet the new neighbors, and maybe how to mitigate the awkwardness of being non-alcohol, non-coffee drinkers and being neighborly as well. I can decline drinks politely, but I never have anything to offer. Should I have herbal tea or cokes or lemonade or something, or am I thinking through this too much? Do I reach out to them, or are they supposed to reach out to me? How long do I wait until making contact? I have no idea how this is done, so any advice is appreciated.

[Lithium Sunset]

This is very contingent on your particular street/neighborhood. Some streets are like a ghost town no matter what you do. People drive straight into their garage and don't get out of the car until the door is closed behind them.
I am not so great with adults so I'll just try to help with the kids. The beer/wine divide is very real for some reason. I have always felt like I was looked down on because of it. I just let is slide. Probably overthinking offering lemonade because that is not going to replace their beer haha.

I don't know what your children's ages are so if they are teenagers then throw my advice out the window.
If they are middle school or under, my advice is to be out in the front yard with them. Grab the cooler filled with juice boxes and popsicles, set up the slip and slide, and invite ever kid you see- tell them to grab a towel and join you. You can even pull the grill out front and make hotdogs to share. We had one of those giant blow up slides and the kids would spend hours on it. As the kids come over the adults will wander over too.
Sometimes just even playing basketball with your kids and talking to any kids that come by and inviting them to play helps.
All my neighborhood kids (with the exception of one and that's a story not to share) feel comfortable grabbing up a barstool and talking to me even if my kids are not around, and I can have a well enough causal conversation with all the parents.

[2bizE]

When I lived outside of the kingdom of Zion, one of my favorite holidays was Halloween. Our neighbors would sit outside at the end of the driveway with a big bucket of candy and a big bucket of beer. Families would walk around and get candy or beer. It was a great social event. The church members liked the anti-social method called trunk o treat where they would not interact with non members. Don't do that. Be social. Be yourself. Be fun and friendly. Don't bring up religion....
I really like the grilling idea in your front yard. Invite people walking in the evening for a hot dog and a coke.

[Nonny]

I have found that if you wait for the neighbors to become acquainted with you, you will be waiting a long time, at least in some neighborhoods. Going to community meetings is one way to meet people, like HOA meetings or PTA. Be bold and introduce yourself. Walk around the neighborhood with the kids or dog and say hello to people out doing yard work. It gives you a good place to start a conversation, yard work, the weather and such.

[SeeNoEvil]

I moved in to my new neighborhood about a year ago. I was coming from Provo. I was fortunate to have some amazing neighbors who immediately threw a party to welcome me. What a great bunch of people! I now live in wine country so there was lots of wine for everyone but I noticed a few who didn't drink brought their own non alcoholic drinks and some to share. The best part was not a single person talked about religion the whole 3 hours we were there! Ask around and see if their is a neighborhood FB or email system. I got on a neighbor group email which has really made me feel a part of my new community. A great way to meet people is to go where the people are. Check out classes, groups, meetings, volunteering and such in the area.If your neighbors don't step forward then you might have to make the first step. You mentioned that you tend to be an introvert which I personally get. If a big party is hard for you do something small. It doesn't have to be anything big. I like the BBQ on the front lawn idea! I have actually had a neighbor bring over carrot cake she made! We chatted a bit on our front porch ... again no mention of church! Good luck with your move... how exciting!!!

[Korihor]

Regarding the lack of alcohol participation, I would say something like "I've been sober for 10 years".

This way it quickly diffuses any pressure to drink and does so in a non-threatening non-judgemental manner.

How to make friends with your neighbors? - Be the friend you would like to have.

[MerrieMiss]

I appreciate everyone's responses. I don't want to be overly friendly, but I want to be open to meeting new people. I find it difficult. I'll let you all know how it goes. Thanks!

[Enoch Witty]

MerrieMiss, I don't have any advice for you, because I am similarly introverted, but we are also moving this month and I would also like to establish good relations with the neighbors. Best of luck to you, and I hope we are moving to the same street, as unlikely as that is.

[tryingtogetitright]

If you were the ones living in a neighborhood, I would suggest taking dinner or cookies and milk over while they are physically moving in, and offer to help unpack the kitchen or something, and give them a list of service providers (day cares, handyman, lawn care, plumbers, or maybe just a list of neighborhood babysitters and teens willing to mow lawns or help clean up or gardening.

Since you are the one moving in, a couple of weeks after you move in, just bake some cookies or little loaves of bread, and take them around. Just introduce yourselves and give them your phone number and names on a card and ask them to call you if they see your kids or your dogs where they shouldn't be, or have some other concern, or just want to tell you about their day. If you hit it off with a few, then in a couple of weeks, invite some over for movie night or maybe just desert.