NOM

Over the last year or so I have gradually shifted from PIMO to something more like ATSSBUTOI: Attending To Support Spouse But Otherwise Inactive. I've stopped acquiescing to keep up appearances in the ward. I've turned down talk invitations cold, and nipped "conversations to explore a potential ...

I honestly think this is the dying throes of garments. Leadership keeps cracking down, but it has not worked over the past few years, as evidenced by leadership continuing to crack down. The younger generation are just not having it. The older crowd will continue complaining and trying to shame them ...

Hey all, just popping in for a bit of support. It seems I may be on the radar for outreach efforts after basically "quiet quitting" church over the last couple of years. I've turned down callings and talk assignments, and I didn't renew my temple recommend last year for the first time ever. And all ...

Some bishops are good at preemptively cornering you in such a way that saying no feels more and more uncomfortable. Whenever I think of names yours keeps coming up again and again. I talked to everyone in the ward and they think that you would be the perfect fit. God wants you to do this. This is ...

Congrats Sparky! There may be a few times your lack of calling gets called into question, remember the various ways to say no and pick your favorite! Thanks Link, and thanks for the suggestions! Currently my go-to is along the lines of "I appreciate you thinking of me, but for now I'm not accepting ...

Things have taken an unexpected and decidedly welcome (for me) turn! After years of co-teaching primary with spouse, a BP member asked to talk to us after church. My heart dropped to my feet as I anticipated having to navigate yet another calling decline, but this time with spouse involved because ...

Put up or shut up Liahona. If you aren't going to provide details about exactly what the concerns were that caused them to leave and exactly why those things shouldn't be concerning, then your article serves no purpose other than providing misleading and false reassurance for people who don't know ...

After years as a PIMO and hard work in therapy, I have the strength to decline things that aren't for me. I got an email from a guy asking to meet with me the next day. No reason given, not even an introduction of who he was, just (paraphrasing but not much) "Hello brother Sparky, can you meet with ...

What a relief! I know I don't post often, but this place still feels like a sanctuary and I was sad to see it down. Long live NOM!

I had to sit on the stand for our program as I'm still a primary teacher with DW for the time being. It was painful to say the least to hear the kids regurgitating standard Mormon propaganda and see the rapturous approving smiles of the adults. Oh but our program was extra special, because the ...

Just a small silly update. I informed the EQP of my decision to opt out last week. Yesterday a member of the presidency handed me a printout of my ministering assignment which I think is completely unchanged. It was seconds before sacrament meeting started so he just sort of did a hit-and-run, didn ...

Do you think most people are good or most people are bad? I think most people can't be defined by such simple labels. I think most people are a tangled mess of contradictory beliefs and incentives and experiences, and they make decisions in any given situation that are the result of that mess ...

At one point the Primary Secretary explained to me that they only count the people who attend. The mathematician in me started to object, but then I realized it really didn't matter and kept filling in the report with 100% attendance month after month. That is amazing, a true statistical miracle ...

Recently I was assigned a time for my ministering interview. I have not visited or contacted my assigned friends because I find it awkward and uncomfortable to continue pretending I have any belief in this religion. I looked at the "responsibilities of ministering sisters* and brothers" in Jesus's ...

Vent away. Garments are one of the stupidest ideas Smith ever conjured into the world. On the other side of it now it's almost unbelievable that Mormons accept this ~200 year old humiliation. After I stopped wearing them I hoped it might encourage DW to give herself permission to ditch them too, at ...

Great idea and recommendation, RR! This was good timing for me as I have recently disappointed DW by not renewing my temple recommend. Here's what I learned from the podcast: I liked the premise of the discussion, a line from Julie Hanks: Your job as a adult is to disappoint others. This is because ...

Welp, today is the day! I'll be going with her to the stake center for final Worthiness Approval. Weird that the omniscient God of the universe has to rely on the Swiss cheese model to mitigate the risk of contaminating his many luxury vacation homes, but I digress. We haven't talked any more about ...

Congrats! Way to stand your ground. Mixed faith marriages are difficult right?! Anyway, it takes a certain amount of give and take to make it work. Thanks! And yes, there's a give and take that changes over time. I don't blame anyone for jumping through the TR hoop, or giving up coffee, or whatever ...

Yesterday DW did her recommend interview while I waited for her in the lobby, the first time I won't be renewing mine in tandem. I've held a recommend ever since my faith implosion, going through the process three times while choking on my own integrity. But I couldn't do it this time. We talked ...

Some back of the envelope calculations: There are ~31000 congregations (wards+branches) worldwide. Most chapels host more than one ward, but maybe in less Mormony places in the world it's still just one ward per chapel. So we'll estimate a ceiling of maybe 20,000 chapels. Median salary for a full ...