What calling does someone like me get?

[wtfluff]

Fluff: Someday, we need to have a Funeral Potato Cook-Off! You know-- like the Chili Cook-Off my Ward hosts every Halloween (--probably to ensure members will help provide food for this required annual holiday party).

Man does that sound awesome!

Except I feel my arteries clogging, and my A1C rising just thinking about all those Funeral Potatoes. Meh, I'd make the sacrifice in the name of NOM.

[Not Buying It]

You're not obligated to take any calling at all. Several friends of mine turned in their TRs when they realized the church was such a fake, but they haven't yet resigned. One of their favorite benefits of it is that they don't have callings now. They attend now and then, but it's on their own terms. I'm sure the bishop could have given them some sort of calling, but he's trying not to drive them off completely.

I agree with this. I have a calling to keep my wife happy, but if you don't want one, just say no. If you have good reasons for accepting a calling, fine, I do. But if you don't, you don't owe the Church anything, and don't let them make you feel like you do. Don't let them pressure you into things you don't want to do. Just say no. If (heaven forbid) anything happened to my wife I'd quit my calling and walk away from the Church the day after the funeral.

Primary, by the way. It's not a bad gig, it restricts my "service" in the Church to within the three hour block, talking with kids can be fun, and while watching young minds being indoctrinated in Sharing Time can be distressing, it's better than arguing with blowhards in Elder's Quorum. And I can omit from lessons anything I'm not comfortable with. If I have to have a calling for my wife's sake, it's probably the best fit.