So ladies and gentlemen, I had an opportunity to spend a few hours with old college friends. They live in southern Arizona, and have come to Utah to visit family. We went to Warren's in Odgen and had wonderful food and conversation.
This couple met one another on their mission in a former Eastern Bloc country. Now with three kids, they are....out? They've been pretty open-minded people to begin with, and that damned LGBT policy change in Nov '15 finished them off. They marched straight into their bishop's office and turned in their temple recs. They still go to church about once a month, but they're pretty much out.
The thing that got to me was this: they're out, but they're very sad about it. Even though I don't believe in much anymore I feel the same way. I haven't been to church in three years now, but I am still sad about it. It was absolutely the best for me to stop going, but I still wish I had the good things about Church...
Hey, they might even be on this forum. If you are, give me a PM!
College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”
― Carl Sagan
― Carl Sagan
Re: College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
Sometimes I feel sad about it too. Like wouldn't it be wonderful if the stories really were true. Or I'll get all nostalgic thinking about my teenage years. Those were fun times in the church. Lots of friends, lots of fun. And the church kept us (mostly) out of trouble.
But the reality is, the church isn't a healthy place for a lot of people. So it's probably better that the stories turned out to be just stories.
At least we have our NOM ward family.
But the reality is, the church isn't a healthy place for a lot of people. So it's probably better that the stories turned out to be just stories.
At least we have our NOM ward family.
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound
Re: College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
That's awesome!
Two of my brothers are out (one of them posts here occasionally) and I know of a few other acquaintances. Most days it feels like the church has left me standing here wondering what happened, but then I quickly realize it's a lot like growing up. After a year or two you realize you're not in elementary school anymore, figuring out yourself has been the awkward junior high years, and you're ready to be an adult in the real world. Sometimes it's ok to reminisce about the sixth grade but it's better to live in the present.
I also think it's ok to reserve the right to change OUR minds and go back if that's what WE (as humans) decide to do later in life for whatever reason we want. As humans, we are wired for safety, emotional comfort, and a yearning desire to know/believe in a god. If the mormon church meets that fundamental need, then by all means we should have the right to do so. No excuses necessary.
However, I think with time and distance many people begin to rebuild their life outside of the church. For some it only takes a few months while others it takes years. For some, like me, the distance between the church and a new life is stopped by a tethered leash called marriage!
Some days I really wonder if walking away from it all is the best answer. Life is too short to be emotionally tethered to the church!
Two of my brothers are out (one of them posts here occasionally) and I know of a few other acquaintances. Most days it feels like the church has left me standing here wondering what happened, but then I quickly realize it's a lot like growing up. After a year or two you realize you're not in elementary school anymore, figuring out yourself has been the awkward junior high years, and you're ready to be an adult in the real world. Sometimes it's ok to reminisce about the sixth grade but it's better to live in the present.
I also think it's ok to reserve the right to change OUR minds and go back if that's what WE (as humans) decide to do later in life for whatever reason we want. As humans, we are wired for safety, emotional comfort, and a yearning desire to know/believe in a god. If the mormon church meets that fundamental need, then by all means we should have the right to do so. No excuses necessary.
However, I think with time and distance many people begin to rebuild their life outside of the church. For some it only takes a few months while others it takes years. For some, like me, the distance between the church and a new life is stopped by a tethered leash called marriage!
Some days I really wonder if walking away from it all is the best answer. Life is too short to be emotionally tethered to the church!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy
“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga
“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg
“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga
“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg
Re: College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
RR you have said it all.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Rumi
Rumi
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Truth or Dare
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- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 12:23 pm
Re: College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
A lot of my and DW's good friends from BYU are now either out or close to it. Granted, many were first generation Mormons, so it was easier to leave, but I still think that says something.
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MalcolmVillager
- Posts: 703
- Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:01 pm
Re: College Friends Become Disaffected Mormons
RR you are spot on. It was so good to meet you in person this week.
My marriage and kids are the most important thing in the world to me. They bring me happiness and purpose. I feel obligated to provide financially, emotionally, and spiritually for them. I know how critical the developmental years are for my kids. I want them to have the stability they need for healthy development.
But I do feel the pull for living the life I want. Life is too short. Yet I don't want to throw caution to the wind, be selfish, and do stupid things. I know people who have.
My friend who left the church 13 years ago because he could not "live a lie" has lost his wife, his daughter, his job and career, and all connection with stability. He literally lives in a van and smokes pot daily. He is completely free from the church and rules, but he is prisoner to lack of control.
The middle I hope to move towards will have not temple. I don't want to wear G's but at the same time, they are not horrible. I don't want a calling but the one I have is pretty easy (HP 2nd Ass). I don't want to go to any meetings but I do go to some and skip as much as possible.
I love finding friends who don't buy it all. Sadly, most of my family and friends do, so I keep quiet and play the part. Some days I wonder how many others do the same. The emperor has no clothes, but we all play along!
My marriage and kids are the most important thing in the world to me. They bring me happiness and purpose. I feel obligated to provide financially, emotionally, and spiritually for them. I know how critical the developmental years are for my kids. I want them to have the stability they need for healthy development.
But I do feel the pull for living the life I want. Life is too short. Yet I don't want to throw caution to the wind, be selfish, and do stupid things. I know people who have.
My friend who left the church 13 years ago because he could not "live a lie" has lost his wife, his daughter, his job and career, and all connection with stability. He literally lives in a van and smokes pot daily. He is completely free from the church and rules, but he is prisoner to lack of control.
The middle I hope to move towards will have not temple. I don't want to wear G's but at the same time, they are not horrible. I don't want a calling but the one I have is pretty easy (HP 2nd Ass). I don't want to go to any meetings but I do go to some and skip as much as possible.
I love finding friends who don't buy it all. Sadly, most of my family and friends do, so I keep quiet and play the part. Some days I wonder how many others do the same. The emperor has no clothes, but we all play along!