"I LOVE Jeffrey R Holland"

[Godislove]

This was a text I just received from a lady in our Ward who "use" to be my friend- maybe I should say we use to be closer than we are now.

I haven't been very active on here but have read it for several years. Long story short, I haven't attended church for about a year and a half. I have a family of 5 kids. My husband stepped away about four years ago and I tried to keep it going. Our family was one of the most active in the ward. We went to everything, our kids were leaders, my husband was the YM before he left, we were very active.During all this I was PPres serving under the craziest BP I have ever heard about. After some really crazy stuff, I asked to be released(4 years into the calling), he was very angry.
Somehow the message was given to the entire Ward Council that we were trying to convert others to a new church . The WC was told to avoid us, not invite our kids to things or let me sub(I had been doing this weekly), no HT or VT were allowed. They changed my VT to one older, harsh sister whom I since learned "could take anything I said". Completely hurtful and I stepped back and haven't been back.

The texter today was a member of the WC when the shunning began, my friend. No one ever asked if this stuff was true, if I was okay. She was released about 6 months ago, we have talked briefly and superficially once. It was very awkward. How do I even react to this? What was in that talk?

[Anon70]

Invite her to your new church. Just kidding!

Do you want to re-engage? If not, delete the text. I listened a little to Holland. Stay in the choir. So she probably wants you to know even you are welcome back /s.

I guess it depends on what you want to do-defend yourself? Hold her accountable for past treatment? I fear none of this could happen and it could end up being even more insulting. Good luck.

[Random]

He probably inspired her to reach out to you, considering his talk today (she's inviting you to rejoin the choir?). If she said nothing else, there's really nothing for you to reply to.

Maybe you should start a "crazy bishop" thread and share your story(ies), because you have me super curious.

It's really sad you were treated like that. Genuine friends would have talked to you anyway, and probably would have asked you what was really going on in your life.

[Godislove]

I guess it caught me off guard. Things are a bit better the last few months. Our Ward has a new BP and I believe people are allowed to communicate with us again.

Mostly I just don't want things to be weirder so I can't decide if I should say nothing or something really sarcastic. I can't think of anything nice.

Crazy Bishop, seriously. Throw in the fact his first counselor was having an affair and church was interesting for several months.

[Random]

I'm glad they're getting better.

I have a couple of friends (an older married couple) whose ward was told to shun them (didn't use that word, I'm sure). They had no idea why no one would talk to them (Mormon neighborhood), but finally figured it out.

(The shunning, and leader disapproval, was for "Apostate" Denver Snuffer stuff - they were pressured to resign. Stake pres preferred that over them being ex'd. After much thought and prayer, they complied.)

When I can't think of anything nice to say, I often find out that it would have been best to be silent.

Of course, you could always reply, "I LOVE [insert name of famous person you like]" - if she takes offense, you could ask, "Wasn't it a chain text where I was supposed to name someone I admired and pass it back to you and on to others?"

(edited to be more clear)

[Random]

Crazy Bishop, seriously. Throw in the fact his first counselor was having an affair and church was interesting for several months.

Oh, wow! Sounds like it could be a soap opera.

[alas]

It is possible that your friend has realized that she treated you unfairly and this is her attempt to reach out. An attempt at repentance if you will. You can either sweep the problem under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened, or you can be angry, you can give her the silent treatment, or you can confront the people who hurt you with the truth that they DID hurt you and that you expect an oppology. If you confront them then there is the possibility they will be offended, in that case you cannot rebuild the relationship on the basis of trust. But there is also the possibility that this friend will apologize.

So, if you have any desire to rebuild this old friendship, you might respond by saying something about if people followed the advice to be kind, you NEVER would have been shunned without cause like you were. Take a quote from the talk and confront her with what kindness really is. That isn't keeping sweet, but it is putting the problem out there. Until you are honest about the wrong done to you and make the other person also be honest about it, you cannot patch up any old friendships.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

[Godislove]

Alas, thank you. I have loved reading your wisdom over the years. I can't figure out how to add the boxes of text while using my phone.

I agree with putting the problem out in the open. My thought has been- what are they going to do, not talk to me? Already happened.

We visited last summer briefly where I was very blunt about how hurt I was after she kept saying how awful only the BP was. I shared with her my hurt was not necessarily from our crazy BP but the people that were my "friends". I got a text from her in January when my son left for his Navy basic training laced with pity because it wasn't a mission. I again was blunt but not mean.

I don't think our friendship will ever be the same but find these weird texts and such ...Weird. I also really cannot go back to how awful that year or so of shunning was.

[Not Buying It]

Regarding the talk she referenced, I have a hard time taking Elder Holland seriously. He is part of an organization that has bullied and continues to bully those they perceive as a threat, and uses it power against families to get its way. Bullying is standard procedure for the Church, all the way up the line from the Elders Quorum president and Bishop to the First Presidency. Talk is cheap - what changes in Church practice and policy can we expect to see to address the bullying done by the Church he helps lead?

[Godislove]

Not Buying it, yes exactly. Not buying his talk.

I specifically remember the Uchtdorf talk about "doubting your doubts". From the NOM view it was like, yes, someone gets it. The behaviors didn't change on a local level at all.

[tryingtogetitright]

She was probably thinking of you during his talk this morning when he said that there is room in the church for everyone.