change in views about the church

[Rebel]

What really happens to change ones view of the church ??? I know I used to be a TBM . But I then read a book about the church ( unveiling Mormonism) and I began to investigate and uncover a lot of realities that I didn't know existed over the past 35 years. although I was always uneasy about certain aspects of Mormonism I just went with the program but once I began to investigate the evidence was so overwhelming my shelf crashed rapidly !!! So here I am now an unbeliever what to do now ??? been this way for two years. So any other good stories of what happened to others ??

[redjay]

Hi rebel.

My story of my shelf breaking can be found in the introductions section of the forum. I'm perhaps not best placed to talk about a complete transition as I am on the slow fade (attend, temple recc expired, small calling that I will shed at some point). Have told TBM wife that when weather is good this summer - we live in Northern Europe) I will not be there on a Sunday. I'm planing on sitting the kids down later this summer and having 'the talk' basically outing myself to them as a NOM.

Anyway welcome.

[Culper Jr.]

I just got so sick of the bland correlated meetings, the leaders that were controlling jerks, and the corporate atmosphere of the church that one night in utter frustration I typed "why is the mormon church like a corporation?" into Google. It found a Rock Waterman article and it was pretty much down hill from there for me. I read his stuff, then blew past that when I found out about polyandry into full blown disaffection.

The funny thing is that if I was having a meaningful worship experience I would have never looked and started down this road. The church is its own worst enemy.

[blazerb]

For me, I realized that one of the core spiritual experiences that I have always leaned on was obviously wrong. I started trying to find information about how to test spiritual knowledge. Alma 32 tells us that if we have a bad feeling about something it could mean that the issue is wrong or it could mean that I am just not spiritually in tune. On the FAIR Mormon site, it is reported that Elder Packer taught that good feelings in response to an experience can come from the Holy Ghost or from the person experiencing the good feelings or from Satan. FAIR doesn't give a reference, but I found a talk where he clearly taught that good feelings can come from Satan. So I was left with the position that a good feeling could mean something is true or false and a bad feeling could mean something is true or false. So, how could I know in the way Moroni promised? So, what do any of my spiritual experiences mean?

After that, I have dived into items that were previously placed on my shelf. It seems clear to me that the church is not what it claims. Historical issues are bad enough, but we can see the fruits of church doctrine in the previously unreported assaults at BYU and in the tragedies of youth suicides. I saw a facebook post from a man I taught in Sunday School when he was a youth. He talked about how hurt he was by the lies he was taught at church. It occurred to me that I helped lie to him. I can't do that anymore.

This probably sounds more chronological than it was. It was all mixed up, but those are the issues that hit me.

[Enoch Witty]

In short, I was never happy in the church, but I was fully indoctrinated so I didn't see any real way I could leave. After the Nov 5th policy and everything leading up to it, I just couldn't take it anymore and told my wife. She is still TBM but has been super cool thus far, and only after coming out to her have I learned just how much the church's history has been misrepresented to me throughout my entire life. I think I am more relieved that the church isn't true than anything else; it never made me happy, and this finally gives an explanation why other than "I'm not good enough."

[Red Ryder]

I watched a church video.

The church presented itself and it's history in a whitewashed version of simplicity. I learned it was extremely complex and in the process realized it wasn't what it was claiming to be.

Then the thinking began.

Joseph Smith was the creator of the church. The evidence indicates this is true. The whitewashed story is not true.

[MalcolmVillager]

Like JS's various accounts of his First Awakening, each time I tell mine it has different details depending on the audience, purpose, and my meandering mind.

Shelf cracks existed from Noah's Arc, harsh judgment of sin (mine and others'), boring temple ordinances that changed over time, evolution, and my brothers homosexuality. FAIR and Ask Gramps.com helped for a while but they opened a list of other problems to me.

A friend shared an innocent podcast that led to other podcasts and eventually to Mormon Stories. The essays confirmed it all. I allowed myself to really research and question stuff. I found NOM 1.0 and that was so amazing as I shared my deconstructed faith with others rather than going crazy alone.

Through some FB groups I found other real life friends who also are in various stages of FC.

It is a pretty typical Mormon FC in all reality. Nothing too unique. Of course I am on NOM because my wife has held me from making any rash decisions.

We still go essentially every week, although I am the opposite of JS, and I skip meeting with the Mormons "as often as the occasion permits". I hold a calling (HPG Ass.) and a TR that I use as infrequently as possible. The most strict BP would yank my TR for any of my sins of omission, commission, or heresy. The most liberal BP would thank me for continuing to try and for not rocking the boat.

IDK what the future holds. My previously TBM wife is increasingly open minded to my heresy and completely complicit with some of my thoughts (hates polygamy, says COJCOLDS isn't "one true", men shouldn't interview women or youth alone and should never ask about anything sexual, WOW is overreaching and selectively/hypocritically enforced, way too much guilt crap, way too much shaming, too much control, D&C is extremely convenient for JS, etc...). She hasn't dug too much into history or doctrine and doesn't have as much passion for it all. She doesn't fight me about it anymore and admits she overreacted to me in the past. I am okay with her keeping it simple since it just isn't interesting to her.

We want to raise our daughters in healthy and happy ways. Our Eastern Idaho community is very LDS and leaving would cause issues with their friends and ours. We will continue to play along. We have friends who are out, some who are like us (in the middle of the village), and many who are guzzling the kool-aid. We love and respect all of them. They all have great kids and happy families. We value our relationships and the communal living.

Anyway, this is much more than you asked, but I just got rambling!