What do the LDS Church and United Airlines have in common?

[Give It Time]

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So, being in denial is a form of not caring, or rather shutting off the caring for the other person by blaming them or minimizing the problem. They shut off their caring because they can't or won't go through the pain it would take to put themselves in my shoes. But they lack the skills to do anything else.

Perhaps a better way to phrase it is they don't care as much or it isn't as important to them. However, if I view it that they are in denial, I am more likely to evangelise to them. When, in actuality, unless they come to me seeking my input I've found they really don't want to hear what I have to say. Yes, it hurts. But, believe it or not, saying they don't care means I can peacefully release the situation. It's more of a a shorthand mantra. It's not about thinking they're terrible. It's about letting them be.

[alas]

I like that. Saying they don't care, lets you not care in return and you can let it go. Now, if they did care and just not understand, then you could teach them. But, no, because they don't want to learn.

I think my saying they are in denial is my way of letting it go, because you simply cannot educate someone in denial. Been there, done that, failed to get through to them. But saying that they did the best they were capable of, says it was not their fault, so I don't have to be angry. I was quite a bit younger when I tried getting help with my father's abuse. Little more than a teenager. And the people who were supposed to help, hurt me a second time, and saying they didn't care told me that I was not worth caring about, because I was too young to see it any other way. But saying that the problem was just too big for them, the same way it was too big for me, lets me let it go without any anger.

I learned counseling rape victims that there is no shaking people out of denial. See, after the initial trauma, 99.9% of victims just want their life back and the only way to do that is pretend it didn't bother them. So, denial of any effects they might have to deal with by actually showing up at counseling two days later. If I called them to remind them they had an appointment, they got angry because I was trying to break them out of the safe denial. Ten or fifteen years after the rape is when they would come in for counseling after learning denial doesn't work.

[Give It Time]

I like that. Saying they don't care, lets you not care in return and you can let it go. Now, if they did care and just not understand, then you could teach them. But, no, because they don't want to learn.

I think my saying they are in denial is my way of letting it go, because you simply cannot educate someone in denial. Been there, done that, failed to get through to them. But saying that they did the best they were capable of, says it was not their fault, so I don't have to be angry. I was quite a bit younger when I tried getting help with my father's abuse. Little more than a teenager. And the people who were supposed to help, hurt me a second time, and saying they didn't care told me that I was not worth caring about, because I was too young to see it any other way. But saying that the problem was just too big for them, the same way it was too big for me, lets me let it go without any anger.

I learned counseling rape victims that there is no shaking people out of denial. See, after the initial trauma, 99.9% of victims just want their life back and the only way to do that is pretend it didn't bother them. So, denial of any effects they might have to deal with by actually showing up at counseling two days later. If I called them to remind them they had an appointment, they got angry because I was trying to break them out of the safe denial. Ten or fifteen years after the rape is when they would come in for counseling after learning denial doesn't work.

I like this and I see what you're saying.

My therapist recently reminded me of something she taught me in the early days of my getting help. It was everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge and tools they have at this time.

That includes United, the church and anyone who wouldn't be bothered if the person being dragged up the aisles was someone other than a person who enjoys a fair amount of privelege. Everyone. Doing their best with their current understanding and capabilities.

That's how, when a person or an organization just doesn't seem to grasp the importance of an issue that is important to me, I've learned to let it go.

... With the occasional backslide as manifest by this thread.

[Random]

I wonder if we all would be as outraged if it had been a woman dragged from her seat.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/04/22/flight-at ... e-6590259/

[document]

Again, very different response from United Airlines than you would see from the LDS church. They don't issue apologies. Period. Full stop. Dallan Oaks made that very clear a few years ago. United Airlines has already apologized for the event.

That doesn't excuse them, but it does place them above the LDS church already.

[Give It Time]

I wonder if we all would be as outraged if it had been a woman dragged from her seat.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/04/22/flight-at ... e-6590259/

Thank you for sharing this.

[Random]

I came across it while I was searching for further info in regards to the man who had been dragged out. When I saw your comment, it reminded me of what I'd seen, so I looked it up again.

I wonder if we all would be as outraged if it had been a woman dragged from her seat.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/04/22/flight-at ... e-6590259/

Thank you for sharing this.