What should I tell a relative of mine?

[MerrieMiss]

I have a relative I’ve corresponded with a bit with over the years. I found out she had post-partum depression after her children were born so I reached out to her when I was experiencing the same thing. We email a few times a year to each other. We’re not terribly close, but we’ve discussed some intimate things.

Anyway, I’d like to have a better relationship with her, so I reached out last month and she wrote back. She’s a nuanced TBM – she has some serious issues with the church, but she’s decided the gospel is true even if the church isn’t. I don’t talk church stuff with her because I don’t want to go there. She confided in her email that church has been tough because her son is experiencing a faith crisis. I already knew about this from someone else. The short story is he was sent home (or requested to come home, but I’m pretty sure he was sent home) from his mission early because of his faith issues.

I’ve been drafting a response to her last email, but I’m not sure how much to tell her about myself. I don’t know if telling her that I’ve been through what her son is going through would scare her or comfort her. It would also be awkward because I haven’t really discussed my faith journey with anyone, including my husband, except a few family members who I know have gone through something similar, so it is really going out of my comfort zone. I am a very private person which has always made social contacts difficult. I always think I’m far too personal and intimate but then I’m told I never let people in.

She wanted to know my thoughts on motherhood which (unknown to her) happen to be intricately tied to my transition of faith. Honestly, I might still be TBM if I hadn’t had children. I’m not sure if I should tell her where I stand. I want us to continue our relationship, but I also want to let her know, and her son, that it’s okay and to offer some support. For all I know she'd like to know how I really feel and maybe it's just my fear getting the way. I'm just not sure.

What/how much should I tell her?

[Korihor]

My vote is to be mostly open with her. Maybe don't go gushing all at once, but let her know you've gone through a faith crisis and then faith transition. If you communicate with her, eventually the truth will come anyway.

Also - be proud of who you are! You can know your audience and still be authentic.

[Red Ryder]

My vote is to be mostly open with her. Maybe don't go gushing all at once, but let her know you've gone through a faith crisis and then faith transition. If you communicate with her, eventually the truth will come anyway.

Also - be proud of who you are! You can know your audience and still be authentic.

I agree with Kori.

Be open and honest but take it really slow. Empathize with her regarding her son and let her know you understand all too well without giving her details in a curious way. Let her control the pace of the conversation.

Also be careful because the natural reaction from her will be to shun you or worse, tell everyone you've lost your testimony.

These situations are really tough especially if you value your privacy. Sometimes it helps to drop a draft here for everyone to read and help edit if your comfortable doing that.

[No Tof]

I agree with the austere brothers above and would only add that perhaps a face to face visit might be better than emails. When you visit you will have the benefit of reading body language which will help you gauge how much to share.

Best of luck. It's always nice to have someone IRL to discuss these things with.

[MoPag]

You are such a sweet friend. PPD is a b*tch. I had it with both my kids.

I agree with the NOM brethren. Great advice from RR and Kori.

Maybe send a couple shorter emails at first to kind of test the waters.

Good luck and keep us posted.